this day

today was quite a good day..the only thing was that i procrastinated doing my assignment and im feeling super guilty abt that..but oh well i still haf the whole night to do provided that i do not get caught up in OURAN HIGH SCHOOL HOST CLUB introduced to mi by choonmin..that anime is so spastic and retarded and funny that i juz gotta watch it!!..hhaha..

so anyways today i did qt in the morning..and god spoke to mi a verse in isa somethng..which im lazy to check now..aiya i go check now la..alright here goes..

they did not thirst when he led them through the deserts;
he made water flow for them from the rock;
he split the rock and water gushed out.
-isa 48:21-

wah so amazing..can u imagine?..going thru the desert without being thirsty?..its like having a portable oasis moving along with you wherever u are in the desert..and he made water flow out of a rock!!..y a rock of all things?..and a rock u know!!..like such a hard material but he manage to make water flow out of it..god really takes care of all our needs..even to the smallest detail he ll also spend time to teach us..his patience for man is to mi, absolutely unfathomable..again..heh..

met ting today..and we were toking abt how our moms, altho they are usually quite cautios with their money..but when it comes to buying stuff like clothes or handphones they are quite willing to spend a big amount of money on it..its like they will go all out to make us happy..they slog hard work hard all for us, their children..and if earthly parents can take care of their children so well..how much more our father in heaven?!..like honestly, using logical thinking..god ll go even more out to make us happy..we juz haf to lay out our requests in front of him..and if its according to his will, he ll give..marvelous god i haf..

xuanting was a super happy gurl today..she was so excited that she SCREAMED when she saw her best fren walking out of heeren..and she was also excited while toking abt her GC..and also when she told mi how her excitement grew as she shared abt her experiences as a child of god to her frens..she's so excited that she makes mi excited..heh..i wana be excited for jesus!!..

and we won in dota today!!!..there was somethng wrong with my mouse..so i clicked on the wrong hero..I DUNNO HOW TO USE!!!..but i still managed to get killing spree!!!..woohoo..hahaha..im happy for that..

some ppl juz dun get it

sometimes i look at the world ard mi..and i wonder y some ppl juz dun get it..that god is such a wonderful person to haf in their lives..i keep tinking y ppl like to rely on their own strengths, maybe they feel more accomplished when they manage to do something well..my god is juz so amazing that im once again stunned by how much he loves people..how much he is willing to endure humankind for all the insults they haf heaped on him..how much he loves the most unlovable ppl and died for them..

absolutely unfathomable.

i juz cant stop gushing abt my god..he is juz so so perfect..so wonderful and amazing..so fantastic..everything in the world screams of his goodness..the sun, the stars, the birds and the flowers..the grass and the wind..the cliffs and the hills..all describe a part of my most beloved god..

when i tink abt god..i can so excited..my face gets hot and my heart starts to beat faster..my mind starts to wonder wat it would be like when i finally get to meet him in heaven..how it would be so cool when i fianlly get down to the secret place with only mi and him and i ll tell him of all that has happened on earth..so so excited..i cant wait for it:DDDD..

i love my jesus so much..but i know, he loves mi even more..

blogging

the world cup has become more exciting since its now the 2nd rounds already..yest's match where germany beat sweden was an exciting one..hahha kept mi at the edge of my seat..or shld i say bed..and theres england vs ecuador tonight..seriously im quite scared for england..they might lose..u never know wat to expect with england if u know wat i mean..hahah..

i really gotta start doing my work again..lost the momentum when i went to hongkong..dun feel like studying anymore..hahah..which actually got mi tinking..im left with only one more year in school den its the work life for mi..well maybe if i get invited to do honours (which im aiming for) den i would haf another year of school before proceeding to the oh-so-scary world..but anyways, im gonna work soon..ive never really tot of it till now..wat am i gonna do?

