journals

met zelanie today..finally :D..haha..

was juz reading my journal and im quite hmmm..surprised at my spiritual journey..it seems as tho that im always in a state of, how to say ah, trouble?..always in some case of struggling wat i wan to yet i know i shldnt do..and it seems as tho page after page, im always crying out for god's help..and without fail, i ll write these few 4 words to god..i might forget to write down my prayers sometimes, i might not be consistent with recording down points i learnt in PDL, i could be too lazy to note down some verses that spoke to mi..but every entry, there would be 4 words..

i love you lord.

that kinda summarizes my cry to god..in those 4 words i tell him more than any words could ever try to describe..trust, help, need, thanks, comfort etc etc..kinda relieved that i managed to finally keep the habit of having a journal..it helps so much during tough times cos i would flip thru those pages and see wat i haf told god but forgot as time passed..

there are 2 ways that satan might use to take away the joy from ur serving..
1) by tempting you to compare ur ministry with that of others
2) by tempting you to comform ur ministry with the expectations of others

i guess i haf fallen into both categories before..i never really saw it that way till i read purpose driven life..

sitting here at 120 am listening to inside out, juz sitting here and tinking abt how god has played a part in my life..being absorbed into the song..tinking of the times i quarrelled with god and refuesed to listen to him..tinking of the times when i told him that i would fully obey him whether i like it a not..laughing at my own contradictions, tinking how sucky i am..i needed that journal to remind mi of wat i asked of god, wat i told him that i will do..tinking of how i apologized to god and asked him not to turn his back to mi, of how i pleaded with him to let mi hear his voice again..

i can imagine my life without god..oh yeah, i can totally imagine it..but i guess, i wouldnt trade my life now for anything in the world..yeah, i probably wouldnt..