Closed

The second hole on my right ear closed on me today..I didn't realise the ear stick dropped out and that hole eventually closed..It isn't the first time that one of my earholes closed, but I always took a earring and forcibly opened up that hole again..of course the process hurt like mad, but I always preferred having all my earholes with me..if one closes, it feels like something's missing from a part of my life..

But this time, I was too tired of reopening the hole again.

Maybe this is like, a reminder from God..like you know how God likes his people to build altars to remind them of His faithfulness, or how he had the Israelites circumcised so that they will always remember that they are the Children of God..

Yeah, maybe its a reminder indeed. It is closed :)

Wat The Hell?!

Singapore May Devalue Currency in April, Survey Shows

Read it here:
http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601087&sid=aGkR0DLAxNk0&refer=home

Why why why?!!

Taiwan Shows

I love taiwan variety shows..they really really crack me up! There's this segment in 天才Go Go Go! that was something like charades..just that the person who's describing the topic had to describe it in english, while the other person have to guess the topic in chinese..and you know, taiwanese english aint very good..so the conversation between the two participants went like this..

Female: Your father, very good. You, so so. Your son, bad.

Male: 上梁不振下梁歪

Female: 不对不对！再来。Your son, bad. Your son son, very bad. Your son son son, very very bad.

Male: 一代不如一代

Female: 对！

hahahha..oh man..i can sit at home one whole day just watching taiwanese variety shows and do nothing else..these shows make me very very happy!

Little Gifts of Life

one of the highlights of this week would be hanging out with 4/5 of y-budd on tuesday for a little catching up..celebrated jy's bday and decorated this cake for him and got him all surprised because he totally wasnt expecting it..here's a pic of the happy bday boy, and of the cake which we decorated..

its really comforting to be around this old bunch of friends, just enjoying one another's presence and basking in the ambience of friendship over oily and greasy food at tiong bahru market..jacq had to leave after dinner, but me junyao and dewen travelled to river valley on attempts to play a game of L4D before heading home, but failed as the lanshop we went to didnt have enough space for us..

and so we headed over to starbucks at valley point, ordered a cup of java chip and literally slacked..for abt 40 mins, dewen and I were playing games on our respective psp while junyao read a games magazine..afterwhich, dewen's psp ran out of battery and he spent another 20 mins trying to coax me to letting him play my psp, which resulted in a very noisy banter between the 3 of us..

but i honestly enjoyed the silence that we shared together while doing our own individual stuff..and something in my heart warmed when I realised how these friends are willing to share their time with me and offer even more of their presence and time after hearing my problems..

seriously, I was very touched when junyao said that I can always call them out because this is the time when I need my friends the most, and when jacq put her arms ard me and said that everything's gonna be alright..and I was surprised when dewen analysed my character so accurately in the cab and was able to pinpoint where I was hurting the most when I couldn't find the words to describe my situation to him..

though I didn't and couldn't share much, yet somehow, they seem to know how I am truly feeling..the little gifts of life that God just decides to bless me with..so, thank you my friends :)

Tonight

突然好想你
你会在那里
过得快乐或委屈

突然好想你
突然锋利的回忆
突然模糊的眼睛

I'm Not The Demure Kind

Have been totally hooked on this song.



I like this band!

Randomness

Cynthia:
you were drunk yesterday?

princess prissy_is chui-ed:
no ah
never drink at all what
why leh?

Cynthia:
then why you caption "chui-ed"

princess prissy_is chui-ed:
oh that means tired la, or sleepy
hahah
and that was yest's nick

Cynthia:
don't kanna rape

princess prissy_is chui-ed:
wun kanna rape la!!!
i just went to gym during lunch yest only what!
now im sleepy, thats all

Cynthia:
good night then

I have a funny mom.

Decisions

You know one thing that I seriously don't like, is to feel that I am obligated to do something or be a particular kind of person for someone..Makes me feel that I have to hide my true identity and personality and cater to the other party..This isn't how a friendship should be..So, I seriously don't think that this is worth my time.

Your loss haha.

Random ramblings in the middle of the day..Must be due to the lack of sleep..

I Should

I really really, REALLY, should delete my MSN history.

But I cant bring myself to. Sighs.

Promise

I promise myself that I am never going to do this again. I cannot let this sin keep eating into my life.

I need to take some steps to change my lifestyle.