am i still gonna be in the youth?..i certainly hope so..cos i love youth so so much..one more year..wat am i gonna do?..now it seems like the things that i haven done and the plans ive made all come crashing down upon mi..its kinda like..im left with another 365 days to accomplish a number of things..wow, every single day is really precious now..maybe, its time to start a bigger fight against my number one enemy, procrastination..yeah, i tink its time..

it seems, ive lost the flair for blogging..when i read thru my recent posts..all of it seems so shallow and superficial..even if i do touch on deeper things, i always stop at the minimum, not explaining or giving more insights into it..its like, i dunno wat to say anymore..

the time has come

Found love beyond all reason
You gave Your life Your all for me
And called me Yours forever
Caught in the mercy fallout
I found hope found life
Found all I need
You're all I need

The time has come
To stand for all we believe in
So I for one am gonna
Give my praise to You

Today today its all or nothing
All the way
The praise goes out to You
Yeah all the praise goes out to You
Today today I live for one thing
To give You praise
In everything I do
Yeah all the praise goes out to You

smile becos im happy

better blog now before i get no more chance too..cos theres sweden vs germany later :D..and aft that i ll prob be super tired and dun wana blog so..yeah..

stepping back into nexus is simply a wonderful feeling..i juz didnt go for one day and i miss nexus so so much..juz kept telling god how good it feels to be back..cant imagine if i went on holiday for more than a week..seriously i ll juz die of missing service la..hahah..

managed to catch up with claire aft pclm today..talked abt many things that were on our minds..in church, there shldnt be any judgments from anyone to anyone..becos we all haf no right to do so, cos christ died for all of us..hence, we are all children of god..we are all the same..so lets not judge..

was reminded of this teaching that shuyi gave mi sometime ago when she was still my shepherd..it was abt the tongue..she told mi the power of the tongue..words can build up or destroy..i really tink, everyone shld watch wat they say before they talk..they might not know the impact that words can haf on people..and tinking of wat some particular person said abt central ppl..im seriously pissed..

and we haf a convert today!!..jensen from pjc..welcome!!!...

complexity

wats the big deal abt being complex?..i juz dun get it..ppl view complexity as the highest form of human achievement that one can attain in one's enitre lifetime..they love spending time with similar ppl to talk abt the complexities of life..to learn and understand and to try to decipher why the universe is like that or y human beings act the way they do..

their favourtie pastime is to question..they love intellectul conversations..to give seemingly sophisticated answers that might wow those who hear them..they use big words to replace actions and feelings that can be so simple described with smaller ones..tranquility, perturb, indelible and wat not..wats the point?..seriously, it bores mi..and once ever so often, it disgusts mi..

i haf always reckon that man's greatest mistake is to complicate the simple things of god..and ive never felt more strongly abt this till now..y wana be so complicated?..so wat if u are complex?..does it give u a higher stature among ur frens?..maybe it does, but does it gives u higher stature among the many other believers in the eyes of god?..no..complexity cloudes ur views of god..it makes u question things that haf absolutely no need to question..wats so difficult in obeying god that u haf to question every single thing that he asks u to do?..

simplicity brings u closer to god than any amount of complexity can ever do..ironically, simplicity is the ultimate complexity..to attain complexity is simple, but to attain simplicity is complex..god, i wana be simple..

stop questioning, start doing.

one more thing..i dun understand y ppl like to question the law..they look consistently for loopholes in the law so that they can use the law to their fullest advantage..if they cant find any loopholes, den they start to come up with excuses to justify their actions..wats wrong with man?!..wrong means wrong..wrong means dun do!!..take for example underage drinking..its against the law..which part of LAW dun u understand?..the law is not juz set up by men, its by god..GOD for goodness sake..GOD our LORD..there are simply no excuses for such actions..furthermore, it tarnishes ur own credibility..wat if younger believers follow u?..can u afford to be responsible for them?..no, u cant..and u never will be able to..

be careful, however, that the exercise of ur freedom does not become a stumbling block to the weak. for if anyone with a weak conscience sees you who haf this knowledge eating in an idol's temple, wont he be emboldened to eat wat has been sacrificed to idols? so this weak brother, for whom christ died, is destroyed by your knowledge. when u sin against your brothers in this way and wound their weak conscience, you sin against christ. therefore, if wat i eat causes my brother to fall into sin, i ll never eat meat again, so that i will not cause him to fall.

