pastor jeff

oh my goodness pastor jeff's blog is SO inspiring!! i didnt know that someone can use a blog with simple words and inspire others so much..maybe its the language, or maybe its the humility that he has..to share his weakness and learning points on his blog so that everyone can learn..i love pastor jeff..hahah he's really cool!!..

-taken from pastor jeff's blog-
(i dun tink he comes here anyway but thanks pastor jeff!)

• pour a bucket of blood to inspire a drop

• its not what you expect, its what you inspect

• always give the benefit of the doubt

• economize to evangelize• the window model

• the sandwich model

• never do something that other can do; do something that no one else can do such that together, we will do more for the Kingdom

• Kingdom Mentality

• willingness is key

• availability over ability

• character is key when choosing leader

• we believe God so much that’s why we work so hard

• we emphasize everything according to the weight-age of the bible

• we can have quantity without quality but when we have quality, we will have quantity

• serve God as if no one else is doing it

• Jesus #1, Others #2, I #3

• it's normal to grow

• love God, love people

• do all that is humanly possible leaving the impossible to God

• 99% of the people will not do anything until they are being challenged to

• major on the major and minor on the minor

• accounting versus informing

he called these the sayings of hope..and i was super encouraged and inspired after reading them..its like a reminder of wat it is to live a life for god..gosh and i realise that this week i made another boo-boo again..i shall learn from my mistakes nxt wk..making one mistake per week..not bad, im learning rather fast..

fast!

my com works like magic now!! its so super fast and loading pages quickly!! i can play dota on my com..and i dun haf to go to my bro's room anymore! all thanks to the 97 bucks RAM which i bought at sim lim!! and also thanks to MR LEE for coming my house to help mi install it and making mi so happy!! lol..my life is like immanuel's song that was playing while i chatted to him - life is wonderful! :D:D:D:D

pics

decided to post some pictures!! cos pictures speak a thousand words..ah thats juz crap..i juz wan to post pics..



this was when i went suntanning with eelee jency and tingting..sheepmates and shepherds outing!!..ahhaha and eelee let mi wear her sungalsses and i tink it suits mi!!..hahaha..LOVE EELEE!!..



this is fuzzy..so cute rite!!..like a ball like that..acc0rding to yk she's quite round now and he doesnt really care for her anymore..so bad..tsk tsk..



this is the sleepover at east rc during jiehui and winnie's bday celebration..the sofa is SUPER nice..such a mess lor, with everybody everywhere..the living room where the guys slept..i tink either winnie or angela took this foto..



this is in the room..we were sleeping in apinum's room..HAHA..winnie and angela look super happy and im tired..harry took this pic..y did he haf to take a pic of mi in such a position?!



and this is me sleeping..luckily cant see the whole face..cos maybe my mouth is wide open or something..this the second time someone took a foto of mi while i was asleep..the first was KAI when i fell asleep in philosophy class..hmpf..i do haf snapshots of the rest sleeping too but i dun tink its a good idea for mi to post them since its them and not me..so only can see me..lol..

assignment SUCKS like mad..its really really sian to do..i cant even sort out the various mission statements that the saf has..haf so many for wat?!..grrrr..make my life harder only..anyways i found a new hero to use - bane!! cool cool..

assignment

this girl needs to do her assignment..ARGH i really need to haf the fear of not getting good grades instilled in me PERMANTENTLY..maybe that ll motivate mi to do my assignment..

i finally bought my RAM!!..i really hope can fit in cos the guy said that its compatible..if it doesnt i ll juz kill myself..spent 97 bucks on it so better work man!!..afterwards i can play dota on MY com!!..and i dun haf to go to my bro's room and risk getting scolded by my parents..but first, i really do need to get some disciplined, sit down finish my campaign and start studying..its kinda sian to haf another exam when the last exam like juz passed..argh..oh well..

really had a fun time with eelee yest hahah..we walked to sim lim from bugis den we keep asking the same guy where bugis was! the thing is he was walking in the same direction the whole time so we tot that he was going to sim lim as well..den we were talking whether if a total stranger came to you and asked u for the directions of the place that u were heading to, will u tell the person that u are going to that place and lets walk together? i tot abt it and i tink i would tell the person to walk with mi..hahah..so we were tinking y the guy nvr ask us to walk with him..BUT turns out that the guy went to the building besides sim lim..HAHA..and both eelee and i got our stuff so we are HAPPY!..and we concluded that MOST IT ppl are SERIOUSLY not good salespeople..except for one..hahah..

headed to meet danny at boon kheng and we went to meet keith at farrer park together..gave keith the card and the choc and he looked like a HAPPY small boy hahhaha..seems like there were a lot of happy ppl yest..den i went to ps with ting and sandy..and we had a fun time planning for xuanting's party and shopping for doorgifts!!..hahaha and their new hairstyle looks nice!! finally met daniel and we toked a lot and ended up with mi doing something for pclm that im SUPER SCARED to do but oh well..juz try lor..dan and yk came to tcc after tat too and yk and i bought stuff for the same person!! LOL..that was funny..

