once again

i told you not to do it..i told u it makes mi irritated..i told u it was irresponsible..i told u it made mi angry..dun u ever learn!?..dun u ever get it?..y do i even bother with u anymore?..it juz makes mi angry and sad and hurt..

lets be strangers..things would go back to the way it was..yeah it hurts..but it works..

i was quite happy doing wat i did today..the thought that u might feel something made mi relish how wat i did might haf done to you..

none of the above makes sense..dun read..

waiting

waiting for the guys to finish so that i can dota..so i shall blog now..

service tml and i juz cant wait!!..its an every sat thing..and im loving every sat..no matter how tired i feel at the end..god's love and the company of great frens make up for everything..

watched the wild today..RETARDED SPASTIC SHOW THAT IS TOTALLY NOT WORTH IT..on other words..dun watch..

hmm nothing much to say..im thankful that today was a rest day for mi..with the whole of this week in a rush to finish my worldview paper..i made up for all the sleep yest..slept from 12 to 12 this morning..i rock..hahah..

done

i haf completed my worldview paper!!!!!!!!!..fantastic!!..i breathe a sigh of BIG relief..thanks to this paper i haf super dark eye rings now and i wan to go sleep soon..want to blog abt caregroup today..i tink it was simply fantastic..kudos to all who came!!..esp the new ppl such as yvonne fungmin jonathan ryan and robert..and i haven seen leon in cg for damn long too!!!..was really glad to see him today..and all the best for ur finals tml leon!!..and simon too!!..simon is really funny..

anyways all below is for llamma cheung cos im super happy with today's cg and i shall give u an account of wat happened..anyways llamma, caregroup started at like 545 and ended at 730!!..ON TIME!!..
___________________________
games: by taylen
we played this intellectual card game which when taylen first explained, we were all blur cos we haf zero idea wat he was toking about..so we juz played..its something like u haf 5 cards in front of u and u can only see the 2 outer cards..and the whole purpose of the game was to make all ur cards as small as possible..i dun tink u understand wat im saying also so nvm..

pnw: by xiangyu and simon
simon is a great guitarist..i tink his playing speaks for him la so i dun need to say much..2 songs today..free and still..great worship i tink by xiangyu..it was a moment for all of us to really be still..i liked it..

testimony: eugene
geneie rocks cos i got him to do testimony again last min but he was really willing!!:)..as i told u over the fone, a lot of nice and simple testimonies were shared today and i liked that..yvonne shared too!!..

sermon d: mi and tracy
i told u over the fone too..hilarious..seriously one of the most fun sermon d ever..

i tink today was a memorable cg!!!..great!!..but seriously, its kinda inflexible so i hope to do the plan that we toked abt real soon..wish u could come cg too..
___________________________
i laughed till my stomach ached today..everyone was laughing so much today..even ppl whom dun usually laugh so much!!..shows how fun today was!!..and the best thing..i got refreshed after cg!!!..i got refreshed!!!..i consider that a great achievement already..future cg shld always be like that..ppl shld be refreshed..

its amazing how human beings tend to fret over stuff and worry even tho we all know that nothing can be acheived by worrying..and when we finally get to the matter..god makes everything work out a-ok..and u realise, that actually, u didnt haf to worry so much in the first place..once again, simple faith takes u on a rollar coaster with my wonderful god..i shld leave everything in ur mighty hands from now..even tho knowing myself, i will still tend to fret..but at least..u haf nvr failed mi yet:)..i can totally put my trust in you..

i haven managed to say this for a long time..but now..
I LOVE MY CAREGROUP!!
central b..my privilege, my passion, my honour, my joy, my love, my life..
you peeps make mi smile..

funny conversation of the day:
ryan: hey anyone wans to go and eat dinner?
ppl: no......
tracy: sorry gotta go home and eat..
xiang: yeah, we are boring ppl..
eugene: yeah, we are hwa chong..

HAHAHAH..eugene is from ac and the rest are from hwa chong..

btw tracy..i had a fantastic time with u at serene macs..we shld tok more often..heh..

cheer up david hoe!

*u are gonna be ard soon*

almost done

im 4/5th into my paper and im almost done!!..hooray!!..only left the part on how to lead a fulfilling life and that is the easier part i guess..yk told mi 2 words..know god..hahah..which i completely agree and yet i haf to transformed those 2 words into words to fill 2 pages..the greatest sin of men, is to complicate matters in the world that are actually, so simple..

anyways shimmy is back from the hospital!!..i hope u are feeling better!!..pls ask ur daddy to take care of u better okays..oh i haf to put this up..my blog is as wordy as descrates!!..so read at ur own expense..

im really really really tired..my eyes are juz closing rite now..i dun haf enuf sleep..i sleep at an average of 5 hrs at most per night..yawns..

oh the DMW (daniel's mighty women) went out yesterday..it was a nice and fruitful time due to the modified game that i came up with..which im surprised tt we actually played cos it was a bit very very personal..but on a happier note..we know each other better..so that's good!!..took neoprints which winnie is gonna scan and i ll post them up soon..