- 1 cor 8: 9-13-

back from hongkong

hello im back from hongkong!!..went for 4 days and didnt manage to shop to my heart's content..seriously i still had quite a bit of money left and im regretting some of the things that i didnt buy!!..argh..so anyways..i really really missed singapore and everyone here..it isnt till i went overseas den i realise wat a true blue singaporean i am..hahha..

went on sat so i kept tinking abt wat i would haf been doing if i were not in hongkong..esp since it was svs day and all the ppl that i ll be missing while im in that concrete jungle..and seriously, it was concrete..there wasnt a single tree in sight in the city..it was juz grey and dull..illuminated by the neon street lights that only flicker on at night..did u know hongkong is the 2nd most expensive city to live in with tokyo in first place..and we went to repulse bay where all the rich ppl like jackie chan and stanley ho stayed..with their big houseS and some of them can even afford to purchase half a mountain so that they would haf no neighbours..rich ppl, are crazy..

the best thing was prob disneyland..went back to my childhood roots man..ahhah with pooh and mickey and all those ppl in those suits and whom are prob dying with the heat within..my sis totally enjoyed herself and so did i..hahah..they werent any really scary rides tho so yeah..went to ocean park too but it didnt haf much..except seeing a really gigantic and horrible looking shark..haha..

and u know wat..i tink god is really divine..hahha..i met choonie and choonmin on the 2nd day while walking ard mongkok on the streets..like how BIG is hongkong?!..even in singapore the chances of meeting someone while walking down orchard road is quite small..imagine hongkong!!..and i met them!!!..took pics with choonie's fone and that is really something to rmb..didnt meet suet tho but i heard they met her..hahha..how small is small..how big is our god..

ahhh i juz miss svs and all u guys so much..absence really makes the heart grow fonder..while in hongkong i manage to spend time with my family so that was great..but i did much tinking too..abt church and all tt stuff..hahah..good good..i liked it..

ll post up the pics as soon as i get them..its in my dad's com now and im lazy to go over to their room and send the pics to mi..hahah..still regretting some things that i didnt buy!!..sighs..

went to kap to study today with xuanting winnie and sandy..and i managed to get a few questions which i had no idea how to do yest done!!!..cheers!!..anyways it was a really nice shepherding time with xuanting today and we were talking abt loads of things that haf happened..from how tcm is really tcm to greatest challenges to how god is so patient..den winnie joined us and we studied..

saw yk there with jeremiah and he was dao again..wat family?!!..hahah..

cg yest was really fun..playing some spastic ball game with a balloon!!..can u believe it?..and we celebrated simon's farewell..i know simon will be a great blessing in ywam, juz as how he has been such a great joy and blessing in central b..simon u ll be sorely missed!!!..

slacked a bit with sandy aft winnie went off..we were so useless in studying that we got to the point of observing how ppl walked up the stairs..seriously, some ppl climb up the stairs really very funny..hahahah..

anyways im going hongkong tonight..and i ll be missing svs..sad..hope i rmb to get watever ppl haf asked mi to get..oh wells..

somemore pictures..



geneie has a new name..poofy..



mi and sinyee



acting emo..



mine good fren, elise..and i tink my fringe looks nice..haha..



this is my team..i so love this team..we are so different but when placed together..we complete one another..lol..that sounded like some lovey-dovey couple would say..