okoko i REALLY shld start on my assignment..CYA!..

faith

ARGH they are at chinatown now and im at home :( oh well maybe its good that i spend time at home la..be a good daughther..sometimes i really do wish that i stay somewhere nearer to town, so that i wun haf to spend ONE HOUR traveling to and fro..its kinda like a waste of time..but maybe cos i live so far that makes mi dun wana go out after going home..and hence, i get to spend time with my family..so is it a good thing or a bad thing? im not really sure..

i tink im starting to come to a conclusion that there isnt a thing which is juz good or bad by itself..however i do tink that there are extreme cases such as smoking..which is ultimately bad cos they destroy ur health and makes u hooked onto them like a slave and no matter how many reasons u haf for saying that smoking is good i reckon its all juz excuses..but for some like lets say, half-truths..like going out to study before svs but saying u go out to study..well see, its bad by itself cos u know, its not the total truth..its kinda like lying..so by itself it is bad..however, when u throw in situations, den it somehow becomes not that bad..cos like, going for svs is BIBLICAL and if saying half truths is the only way to do a biblical thing without totally lying..den in that context it shld be ok rite..of course it isnt the best thing..but not going for svs in unbiblical and u cant conform to ur parents or whoever if they asks u to do something unbiblical..that is not right, in the eyes of god..

anyways, i tink it has been a few rather hmmm..eventful? weeks for mi?..ive never known how many mistakes a person can make until ive experienced being that person..and i tink i haven even gotten thru half of my life and trust me, im making a whole lot of mistakes indeed..in fact a BIG BIG lot of mistakes..and im determined to learn from them..i shall not make the same mistake TWICE..because by doing so, im stupid..

but i guess im really stupid in some situations such as procrastination..cos i keep falling into that..argh !!! god help mi!!

i tink thru all the events ive kinda somehow forgotten that im the pillar of faith..and i realised that i might haf started to lose a bit of faith thru seemingly tough situations..GASP!..if a pillar of faith doesnt haf faith, then its juz a pillar of nothingness..its USELESS..i will haf faith and i wun give up!! look at it this way, im in the world but im also in god..god created me, so he knows mi and knows how i work and wat works for me..god also created the earth, so he knows how the earth works and wat works for the earth..so god created earth, and im supposed to be winning the world for him..den OF COURSE he would bless me..its so so..so natural..so common sensical that its ILLOGICAL if he doesnt help me..he knows wat works for the world and wat works for me..so he will make it work for me so that iit will work for the world..nothing is impossible with god..NOTHING..nada zero..bring it on satan..im game :)

the earth belongs to my lovely jesus christ..u can hurt me, stone me, do watever u wan to me..but u cant destroy me..HAHA lets see who will be laughing when im in heaven enjoying the presence of my beloved god..the world needs god!! i dunno even know where to start to elaborate this point..no amount of words can explain it..im starting to see this really really true fact..EVERYBODY NEEDS JESUS..how i pray that i can win the world for him..

i wan to give u peeps the greatest gift of all time..i really really really really want to! i wan all my frens to share my joy, my abnormal peace and the tremendous blessings that ive been given..i wan my family to come to know god and share him..the love of jesus can only truly be felt when we give it away..how can i persuade u to experience this love? i feel so selfish for keeping him all to myself..haha my dream is that one day during dinner, my whole family gathers ard the dining table and my father leads grace..and he will say thank you lord for this day, thank you for saving us, and i pray that u will bless this household from now till forever, we love you jesus..on that day, i will give thanks to god, and i will cry tears of joy.

reminiscing

its really cool to walk by oneself in the night..when there are few cars and all is really orangy due to the street lights shining overhead..when its cooling and the breeze brushes against one's face..its den when my mind starts to whirl and spin and walks down that memory lane, digging up various memory jars sealed air-tight and caked with dust..and it opens them one by one, evoking some really nostalgic feelings and bringing a sad smile to my face..

haha a lot of dreams and stupid promises we made to one another..saying we would build a house with a swimming pool that goes all ard and under the house..that there would be a bridge, im in charge of cooking she's in charge of cleaning the dishes and she's in charge of the accounts..that we would form a band, we give each other 4 months to master our instruments..most of our 'band' members arent really ard anymore haha, left mi..our useless squabbles over nothing and making up the very nxt day..school days which were like our best days on earth..