Why I Love Them

Me:
janngg!!! jiayou jiayou!! dun give up!!

see you at the end of the marathon ok! next time in heaven we must hang out often and then i pray god give me more wisdom so i can counter-suan all you SJI guys then HAHAAH..

Jang:
hahaha eh we never suan you la!its called communication:)

I don't mind if they continue communicating like that to me hahah..but one day, everyone will need to grow up.

A Concoction Of Emotions

As I reflect on my life, I find that my most memorable times would be spent with people whom I really enjoy..as I walked along life's journey, I met many different kinds of people..some stayed and journeyed with me on this walk of life, while others walked with me for a while, and then they left..

At 23 years of age, I've somehow come to realise how helpless I really am..how I've thought myself big enough to maybe play a part in evoking a change of heart in another human being..but at the end of it all, the joke's on me..because a human being can never ever change another human being..at the bottom line, it is God, and only God, who truly saves and changes..

Growing up is such a tough process..as I met up with him and them whom I really love..I cant help but feel that I should let you go, yet I'm afraid of what would happen if I'm not there to be a shoulder that you can lean on in times where you should fail..but as I discussed with a particular friend one day, I think everyone might, in some point of their lives or another, need to fail more so that we can truly experience the grace and mercy of God..but depending on one's stubborness to accept our fragility, the intensity of the consequences of failing might in the end, be too hard for the person to bear..

Sometimes, maybe due to my personality, I feel that I can play a part in softening the impact of failure..I notice my innate need to feel a sense of control over a person's life..but as life slowly plays on..I've come to realise how things I've thought I had built up, or things I thought I had in control, are slowly breaking down, and I can do nothing about it..maybe this is God's way of training me, and showing me that He is ultimately the one in control..

I know I should move on, and God is in control, but yet at times of reflection, I am surprised to find my vision blurring and my cheeks wet even though I know that I can never bring back the past..sighs, emotions are such messy things..

Pathetic

If you want to make me laugh,
tell me your plans.

Love,
God

Ignoring What They Said

Ripped from Pastor Steve Furtick's blog:

Jesus is in the middle of performing a miracle in Mark 5:36, and some doubters start to voice their cynicism.

To describe Jesus’ reaction, Mark uses a phrase that ministered to me deeply last week:
“Ignoring what they said…”

Then, of course, Jesus goes on to heal the little girl, in spite of the surrounding doubt, teaching us a valuable lesson:

In order to witness the miraculous, sometimes you’ll have to ignore what they said.

Maybe some people are perpetually misjudging your motives, and nothing you say seems to sway their verdict.
Ignore what they said.

Perhaps someone in your past filled your head with insecurity about who you could never be, and what you could never do. (Several people told me adamantly I’d fail as a church planter.)
Ignore what they said.

Sometimes the voice of doubt is internal-and we struggle to tune out the static of condemnation, faithlessness, and worst case scenarios.
Ignore what they said.

If any voice is raising itself in contradiction to the will and Word of God concerning you, be like Jesus.
Practice selective hearing.
Ignore what they said.

I have believed in so many lies. From now on, I am going to ignore everything that you have told me that wrecked my self-worth and identity in Christ, ignore all criticisms that seek to destroy me instead of building me up, ignore all external voices that contradicts the Word of God.

I wana be a person of only one God.

Some Things Really Never Change

Had a ex 4/5 gathering last saturday somewhere in Marina Square..ended up having Breeks over there..you know how we say times change stuff, and we all grow up someday..out of 41 ppl in the class, these are the ones who did turn up..yes, gurls were sorely under-represented haha..

Some of us grew taller, smaller, thinner, fatter..hairstyles change and so on..but really, no matter what happens, some things, just, never change!

Then vs. Now - After 7 years



Still the middle finger..all led by our class monitor la!

Hisham and me are like black vs white..michael jackson! haha..

Middle fingers are littered in our photos! They never grow up!

Kah How is damn funny!

Had great fun that night! Maybe we will meet up again..say 3 years time? haha..facebook works wonders!

Chilling Out

TGIF! Actually its like Saturday night now. Hmm..I am watching bleach! Super nice..dun you guys find that Kuchiki Byakuya is just such a HOT name? And the way he says BANKAI, man, its kinda sexy :D I think Japanese have cool names..like Arabai Renji..I like to roll the 'r' with my tongue first..kinda brings out the flavour of the word haha.