*sometimes i dunno whether to love you or to hate you*

encounter

here are the pics for ENCOUNTER!!..i got these mostly from qinyan's and xiang's digicams..argh i cant wait to get my own cam..so i can stop taking from others..i still haf to find the pic of mi and my personal comedian no. 1..and i seriously dunno where i can find the person..oh wells..but anyways here some of the pics from my collection!!..



central rocks my socks..



my unit gurls!!..new name for geneie is POOFY!!..cos of his hair..



ok gurls again..



these are my 2 pretty sheep..xiang and daixuan..they make my heart go thump thump thump..



another of my sheep cheryl sim..ok i need to get the pics of my 2 other sheep xuanting and choonie..these ppl make up my life..



oh and this is my shopping buddy aka close fren aka a lot other things..thanks to the blurry shot so we dun look too ugly..hahah..




this is at the end of the camp when we were waiting to go home..isnt cheryl chio?!..and fungmin looks so cute..we were doing the 1 2 3 4 5 6 thing..



now it was the guys turns to do it!!..and look at SIMON AND ROBERT!!!..super super cute rite?!?!?!?..simon looks like a happy small boy!!..and that robert ah..pretend to act robort only..a lot of crap underneath..



guanie came to visit us during the camp..hello guanie!!..im still in the youth grp and doing well!!..you muz do well in tertiary too okays!!



xiang mi dewen and bao bao..we acted in the drama together..hahah..



one of the spastic things that we did during camp..cos johnathan provided us with the super shocker sweet so we all ate together and gave the wah very suanm face..hahaha..derrick loves this pic cos he says he looks slim here..

oh and did i mention that my cg are mad?..like seriously mad?..heres wat they did the whole time during camp..i was so afraid for them..





i was like please come down!!..johnathan stop carrying ppl!!..yongsheng xia lai!!..and leon got carried too but we didnt manage to capture his pic..tcm got a breajthru and im happy!!..hahah..these guys ah..not scared of anything one..

and so, camp was a good one..now that i reflected more upon it..wat can i do without god my love, my lord and my fren?..wat did i do to deserve this wonderful family that u haf given mi?..wat did i do that u blessed mi with never-ending joy that constantly fills my heart?..wat did i do lord, that u love mi so much?..

if i sin knowingly, its horrible rite?..self control, self control..

world cup

ok my mom took over the tv and hence i cant watch world cup..sad..hooray im updating my blog!!..i tink its been collecting dust..

actually i was really lazy to blog abt everything that has happened but i got inspiration to aft i read tracy's blog..encounter was simply awesome..god has never shown himself so amazingly in my life..where he worked in such a tangible way that i can never deny his existence..

i went to camp with an unrepentent heart..i wanted the best of both worlds and i stubbornly clinged onto it..i knew one had to go, but i didnt wan any to go..so i chose both..and i compromised, and as all christians know, compromising isnt gonna be good for you cos den ur heart is divided and u cant really concentrate on one thing..know wat i mean?..so thruout the whole camp, god juz spoke this to mi..u cannot haf the best of both worlds, one man cannot serve 2 masters..so gurl, which would it be?..mi or the world?..

bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. test mi in this," says the Lord Almighty, "and see if i will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that you will not have enough room for it. mal 3:10

so clinging onto this promise, i raised my expectations for the camp..i knew deep within mi that it was in this camp that a decision had to be made..and that decision would affect my life in the long term..unwilling tho i was, the time had come for mi to make that decision..and so i did..god or the world?..god, of course..always god..goodbye stranger..

and so i made the choice, and so far, so good..i hope it stays that way..haha..

and this camp, god told mi one more thing..and that is to focus..focus ur energy on one point and move on..that was really bam in the face..cos the day before i was juz crying out to god telling him that i cant do it and i dunno how im gonna do it if they wun allow it..and this was wat he said..focus, my dear, and do it..dun tink..haf faith..

simple faith rocks my socks..i wana haf passion, not excitement..cos passion is like u love it so much tt u do it rain or shine..week aft week u juz do it cos u love it so much..and i wan passion for jesus..juz zam..if u do everything half-heartedly, den god also bless u half-heartedly lor..hahah i love this one..and i learnt to haf expectation..and also i got a new insight recently..god has given us a new NATURE..nature u know..tt means a whole new character..a whole new person..that it will be so so natural to juz do the works of god..yeah i haf a new nature!!..and i claim it..