many stupid things that we did..mi telling you to be more careful nxt time when u spend all ur money and had to borrow some from me..toking on the fone, saying that i really know u and u really know me..saying how we are frens that i dun haf to say anything and u know wat i mean..rmb that time at east coast when i juz gave a sigh and u smile cos u said that that was something only true frens could haf understood? when i went to ur house..i only knew another one of my mom's fren that closely..and now, theres no more..

u know, life's like a road..theres this never ending road in front of us and we walk, somehow along the way some other ppl's roads get intertwined with urs or they merge and u walk together..maybe juz for a few day, a few years probably..den the roads slowly distangle, they split..and each walks on their own roads again..haha..

i heard this sentence in kim sam soon - memories are juz memories. memories dun have any power

yeah i guess so..if they did, den they wouldnt haf left me..

so ive decided, that i ll put more effort into the dmw :)

words

yes shiyou i cut my hair again..hahha it was getting too thick and messy and i couldnt stand it..it looks almost the same tho..cant wait for my hair to be long again..i rmb there was once someone told mi this hilarious thing abt my hair..i cant rmb who tho, i told her that i wanted to cut my hair but not too short cos i wanted to keep my hair long..den she said, i dunno how the hairdresser is gonna cut ur hair lor, cut short also cannot leave long the other side still short..and i rmb gideon once told mi..wah i really cannot stand your hair you know, its so not neat and tidy, its not symmetrical..LOL..i was laughing my lungs out..

waiting for kim sam soon to load finish thats y i got the time here..haven been really seeing my grp a lot these few weeks and i kinda miss them quite a lot..i really shld be more disciplined and start my campaign, which im going to after i finish episode 10 of kim sam soon..haha..gotta go kap at 415..i still haf 2 hrs..wish mi luck :D..

on a random note, i hate peas..they are the most disgusting food ever on earth..i really tink god made them when he was in a BAD mood..yucks..

hyun bin

i went to see those dali sculptures yest with yk at boat quay..and we were supposed to take NICE pictures, but the sun was kinda strong so cant really see..and yk kept saying i didnt know how to take nice fotos..so he took instead, and he called the pic with the BIG HORSE BUTT an artistic picture..zzzzzz..but oh well thanks anyway yk for accompanying mi..

i went to cut hair yest and now i look like a boy again..but not as bad as last time i tink..cos i asked him to keep the back the same length cos i wanted to leave my hair long again..ok i really shld be getting out of my house..gonna meet ting and xiang later!!

to sandy: dun be too sad..god ll make everything work out the way he wans it..smile!

its all good

haha im fine ppl thanks for ur concern..really :D appreciate and thank god for ALL of you very very much..joanne ANG ur message was a surprise and u are a really funny gal, always asking mi whether im alright..heres my answer, i wasnt really alright, but im fine now.. totally..haha..

stayed at home the whole day on monday reflecting on myself..hence, my horrible post abt being snappy and stuff..but i guess i kinda got it all over already..learning to accept somethings which are quite unacceptable to mi for now..but time ll make everything a-ok ba..

been re-watching my lovely sam soon on youtube cos i tink the guy is oh-so-handsome..and its a nice show but quite unrealistic so, these shows are supposed to like, get u into a fantasy world where one guy loves one gurl and they live happily ever after..lol..gonna go cut hair tml morning and eat GOOD FOOD with my mom during her lunch hour..den going to boat quay with yk to look at DALI's sculptures and study at clarke quay tcc..hahah really l0oking forward to tml!!..oh and theres a stever irwin tribute tml morning at 7 on AXN which i pray i can wake up in time to catch..really liked that guy..

sometimes i wonder if i ll be a disappointment too..who knows rite, maybe someday..i ll be one..but i hope and pray hard that i wun be one..i still haf a speech to make at someone's wedding HAHA..

human beings

i tink human beings are really complicated creatures, or maybe its juz mi..hahah i tink im really complicated and one part of mi dun seem to agree with another part of mi..i tink this is the part where christians say that god comes into ur life to change you..when u are in conflict with urself cos u know u shldnt be doing something when u really wan to do that something..or maybe u are doing something which u really dun feel like but u know its the right thing..

i dun tink i really know myself that well after all..which is quite a scary thing cos if i myself dun know myself that well, den who knows mi?..now thats a good question and prob god does know mi..if only he would juz reveal myself to mi u know wat i mean..and save mi the trouble of going thru self-discovery and learning some not very likable things abt myself..but maybe this is his method of making mi stronger than who i will be if he juz revealed himself to mi..

like u know if a caterpillar comes out of the coccoon and u help it by cutting away the coccoon so that it ll haf an easier time, den it will come out one fat puny thing that doesnt resemble any insect at all..cos it needs to go thru that horribly painful process to squeeze all its juice thing to its wings..so like if god juz revealed myself to myself..den i ll prob end up some tiny puny thing which isnt in its full glory..but yeah, the process really is, hmmm tiring..