Hung out with Ruiz at Marina Square for a little chilling out..This friend has control over my weekends! I actually agreed to go for youth service at 9am to help her out with image! hahah nvm I still love you friend! You are right in saying that our friendship is one of vulnerability, haha..thanks for being there for me! And we shld chill out more often..Bintan in April!!

Bestie Loh Huey Huey came to join us after her school..and boy, muffins from Kenny Rogers rocks my socks off my balls, bounce them off the walls and onto the floor..Jas has this warped way of making my troubles go woosh out the door and make me do all sorts of stupid and retarded things with her, laughing at our stupidity while realising that life is so short and we should all really just take everything with a pinch of salt..I love you so much Loh Huey Huey..if you are a guy, I confirm chop stamp will marry you hahaha..

Days go by..and time heals all wounds..

I Covet

My latest object of desire..$199 bucks!! I wana get it, but that would leave a BIG hole in my pocket.

Thank you Onitsuka and Tokidoki!

An Idle Mind

You know, its times like these, where I have not much work to do, when I would start tinking about many many stuff..and its times like these, where I would so want to ask you a few questions..just to see how you have been and whether everything is fine for you..and how, or rather can, I talk to you again?

And its times like these, where I have to force my thoughts away, towards something more exciting, something that would replace the twinge of sadness with a big smile of happyness and expectancy..something like, very preety jinqi's going to be meeting the boys melvin, mark, jarvin and yk next wednesday for some little catching up and definitely loads of suan-ing from them :) somehow, I'm kinda looking forward to that time..a little taste of the past where we were all in the same unit and had so much fun during cgs.

During times like these, somehow, I'm rather thankful for Mr Lee who's making me crack up with his jokes as he types furiously away on his laptop, trying to rush something for a client while I slack away on my blog.

Tomorrow's going to be a better day :)

Cool Stuff

I cannot make myself love God more by sheer willpower. But I can choose to be with him. I ask him to go through the day with me when I wake up. I learn to see his goodness in creation and beauty. I see him in the people whom I meet. I hear his voice in what I read. I ask his forgiveness for the many times I mess up. I thank him at the end of the day for his presence in it.

I can't make myself love God, but I can come to know him better. And because God is love, the more I come to know him, the more my love for him will grow. Love is a by-product of knowing. So I can spend this day loving God. And tomorrow I can seek to love him a little more. This is a life "rich toward God."

- John Ortberg
When The Game Is Over, It All Goes Back In The Box

My Fantastic Weekend

ok long overdue I know..but I just have the sudden urge to blog about my weekend! and boy, do you guys have to make me say it again - this is my blog and I can do whatever I want with it, and you cant do anything about it haha!

So on Friday, I met up with Sheppy Tamar to catch a movie at AMK hub..I had a really great time chatting with Shep and just sharing our lives, since I haven got the chance to meet up with her since she came back from HK..coming to tink of it, its preety cool how Tamar's my shep now and I can relate to her as how I am doing now..I used to think she was preety scary and too far (in terms of spiritual level) for me to connect with, and its just not true :) I guess our shepherd-and-sheep relationship really portrays to me that a frenship can really blossom once God is in the centre, and there are efforts on both sides..we shouldnt feel that the other party does not reciprocate our efforts but just strive to put in as much effort as we can..

Anyways halfway through the movie, my pri/sec/jc best friend pretty kes sms-ed me and so I went down to her house to stayover for the night..ok let me tell you, this is really shocking for her because throughout our school life, i never ever was able to stayover at my friend's place so freely as I am able to now..in fact, me and her tried coming up with all sorts of lies and excuses just so that I can stay over at her place, but we failed like 99% of the time lol..had a superb time catching up over macdonald's delivery and as usual, kes forced me to watch shutter with her!! HOW EVIL LA! always want to force me to watch horror movie, yucks!

We talked about many things late into the night..and see kes, I've improved greatly ok!! nowadays I sleep later le!! u cannot laugh at me for sleeping early anymore!! Talked about our silly times in school, reminiscing about our friends and all the stupid things we did when we were young..honestly, how come we can do so many stupid things ah?! AHHH..