god is super good to mi..rmb my philosophy paper which i was so afraid of flunking cos it was quite last min?..he blessed with an A-..and so now i learn my lesson..im NOT gonna do last minute..im gonna start studying now!!..and i did my post assignment yest!!..im not gonna let it drag any longer..

lemme talk abt central b..seriously these ppl are MAD..mad for jesus taht they are super hyper..camp allowed mi to know many other ppl much much better and im so glad that im able to serve with them in hope..tracy said this..take away god and my church, and u are basically robbing mi of my life..cheerios to that, goes the same for mi..god = my life..

was talking to david hoe..lemme post you a question..wat is jesus to you?..

is jesus your lord?..

pray

please pray for my eye!!!!!!..

a wow ulc

packing my stuff for camp now and i absolutely hate packing..and i still haven find a duffel bag yet..oh wells..im loving camp even before it started..and i ll continue loving it even aft it ended..haha..

i had a great revelational time in ulc yest..we were taught by mandrain svs pastor james and he was a simple man with a simple desire to serve god..and u could see how god used this simplicity of his and did so many wonderful and powerful things..sometimes when u tink of it..the simple gets blessed and used the most and the complicated comes in and starts asking why how why..why can u work such miracles..how did u work such miracles?..are u sure this is from god?..why cant i work such things?..and then the complicated gets all superior..and they start to get skeptical..and they try hard to work to get those miralces..and of course, they dun get them..cos god doesnt give his gifts to whoever works to get it..he gives gifts to those he likes, to those he knows tt ll use the gifts according to his plans..

so, it pays to be simple..right smack in the face of all who tinks that they shld know everything before doing something..you wun get the answers to everything of life..

pastor james said this yest..wat do u haf to lose?..if u go up to a person and pray for healing and it doesnt happen..wat do u haf to lose?..if u go to evax and that person tinks u are some siao person..wat do u haf to lose?..i know wat we haf to lose..our pride..we feel pai seh..crap man!!..this pride of ours hinder us from so many miracles of god!!..wat in the world was i tinking?!..how can i let culture influence mi?..wat is pride?..i tell u wats true pride..when u feel joy from god..man thats the pride that i would die to haf..worldly pride?..give mi a break..it doesnt matter..

two words..just believe..

you ll be amazed at wat believe can do..to the complicated and those who tink they are superior..i realy really pray that for once in ur life..JUZ ONCE..just believe and follow..wat do u haf to lose?

hard but i haf to do it

its been a long, long week with a lot a lot of happenings that are not contributing anything to my spiritual development at all..hmmmm wait..maybe it does contribute..makes mi more aware of myself and how much i actually still haf to grow..its only 7 days but it felt like months..and all before camp too!!..

absolute obedience and absolute accountability..someting that god has drilled to mi every single day of the week and of which im still trying really hard to apply..i tink rite, as u stay longer in christ, ur tests become harder and harder..and u start to fail more..becos now god is starting to get into ur heart area, starting to invade ur personal space, tugging u out of ur comfort zone and ever so slowly but surely placing his seal over every inch of ur soul..

and of course, we dun like it..like for example for 20 years of my life ive loved drinking milo and now, someone juz comes in and tell u that hey gurl, stop drinking milo and drink water instead..and u ask y?..and he says, juz do it its good for ur health..and u ask again..er, i dun understand, milo not good for my health meh?..and he says yeah its not good, stop drinking it..i bet ur reaction would be..huh?u siao ah. y is it not good? ok wat!..and den he comes in and says..look, milo is not good. i know y its not good and i mean u no harm. trust mi. are u willing to give it up? there is something much better for u..

argh!!!!..something that u like and haf been made into a lifestyle and now god tells u to GIVE IT UP!!..i know that i shld and i know tt i would..but im like trying to prolong tt decision..and in the process rite, i lose out on so so much..sighs if only i had made that decision in the first place AND stick to it..den things would be so much easier and peaceful..but now that i finally got the head knowledge to heart knowledge (well at least i hope i did)..now smile!!..