hmmm i tink that butterfly doesnt really like that process either..it muz be tinking..crap man this is painful!! argh when will it ever end..y do i haf to go thru this anyway? hmm shld i juz give up and stay inside my nice warm coccon?..maybe the butterfly isnt programmed to feel anything like this..myabe its programmed to juz haf one thought in mind..juz push juz push juz push..maybe, who knows rite..

but i shld like to tink that it did thought of giving up quite a few times..haha but im glad that it didnt, or else there wouldnt be butterflies ard to pollunate flowers and beautify the environment (tho in actual fact im terrified of all insects)..maybe im supposed to be a butterfly too..oh butterfly juz reminded mi of a person lol..random thoughts aside..maybe i shld juz programmed myself to be like the butterfly..juz do it juz do it juz do it, tml ll be a better day..

in the process of self-discovery, and being quite snappy abt it too cos i dun really like it..so do bear with mi, for now..

i feel like playing, it keeps mi away from mi..

accumulation

she walks on the road of life all alone
many have offered to be there
she lets some walk with her
but they ended up leaving her
some were taken away cos they were wrong
so to protect herself
she stops anyone from walking with her anymore
its better that way

accumulation, it may be a good or bad thing..but it does feels nice..

good day

TODAY WAS A GOOOOOOODDD DAY!!!..IM VERY HAPPY!!..HAHAHHA..

looking forward to next week cos im gonna get to meet a lot of interesting ppl!!!..lets see who, jiemin yk zelanie xiang daixuan xuanting kwangmin most probably..looking forward looking forward!!

wonder

so many words going thru my mind now and all i wana do is punch her..real hard in the face and hear her bones crack, maybe that ll wake her up..many things i would love to say but i wun..i guess, this frenship aint so strong after all..haha..isnt it weird that the frenships i make always seem not to last..hmmm maybe its time to start looking for frens in the right places..this kinda sucks rite now..

thanks mila for encouraging mi whenever i come online..and im looking forward to ur cheesesticks..glad that everything between you and ur bestest fren is a-ok..hahah..i cant wait to bake cookies with you too..lol..i hope wat happened to mi didnt affect you a lot cos u said she encouraged you when u were down and now she does all these things..cos i ll be here always, and i ll never lie to you..god is good, and i ll stick with him forever :)..

sandy u really showed mi so much concern thru this whole period and im really really grateful..we used to only laugh at silly things i guess this thing has brought us closer to one another..its only thru tough times that you know whos ur true-st frens i guess..thanks for being one of them..

my dear sheep xuanting also..haha i like getting ur sms-es cos its really nice and i know that u are there..really like spending time with you and toking abt all the things under the sun..ahah..cant wait for our nxt shepherding and i pray that ur promos would do fine :D..

and to xiang also for calling mi at sms-ing mi at unearthly hours to chat and asking mi to wake u up..tho i dun tink ive been doing a good job..haha..really takes my mind off things u know..guess its kinda harder now cos of horrible EXAMS..but thats ending on sat so..singapore dreaming nxt wk? haha..

thanks to winnie too! my beloved DMW sister..and to the whole DMW which key always says that its VERY IMPORTANT!!..lol..hope our nxt outing would be MUCH faster than yesterday's one..dun take 4 months to plan anymore hahah..

so i (maybe) lose a fren but i get so many more closer frenships in return..would u consider that a trade-off? nah, im not so shallow..yes i ll be praying for her to return too..hopefully..i wouldnt like to make myself a nuisance u know, its not like im obliged to go seeking after u when u dun wan to be found..losing mi, is ur big loss..but losing god, is ur greatest loss..i hope watever u haf found in replacement is worth it, tho i seriously doubt so..oh but lemme say this first, u are not my disappointment..nope u arent..call mi when u wana come back..

its weird that i get support from everyone else except ______..but i wouldnt expect too much ba..i really hope that my grp would continue growing really strong..sometimes, im at a loss of wat to do too..plus i realise this year's lvl of stress has upped a lot from previous years..everyone stressing makes mi stress too..gosh i shld really juz rely on jesus thru this whole thing..i wouldnt even call it a saga..bec she's not that mighty yet..im crying now, but i really dun know why..

tml ll be a better day :D

friends

you know, its only by going over hard times do u realise who actually are ur real and true frens..i guess it was only after this incident that i realised that i do haf quite a few number of true and actual frens who ll prob serve with mi in the long run..real frens who wun abandon mi when trouble arrives and who will never leave mi walking alone..god really showed mi that there are ppl ard mi whom are concerned for mi..i never really saw it that way before..thanks to all who msged and kept mi going..u guys are my thru frens :D we ll play in eternity..haha..