and i went out with ADELINE KUAH yesterday..supposed to swim but in the end we were lazy and i was tired so we had another kind of exercise!!..which is to go walk ard in town!!..we really walk a lot..so that was counted as exercise too..lol who am i kidding..so anyways..she bought a foundation from M.A.C..buy from M.A.C..i love them..i fully support them..and i wan to do french manicure too..shld i shld i?..

my new philosophy

my new philosophy in life:

NEVER dota against wenjun, yaohui and immanuel (is that how u spell it)..
that is, unless i haf llamma and jarvin with mi..
other than that..no way..

the mind

lamentations..my current favourite word..im so frustrated with one thing..not my sheep, not my ministry, not church, not school, not my group..but with myself..my mind..

the brain is the most fundamental organ in the whole body..without it, u nothing more than a body..it lies there, protected by the piece of bone called the skull..but inside the brain..lies something else even more important than the brain itself..the mind..the dreaded mind..it has no limits, no boudaries..it can expand to accomodate the widest ends of the earth..it can shrink to even tinier than the fullstop at the end of this sentence..but, it nvr stops working..it nvr stops running..no matter how much u try to stop it, it never stops..it stores the various secrets that one has come across in life..in sturdy shelves it stores them..dates and labels them..it nvr throws any secrets away..it doesnt lose any memories along the way..some secrets haf lain there for a long time..covered with layers of dust..others are new ones..gleaming and shining with all their might before newer ones come and take their place..once in a while..the mind picks up a memory and reminds u of that..some makes mi smile to myself..others make tears well up in my eyes..once in a while..the devil comes in, chooses the most piercing secret..and reminds u of it..

i dun like the secret that my mind keeps reminding mi of now..it doesnt do mi any good..late in the night when all is silent..the mind reminds mi of it..taunts mi, mocks mi, challenges mi to do something abt something which i haf no control over..no matter how much i try to stop it..the mind refuses to..prob with the encouragement of the devil i guess..y this secret? y this memory?..y do i accumulate more piercing secrets everday to the one that already pierces so deep?..a sense of despair that leaves mi hollow..the name haunts mi late into the night..and i haf no peace..the tears of sorrow fills my eyes every night..y did this happen?..how do i get out of it?

dun worry for mi..i know god ll do something..in him, i put my trust..

on a sidenote..im having an extremely irritatable conversation with someone..becos i haf to use my brain..and i dun like to use my brain..who are we human beings to challenge god to something?..wat right does the clay haf to speak to the potter?..none..simple faith..tts all..

retarded essay

ok i know i said i wouldnt post..but read this..its damn funny!!!..taken from EMU's blog..her tuition kid's essay..funny funny..

Title: The fattest person ever

Early in the morning at 7am my alarm clock rang. I was shock that I fell from the bed to the fall I had egg and toast for my break fast my maid was doing for me when the bus was waiting under my block as I was late I hurried and ran up the bus when I went in, everybody started scolding me.

The bus arrive at my school then everyone stopped making fun of me or scolding me they Just ignore because when everyone alighted from the bus there stood the bully I and my friends were not scared to run away so we fight until the bully gave up and ran away but still I an my friend were Injured and one of my friend started to bleed.

When I with my friend was at the hall everyone started reading a book and did not say any word then after singing the national anthem. My Disapline master said the announcement.

When i went to my class the worst thing ever was a boy name Bla Blu. He was the Gangster. he was from Hawaii island the boy would chew on anything and of course eat it up "eew." what a retarded thing to do one day he eat so much that he smashes the whole school he even flew up high up the sky whe he pooped he died oooo what a miserable so thet was a story of the fattest person ever watch out for volume 1,2,3,4,56

2- the stupid shit
3- the talking drawer
4- the watch that will stick on us
5- the teachers are retarded
6- wee wee no school!!

wellz, ttz my student's excellent essay! no typo error! which rotten nehneh said i shudnt scream at him?!?!!?!!! he boils my blood every single damnit lesson! oh.... n check out essay 2, 3, 4 , 5, 6..... more to come!!! hhaaa! doesnt it sound familiar?

emu is the bestest bird ever..

beginning and the end

yest ended with dota with northeast ppl..today started with breakfast with great frens..wat more can a gurl ask for?

i like teaching ppl maths!

had an inspiring tok with gwen and dewen today..i tink its time i review somethings in my grp..

im gonna do my worldview paper from now till tml and i wan to finish it..so..there will not be so many posts from now till i finish it..pray for mi :)

*its nice to know that u are not ard*

pulse

pulse was fun!..had a hell of a time with xiang jiemin sandy claire and hannah..we were laughing like MAD!!..and we haf formed a groupie..no more other guys craze..its time for the simon craze!!..and im the bravest of the bravest..2 bucks for mi!!!..

simon marry mi!!!

fellow ul

hello fellow ul!..ever since u finally got the habit of reading blogs i know u come here often so that u can LINK TO OTHERS!!..so, u better thank mi for it..its friday and u r prob gonna read this today or tml or sunday..anyways u haf been a really good fren and i enjoyed our talk yest..i know u are feeling better..U BETTER FEEL BETTER!!..btw, ur sheep is starting to become like you..ask mi abt this..