i got this random thought yest..every action has a consequence, it juz depends whether theres a heveanly reward..

help

i lost in dota..damn sian..its been a long long week..i hope camp works wonders for mi..

please lord..i really need u..

but im not praying..shucks..

happiness

dear blog..im so happy now..someone juz made my day by telling mi that the games was quite interesting!!..wheee!!..im so happy happy happy..thanks to everyone who encouraged mi :)..was freaking out over the games but oh well..its all in god's hands as usual..

to xiang: dun be too bothered..perservere!!..its god's ppl so he would do something abt them..pray and let go..rmb david wilkerson k..

god is very funny..he always gives us a way out at the last possible minute..like juz to make us wait and pray and pray and wait..and also..it always seems that the way out provided for us is even better than wat we initially asked for..and also, god likes to show us our moronic we are..its like we always plan and plan and we slog so hard yet we see no results..den at the point where we quite give up already and at the point of not knowing wat to do, den he provides the results to us..hmmm..i tink its quite a good thing..den we would always be reminded that we human beings can do nothing by ourselves till we rely on god..

i tink rite, that we shld plan still..but now, after learning my mistake..i tink we shld plan WITH god..ask him to shape our plans according to watever he wans to do and not watever we want him to do..sometimes i tink of god sitting up there in his throne among the clouds, looking down on us trying to plan some big thing without him and laughing at our stupidity..and the worst thing is..we always learn that all plans that are not committed to him turn out to naught and we still take so long to learn..human beings are weird creatures..

dun give mi that crap that its all a numbers game..wow..im so in love with this phrase..u know wats so cool abt pastor jeff?..its that he is not afraid to tell u in ur face that u are wrong..and he does it so cool-ly and yet u still can feel his love..sometimes i tink god speaks that way to us..i mean, god has known human beings for dunno how long..and for dunno how many generations, we haf always been doing the same sin over and over..isnt god tired?..weird yeah..

i dun like it when i dunno whether ppl are with mi in this race a not..i tink, i shall go ask ard soon..

home

hello im back to blogging..the previous post wasnt from mi..haha..

a lot of things haf been happening in my life and all i know is that i disappointed god..being unrepentant is a horrible feeling..it numbs all ur senses and u cant feel god anymore..u haf eyes but cant see, u haf ears but cant hear..that's the scary thing..cos aft u haf experienced god speaking at such an intimate level with you and one day u realise tt u cant hear from this voice that has become somewhat of a norm..trust mi, u ll freak out..

and if u dun persevere on to juz cling on to that stubborn hope of wanting to hear that oh-so-wonderful voice again..den u are letting urself drift away..and one day u ll drift so far tt u start to tink whether its worth it to turn back..it takes more effort to keep banging against the wall den to juz stop and let the wall engulf you..thats how many ppl backslide i guess..cos they dun wana use effort to get back to when they could easily hear from god..they try once twice thrice and maybe they failed..so they dun wana try anymore..

but i dun care..i wana try and try and try till i can hear from god once again..i WUN EVER give up..i wana be like jacob, not letting go of god till god has blessed him..

when u quarrel with ur best fren, ll u feel awakard when u see him aft ur quarrel?..even tho u might haf settled everything already and come to a solution..you ll still feel weird rite?..cos the relationship was strained and it takes time for it to heal and be back to normal..but aft that u know that the relationship isnt as normal as it was before cos u know that the 2 of u haf been thru some arguments in ur life and now..theres greater understanding of one another and this enhances and strengthens the frenship..and den, the both of u are going along happily till u reach the nxt quarrel..and aft pulling thru tt ur relationship gets even better..im sure u been thru that before rite?..haha..

so its the same with god..im not giving up this frenship..im holding on to it..there was a choice to make and i made it..god is more impt than anything in my life..if i cant hear from him, den i can do absolutely nothing..and that, is more scary than anything one can face in life..