we had DMW outing today..it was really really fun..and we created a whole lot of noise in the toilet taking spastic fotos..ahd some interesting discussions abt wat gurls shld wear..and went to civic plaza to take a look at those art pieces which were really nice..hahha..i wana go see more!!..theres something wrong with blogger so im quite sian to type anymore..shall update nxt time when stuff is alright..haha..see ya!!..

u didnt reply

u didnt reply..and im quite disappointed and shocked at the same time..but i guess this is the road u haf chosen so, i ll see u someday, hopefully in heaven..

exams on sat and i hope i can cram everything into my puny brain in time to vomit everything back out on the paper..as claire says, after the exam i ll be like a shrivelled prune..hahah..that was a funny analogy..and shucks im suppoed to call xiang to wake her up!!..like opps..but she msg mi at like 1110 so..hmmm..maybe i shld still give her a call?..

feel like drinking campbell soup now..but my mom recently hasnt been stocking up on them..

easy

thanks to SANDY XUANTING MILA and WINNIE for ur encouragements..i know that i haf found gems of a fren in u all..and i thank god for that..

im alright dun worry..i haf nothing to say nor can i do anything that ive already tried..one last thing to do is to go to her house to find her..but having exams now so i tink nxt wk ba..if she still hasnt replied mi..but oh well..i hope she wakes up soon..

anyways studied again yest and i managed to memorize some stuff for exam this sat..met eelee yest and was supposed to haf a teaching but we suddenly had a craving to go watch a movie..so we checked the timings for the devil wears prada at ps and found that we missed the 7pm show..so we checked cathy and found it was 720..and we were at ps macs at 715!!..so we RAN all the way to cathy to watch it! ended up at like the 2nd row but it wasnt too bad..the show was nice!!and meryl streep was ubber cool..i wana wear prada too!! their clothes were SO NICE!!..

hope everything turns out well..maybe god decides that its time for a test you know..that kinda sucks but i ll look forward to the happier times after the test!

do u ever feel like breaking down
do u ever feel out of place
like somehow u juz dun belong
and no one understands you

do u ever wana run away
do u lock urself in your room
with the radio on turned up so loud
that no one hears u screaming

no you dunno wats its like
when nothing feels alright
you dunno wat its like to be like mi

to be hurt to feel lost
to be left out in the dark
to be kicked when u are down
to feel like you've been pushed ard
to be on the edge of breaking down
and no one's there to save you
no u dunno wat its like
welcome to my life

do u wana be somebody else
are u sick of feeling so left out?
are u desperate to find something more
before ur life is over

are u stuck inside a world u hate
are u sick of everyone ard
with their big fake smiles and stupid lies
while deep inside you're bleeding

this used to be one of my fav songs cos i tot that it totally described the way i felt..and i realise that it really describes wat a lot of ppl are feeling still..ive come to see taht at no matter wat age we are in, may we be in our teenage stage or young adults or family providers, we all still haf a tinge of lonliness deep within us which we try to fill with many things..and they all end up disappointing us..

ive come to realise, that everybody needs jesus..

to nicole

ok im gonna trash everything out here and im gonna stop tinking abt you and go do my project because im so ditracted and hurt by you that i cant really concentrate on wat im doing..this is to ah xin (as ur mom calls you) cos i cant write ur other name here or else everyone ll know who u are..

this is my last resort to reaching out to you..cos i dun haf any replies from you or any contact at all so this is the end..i tink u are really selfish to put others thru stress when u urself is having probs and running away is actually a cowardly thing to do..and i know u are not a coward so i dun understand y u are doing this..i treated u as my fren but now im not sure whether that was a right thing to do..bec now i dunno whether u still treat mi like ur fren a not..

many memories between you and mi but u haf somewhat chosen to forget those memories..and i find it no point if im the only one who is hanging onto those memories..i tried to reach out to you cos if i dun, im responsible and accountable to god and bec i valued u as a fren..but when u refuse to repent, den ur blood is off my hands..god knows that ive tried to contact you..god knows that ive tried to find you and tok to you..but u put up a facade which is oh so sickening..

there was a similar incident before where my best fren left mi in the lurch, and how i went thru that time was to close up to everyone and anyone..for fear of hurting myself again till u came along and i opened up to you..and now u are doing the same thing, putting mi thru the same cycle again..so wat do i do?..i guess, i haf to figure out some way..i realise closing up isnt a solution..so from today onwards, i guess..i ll search for frenships, that ll last..

alright..i shall close my mind off u now since im having exams..

stretched

feeling a little tired and stretched..slept at 5 yest and woke up 2 hrs later to study at kap with david and jarvin..its really madness to wake up at such an ungodly time to study, but i cant deny that i actually memorized like half of my exam text juz this morning..studying with them is actually good..haha..went to queensway after that to get jarvin's shoes and slacked awhile at macs before going home..company was good, and objective to study was acheived..haha..