Actually Kes, if you are reading this, I dunno whether I really told you this before..but I'm really thankful for you in my life :) We've known each other for how long, hmmm, 16 years?! omyyyy that's so long!! 16 years we've known each other, and you have seen the really horrible side of me..the petty, xiao jie pi qi, prideful me haha..and each time we had some stupid quarrel, you will forgive me after I apologize and we will continue being the best of friends :) It's not till now, when I've gone through some other friendships that I appreciate the depth of our friendship, and I'm so thankful that we can be such good friends through so so many tests and trials :D God has been faithful to both you and me..and through so many years, He has protected us so that we never really lost contact..Rmb, God loves you no matter what!! Come back to church soon ok! This Sunday rite, you promised me hahaha..

Saturday was the day I hung out with Princess Zing as she got me tickets to the Singapore E Awards at the Marina floating platform thing..man it was so humid!! but I got to see Xiao Zhu!!! Thank you so much!! I'm a new found fan of Ang Mo Pai..Eric the guitarist is freaking cool..seriously, I'm that much more motivated to learn the guitar now haha..had a long talk with Zing after the event and I'm still waiting for our milkshake date!

Sunday was service day, and it was also the day when Elise, me, Zul, Gerald, Jon Lee and Hendra proceeded to Botanic Gardens after service instead of boring old Meridian! We didn't know they had some concert that day so it was preety crowded! No place for us to play frisbee! And we only had one pathetically small ground sheet where we all tried in vain to squeeze into..and also!! Hendra introduced a new way of eating chips to me! You dip the chips into, guess what, PREGO sauce!! YES!! oh man, its really nice!! I didn't know that you could make Prego into a dip! I'm so definitely going to try this next time :D Had to leave early for family dinner with family..but according to facebook, the remnants took loads of spastic pictures haha!

that sums up my fantabulous weekend! I got some nice pointers from a book I'm currently reading..will post that up in the next one..

Till then..continue loving God and continue adoring me!

Criteria changed

I bought Lola from Jon Lee yest! and she's giving me the pains on the very first day! what a spunky lady!

Apart from this, I have a lot of things to blog about but now because my brain's too fried to to put into words my really fantastic weekend. But, I have decided to dedicate every monday as a going-home-after-work day because my weekends really burn me out and I need at least a monday to recuperate..not so young as before already, crap!

Another thing, Xiao Zhu Luo Zhi Xiang is freaking hilarious!! He makes me laugh constantly!! Go check out all his funny antics on Youtube, that guy is crazy! Which leads me to my next thought, its ok if my future boyfriend is not that good looking, he just have to be able to make me laugh :D

And?

Ah man, sometimes waiting is such a terribly hard thing to do.

Not having an answer leaves me stuck on what I should do next.

Can I have my answer soon please?

Light up your day!

This is what happens when you try deferring from Ops Manning in Singapore. Everything in this letter was required if not you cannot defer at all. HAHA hilarious!

Dear Sir,

I would like to seek excuse from the upcoming mobilization exercise as I have booked tickets and accommodation for an overseas trip during the period.

I understand that I was given a notification on the ops manning period last year but due to my carelessness and forgetfulness, I made arrangements to go overseas during this period.

I will be heading for Bali from 24 March 2009 to 30 March 2009 with my girlfriend in celebration of our 5 years anniversary and all tickets and accommodation have already been paid for.

Hence, I sincerely seek your kind understanding on this matter.

I also promise to check all future ops manning period before making any future overseas arrangements to prevent any recurrences of such nature.

Warmest Regards,
Paganes

The Best Things In Life

Beef noodles at Food Republic - $4.20
Ice Cream from the man along Orchard Road - $1.00

Time spent with Best Friend walking from Wisma to Plaza Sing - Priceless :)

Hang On

"This is only a very small thing. A very, very small thing."

The one thing Mr Lee said to me that has kept me going on day after day.

Thank you God for your reminder :) See Mr Lee, another post for you leh.

My Love Song

Nobody knows who I really am
I never felt this empty before
And if I ever need someone to come along
Who's gonna comfort me and keep me strong

Nobody knows who I really am
Maybe they just don't give a damn
But if I ever need someone to come along
I know you would follow me and keep me strong

And everytime I see your face
The oceans heave up to my heart
You make me wanna strain at the oars
And soon I can see the shore

I want you to know who I really am
I never thought I'd feel this way towards you
And if you ever need someone to come along
I will follow you, and keep you strong

Dear Lord, I love you :)

Nice Song

This song is nice!! Although the lyrics are super simple..