its quite funny to see u shy..

so anyways went home on bus 961 with david and learnt some disciple stuff from him which i tot was quite useful..i juz hope that i would be able to do them rite..started to pour when we reached sixth avenue and u could actually see where the rain started from..its like one minute we were dry and the nxt, the bus drove INTO the rain..like how cool is that?!..haha..realised i shld haf got down at bp but oh well, took all the way to marsling to take train home cos it was raining oh so heavily..slept till 7 and started to type my project again..

there was something wrong with the whole internet thing so i really didnt haf much distraction on the com..juz typed and typed and typed..and i did quite a number of things!!..juz finised media schedule and im so tired so i tink i shld go sleep..its weird not meeting anyone tml so i haf to maximise my time and study..i dun wan to restrict any of my grp ppl from learning abt god juz bec i need to study..i cant be so selfish..see key, i know the principle..haha..its juz that i didnt commuicate wat i meant well enuf..

sometimes i tink my attitude towards higher discipline sucks..its like, when key tells mi some stuff which i shldnt be doing and i know it, i juz ARGH CANT STAND IT..guess its pride..i know wat he said is rite..i juz hate to admit it..see, i knew it was pride..and i ll go all moody and start dunno, yeah, ok lor, like that la..sighs horrible attitude which is really isnt good..i wan to change this badly..i muz remind myself constantly and DMW!! help mi with this..haha..

i tink god loves mi a lot, bec he likes to test mi so much till i cant bear the weight of my burdens anymore and juz go to him..and it usually happens when im having exams..sighs, tink i really gotta change my perspective abt certain things..i rmb someone told mi this before, past hurts were not meant to scar..im super burdened so i tink i shall go tok to god now..and get some of his peace in return..

meeting eelee tml..i cant wait :D

fotos

ok got the pics from dear's blog on emu's bday..she was really like a bride who was about to get married..hahah..



not her bf but brother..hahah and the cake is from angie the choice!! i rmb having those cakes when i was really little..my mom used to buy them for every birthday in the family..



dear emu and me..look at emu's skirt!!..really look like bride rite?!..ahhaha..ok la not bad, at least all her pictures turned out nice cos of US..haha..

ok now lemme take this time to type this to my beloved sheep..SAY XIANGYU!..look at this picture that she put on her blog..



ok i was damn shock when i saw this..and she's prob gonna say like wah! y u put this onthe blog?!..damn pai seh can?!..hahah AND YES XIANG I TEARED WHEN I SAW IT..tho it was like quite long ago but ur support to mi has been unwevering since like CF4?..its my privilege to be ur shepherd :D..all thru these years you've seen mi grown and i've seen u grown..a miracle relationship that only JESUS could haf brought abt..thanks for sharing your life with mi and letting mi share my life with you..how we stumbled, made mistakes (well actually i tink only i make mistakes lor) and juz persevered from CF4 to CB2 and now u are in CE..i m ur support too..

thanks for the phonecall juz now..its nice knowing that there are ppl who are concerned abt mi and im glad its you..u made my day..and u make serving in HOPE so much more enjoyable..

I LOVE YOU!

typing out my stupid assignment now and i tink if i dun hurry up type finish im gonna be dead..but i couldnt help posting 2 fotos that i found in my collection..



CF4..the memories that it brings..haha..



love this foto to the max!..derrick's idea of course..supposed to act nostalgic or something..and the effect was nice..miss ben wai and hanyang and all the rest..hahah..

to someone:
do u know i cry when i see how sad you are? i want to give u the best..i wan u to stop hurting but i dunno how to go abt doing it except to be there for u when u need someone..i know of a way to stop the hurt, and to even prevent futher such hurts..u know how and i know how..and that is jesus..i dunno how to explain to you but he will make a way..i cant bear to see u like this..becos i know god didnt meant for you to be like this..

ok one last thing before i haf to force myself back to work..i tink im really a work in progress so u guys haf to be really tolerant of mi..haha..i tink trust is really impt..im glad that i haf established some really trustworthy relationships within the church..im still scared to share abt myself..but i will in time to come..becos i know that its a choice..and i make the choice to be vulnerable to these frens..pray for mi to be wise..that i will choose who to share to..hahahah..key might be the only person able to understand this..

okok back to mugging..

boring

like how boring was today?..maybe theres something wrong with mi..it was juz a sense of, hmmm dread?..im not too sure also la..the day started out ok..woke up early to go study session at 12 but no one was there yet..and i didnt know y i had to wake up so early to go to somewhere where ppl said they wanted to go but turned up late..did work with daniel's laptop and thanks daniel!..joel and yk came at like 1245 and didnt do much work before we went to eat lunch..prayer meeting started at 130 and it didnt helped that i was attitude-ed..

got damn sian and juz wanted to stone..was tinking y in the world do i haf to go thru so much stuff for ppl when they obviously dun care..or maybe it's juz mi..was THROUGHLY burdened during prayer meet and i juz wanted to cry..den the song came, and there was this line..lord, we trust in your unfailing love..it was den, that suddenly, i felt the tears appeared and flowed..i haven cried in service for a long time..haven cried while singing a song for a long time..i didnt haf any feelings but the tears juz came..i was so embarrassed lol..

lord, wat can i do but to trust in you? that wat is happening now is for the better? den u are doing ur work and ppl can feel u coming in to change their lives and they are restricting u? and they restrict mi as well and it sucks!..y do i haf to slog for ppl who dun care..but god, ive been there..ive been where i restricted you cos u were trying to change mi..i protested and im sure i disappointed my leaders quite a lot..always believed in this phrase - what goes around comes aroud - now ive felt wat my leaders felt while taking care of mi..and if they didnt perseverd, i wouldnt be in this position to persevere and lead others to be wat u intended for them to be..and i rmb i did tell u that i wanted to play a part in the moulding of youths..but i didnt realise, that its so hard..

maybe cos im a rather emotional person..and i hurt easily ba..

service time got better..praise and worship rocked and i was standing beside gideon!..haha..dinner was lethargic..had meeting and was quite inspired by dan's words..however, i felt that i made a mistake while toking to my grp and i felt horrible after that..it seems as tho im making so many mistakes now?..i guess i really gotta learn to take control as well as tinking thru wat i want to say real carefully and pick my choice of words carefully..had nothing to do so went to dota after that..didnt felt like playing anymore after one game and i caused everyone to end..sorry guys..

went for dinner before slacking outside xbox..didnt feel like staying so i went home with hannah..laughed with her and the west guys on the journey back home which took my mind off things..went back home, sat down in front of my com..and all i felt was..blank..which is weird..ubber weirdness..

i tink i shld go choose worship songs..i wonder wats wrong with mi..

done

juz did quiet time with god and im feel great again..dreams and visions for god flooded out from mi as i wrote so fast and hard in our DMW journal..it was an emotional time where i juz poured out my heart, hates, sadness and frustration to god..he took them all =)

yes im weak. so wat? god ll make mi into a stong leader. god works thru weakness. yes i suck.. but god loves mi still..GOD LOVES MI STILL! amazing amazing..i dun mind being weak if god would use me..i rather be weak and used by god den strong but not used by god..

i will pull thru cos im carried by Him.

insecurity

feeling quite lousy now..and i dunno y leh..sometimes u know, u look at urself and u tink that my goodness!!..u haf so many weaknesses!!..and i haf super duper loads of weaknesses..feeling terribly lousy cos i dun tink im good enuf to lead anyone..insecurity perhaps..

there are like a ton of things that are burdening mi and some of them, i haf NO IDEA how to go abt doing it except pray that somehow god ll juz do his thing..u know wat i mean..

i dunno was im feeling..i haf to go tok to god..

metamorphosis

there is only one word to describe today, and that is amazing..haha seriously, all the songs that we sang today were of god's amazing love..metamorphosis started at 10 but the guys only reached at like 1230..and i was bluffed to wake up at 8 and am so tired now..

juz ended dota and i used enchantress for the first time and i wasnt that noob after all!! :D:D:D..

ok that was random..anyways to continue..yeah so we went to metamorphosis and gabriel came all the way to orchard to eat lunch..haha and i still dunno whether to believe that jem takes japanese class so oh well..anyways when we finally went for meta it was games time and we sat for dennis' teaching on outreach..den it was the games, where we had to run ard orchard..and CENTRAL B3 CAME IN FIRST FOR THE GAMES!!..hahah and we won this super duper huge packet of thing that contains a lot a lot of food!!..which i feel like taking a pic of right now and so i shall..we are gonna share that for cg tml haha..i tink i lost weight too due to all that running..

and joshua and joel got holy spirit baptized today!!..i was so happy i felt like hugging someone but i couldnt cos they were all guys..sad..i was super duper touched by god today..cos he gave mi a whole new perspective in something..shirley said that we always find god interesting and amazing and beyond our imagination..but shirley said that god finds us amazing too..when we come before him and talk to him, he actually finds mi amazing..i cant believe that!..i mean, im juz a human being and god finds mi amazing?!..and shirley said we shldnt insult god by saying that im not good and all that kinda stuff..cos den we are saying that god made a mistake in creating us and god makes no mistakes..wow, god finds mi amazing..thats new..heh..

effort

its 230am and im enjoying solitude in my room listening to here i stand on itunes..toking to david hoe on msn now and im enjoying his chatting..i juz realise that im left with a year in youth..haha..guess i ll really miss it when i move on :D..