A Thought

I think, the word "Church Politics" is an oxymoron.

Just Humans

Sometimes we tend to forget that we are living in a world infested with human kind, and that at the very fundamental of it all, we are all just human beings.

No matter our gender, our skin colour, our hair length, our language, our country, our culture, our rules, our preferences, our hobbies, our likings, our thoughts, our speech etc etc..at the bottom of it all, we are all just human beings..

Carnial beings with selfish desires.

You can't deny that even the most saint-est of human beings have had at least one selfish thought in their entire lifetime.. And most of the time what we believe to be true, and what we communicate seemingly as facts to other ppl, are actually just opinions that we have formed by our thinkings..and even at the point of confession, you be honest to yourself and you will admit that everyone will, consciously or subconsciously, try to spill out details that are somewhat bias and in their favour..so that we wun look that bad..

A human being myself, I have my own preferences and opinions, and I am going to blog about some of these here..so, its against no one, just things that have been going through my mind recently..

It irks me extensively when I hear ppl say stuff like, "HOW can such a thing happen in church?" or "HOW COME the people in church can hurt me like this? Aren't we all christians? HOW CAN they do this to me?" or "HOW can God allow such a thing to happen to His church?!"..

I dun understand this at all..why cant bad things happen in the church? the church consist of normal, everyday people..maybe we talk better, we look better or we may even appear better than others..but, we are all just people..its like you expect the church elders, the church pastor, the church leaders and even the church members to be saints or something, rather than just normal people who are striving just as hard as you, or maybe even harder, to live their lives according to God's Word..Dude, we all fail. Period..The you in this instance refers to no one, its just a noun used in place to make the sentence more coherent..

Actually, shouldn't we be happy that such bad things happen to us in the church? because the church is where God is..yes we all fail, but now the difference is that we failed in church..in a place where grace can be nurtured, the people have consciousness to actually repent and ask for forgiveness..rather than just like.."ok i hurt you, sorry. deal with it"..that's what's going on in the outside world..in the church is where ppl fail us, but yet we have a mediator (God) and an environement of grace and mercy which allows us to pick ourselves up and try again..

And, it really saddens me when I see really strong opposition to the leaders and systems that are in place in church..its not like I dun understand both sides of the story..but once again, come on, we are all just human beings..why, why! why do we let petty differences, stubborn natures, pride, unwillingess to listen or to change hinder the progression of the kingdom?..why are we fighting among ourselves instead of the uniting to fight against the devil?..satan just sows a bit of discord in the church and retires to his armchair..we are the ones who will escalate the situation into a war and end up destroying ourselves..why are we doing this?..can't both sides just compromise a bit and move on? it doesnt matter when we fail, we just try a different method..why fight over methods when our motives are the same?

Its stupid.

People come and tell me..but what if the leaders are too stubborn to listen? what if they just cling onto their ideas and dun wana change?..im not speaking up for the leaders here..but i understand that they are just humans! yes, they need to grow too..yes, they might to change too..yes, they might need to learn to listen more..but why look at the speck in your brother's eye when you have a log in urs?..are we communicating our point across properly and with respect?..does our tone of voice bring about a tinge of disrespect?..have we tried putting ourselves in our leaders' shoes?..are we demanding a change or sincerely giving our feedback on how we tink things can turn out better?..

It's not the object/subject of discussion that saddens me..it's the way both sides (leaders and members) choose their attitude and tone of discussion that i think is not right..when both sides dun wana really listen, dun wana compromise, and just want to stick to their own views..that's when it saddens me..

We all live for one kingdom! Why must we insist on being divided in our very own house?

One more thing..it surprises me how we expect grace and forgiveness from the higher level when we screw up, but cannot give grace and forgiveness when the leaders screw up..it doesnt make sense..its a contradiction that puzzles me no end..

We expect things that we have trouble giving..what makes you think that the leaders don't struggle with such issues as well?

In the end, we are all just humans. Can't we just move forward together?

God, we need your help.

A Huge Joke

At the cross, I remember that for me to expect to receive ultimate forgiveness purchased at the ultimate price from heaven yet withhold it from someone who has hurt me, is the ultimate contradiction.

- John Ortberg, When The Game Is Over, It All Goes Back In The Box

I like this.