didnt do much today..went to jarvin's place to slack..and we cooked mee sua for him cos it was his bday..and it was NICE..

sometimes i tink no one really understands mi at all..i dun even understand myself sometimes..i dunno why im procrastinating when im supposed to be studying..i dunno y im feeling some feelings..i dun even know wat are the feelings im feeling..sometimes i sit in my room and cry, when i dun even know wat im feeling..it feels good to cry..cos everything comes out..things known and things unknown..it all comes out..den i ll be emptied..thats where god comes in..

thats y i love jesus so much u know..i juz dun understand how he can understand mi..even as i sit in this room all alone, i know he's right beside mi..somehow someway, i can feel his presence..he's waiting for mi to go tok to him..and sometimes im such an ASS COS I PROCRASTINATE!..i love him so much cos he loves mi much more..he didnt love mi cos i did something..he loved mi becos he is he..he chose to love mi..and he understands mi!..even when no one does he can understand mi!..he sits besides mi as i cry..i rmb someone once told mi that god collects all our tears..man, i muz haf an ocean already..aft i cry, he fills mi with his comfort, and he gives mi this weird sense of peace..a supernatural thing that cannot be explained..

holy one, prince of peace
great and mighty is your name
all i need, is found in you
come and touch my heart again

i will lift my hands to you
i will lift my hands to you

here i stand, lord i pray
let ur glory fill this place
here i worship, touching heaven
lord i long to see your face
here i stand

dan's house

hello everyone!!..im at ZACHARY's house now and im bored..we are tinking of senseless stuff and we juz watched a DUMB SPASTIC show on scv which totally doesnt make any sense!.

ok gotta go home now cos we ll miss the last bus!!..harry looks so cute hugging the bolster and im getting whacked by young dan feng!!..massage UR HEAD LA!!..

back

hello back from emu's chalet..pics are still with dear so i cant post them up yet..and maybe i wun want to anyway..but it was juz mind-blowing to imagine all of us wearing so nicely like we were going prom juz for a chalet..emu was the best tho..she looked exactly like a bride with her pink colour pillowcase she wore..LOL..was fun on the first night where we played retarded games with wenjun, mi, adel and emu..everyone was rolling ard the floor laughing so hard!..my stomach ached like MAD..time with classmates are really funnily spent..never a time without laughter..

back to home means back to my project..which means getting worry scared and all these kind of exam shit stress u get when u realise that its like almost 2 weeks to exams and u haven really studied anything yet..IM DEAD..gosh this is a lesson which i NEVER learn!!!..not to procrastinate!!..ok lord growing still growing..i haf to grow in this area..i suck at it man..everything also procrastinate..cannot cannot!!!..

which means that, u guys ll prob see mi blogging at unearthly hours such as 3 4 5am, and waking up at 9am to finish my project..i never knew how ppl can wake up before 12 anyway..but guess ive been doing that for 18 years of my life still government schools finally got out of my life..den it seems as tho waking up for macdonalds breakfast is so so so hard..

there were many things i learnt in svs yest..and i dunno y but slowly, god seems to be coming back :D:D:D..

journals

met zelanie today..finally :D..haha..

was juz reading my journal and im quite hmmm..surprised at my spiritual journey..it seems as tho that im always in a state of, how to say ah, trouble?..always in some case of struggling wat i wan to yet i know i shldnt do..and it seems as tho page after page, im always crying out for god's help..and without fail, i ll write these few 4 words to god..i might forget to write down my prayers sometimes, i might not be consistent with recording down points i learnt in PDL, i could be too lazy to note down some verses that spoke to mi..but every entry, there would be 4 words..

i love you lord.

that kinda summarizes my cry to god..in those 4 words i tell him more than any words could ever try to describe..trust, help, need, thanks, comfort etc etc..kinda relieved that i managed to finally keep the habit of having a journal..it helps so much during tough times cos i would flip thru those pages and see wat i haf told god but forgot as time passed..

there are 2 ways that satan might use to take away the joy from ur serving..
1) by tempting you to compare ur ministry with that of others
2) by tempting you to comform ur ministry with the expectations of others

i guess i haf fallen into both categories before..i never really saw it that way till i read purpose driven life..

sitting here at 120 am listening to inside out, juz sitting here and tinking abt how god has played a part in my life..being absorbed into the song..tinking of the times i quarrelled with god and refuesed to listen to him..tinking of the times when i told him that i would fully obey him whether i like it a not..laughing at my own contradictions, tinking how sucky i am..i needed that journal to remind mi of wat i asked of god, wat i told him that i will do..tinking of how i apologized to god and asked him not to turn his back to mi, of how i pleaded with him to let mi hear his voice again..

i can imagine my life without god..oh yeah, i can totally imagine it..but i guess, i wouldnt trade my life now for anything in the world..yeah, i probably wouldnt..