so anyways..my new lifestyle plan failed miserably..i am determined to sleep by 12 every night and wake up by 9..9 hrs of sleep and i wun feel so lethargic as well as having to waste the entire morning by sleeping..and yest, i went to sleep at 12!!..but it was so hard!!..couldnt sleep at all and juz kept lying on my bed forcing myself to sleep..ended up sleeping tho and i woke up at 11.15..boo..first day of the new lifestyle isnt working out so well..but at least, its a step to changing that bad habit:)..

today ll be a nice day again..cos heemi is coming my hse at abt 130, im meeting cheryl at simply bread at 430 and im gonna watch simon's concert later..the only sad thing is that i may not haf the time to go out with xiangyu..and im really sad abt that..hmmm..maybe i can squeeze sometime in between..

update on studies..reading descartes now and i tink he is really really good..altho the words are so small and one sentence makes up a paragraph..but his ideas and theories are interesting..i feel intellectual while reading his book..hahah..gotta finish tt worldview paper..and i hope to finish it REAL soon..dun wana drag till nxt thursday or friday..den..i die..hmmm..i wonder if lulu is back..do u tink he got my dark purple birks?..hahha..

dan's coming svs tml!!..happy to see him..

my blog is becoming wordy..lets haf some pictures!!



central b 2 and 3..it has grown bigger!!..



damn shuai..



my fav band for all time..x japan..



kahlen is chio..y didnt she win?



she is chio..

samuel's bday

my unit ppl are a funny bunch..i like to hang out with them..was supposed to go to west coast park to play games today budden..it started to rain!!..heavily!!..so it was decided that we shld go eat dinner at lot 1 before going to my hse to slack..but because of the super far distance and the late timing..many ppl didnt turn up..of which im quite sad..but cheers to those who came..i appreciated that..

went to eat dinner first at the food court..and we celebrated samuel lee's bday there too..he was SUPER funny!!..kept wanting to cut the cake altho it was damn small..and his first wish was to cut the cake and 2nd was tat all shld eat his cake..hahhaha..

funny conversation of the day:

samuel: hey thank you thank you..lets cut the cake la..den we can share
us: dun need la!!..so small already juz eat by urself..
samuel: no no dunwan..lets share i go take knife..
us: dun need!!!..dun need!!
sandy: (damn exasperated-ly) aiya he only get to cut the cake once in a year let him cut la!!!

HAHAHAH..sandy rocks to the core..

den..we headed of to popular to get some stationary thing and i tot of getting the vcd king kong..was watching the preview of it outside laserflair with my west sheepmates and it was juz SO captiavting that we stood there for like 15 mins staring at the tv screen like idiots..there was a disgusting part where king kong tore the tongue off a t-rex and split its jaw open till it died..YUCKS..

decided to go my hse..but, i suddenly had a bad feeling that my mom would kill mi if i brought so many ppl wearing school uniform home..u see, my mom isnt keen on my church frens..becos, she would get into trouble with my dad..who doesnt like ppl, much less church ppl, to step into his sancutary as he believes that the hse shld be for family members only..so..to not risk mi aruging and having a cold war with my mom..who in turn might haf an arugment with my dad..we decided not to go to my hse instead..so, we landed up in macs playing stupid games and hanging out..

we played this game where each person has to write a question, den pass it to the right and answer the other person's question..after that we haf to read out our answer to our own question which would den sound totally retarded..

gameplay:

sandy: where does babies come from?
jiemin: -bleep out for the safety of someone-
jiemin: who is jinqi's crush?
xuanting: jiemin of course!
xuanting: who is yanshao's crush?

get the idea?..tt means we are doing it the opposite way..saying out the answer before the question..hahah..those who dun get it nvm..becos we know..and its damn funny rite heemi?!..

i seriously wan to go swimming tml again..

ohoh..thanks to david hoe, weisong, puay, daniel and tingting for the morning call..thanks a lot a lot!!

today

aiming to sleep at 12..which the time haf passed..so shall blog fast..

today was a fruitful day..

i swam 40 laps with dear and wenjun!!!..applause applause!!..it was raining when we went there so had to go wenjun's hse and wait for the rain to stop..i dun tink ive swam so much before and i feel super accomplished..and i tink my tan is getting darker!!..great!!..i like that..

learnt a bit more abt the draft for worldview paper..tink have to gotta start working on that long overdue paper soon..

drama meeting was scary cos i found out my role..but im excited!!..

meeting xiangyu was a blessing..tcc is a nice place to hang out..i love xiangyu!!

mark rocks..he agreed to lend mi his soccer ball for cg tml..thanks mark!!

ok sleep time..my new resolution is to sleep by 12 everyday..

shepherding

shepherding with eelee rocks my socks

half yearly

i tink i learn things half yearly..was reading my previous blog posts and realise that i went thru a similar testing that im currently going thru 6 mths ago in the month of sept - oct..i rmb when i came back to hope, i got my first sheep after 6 mths..struggled a while more before becoming a CL 6 mths later..it seems like i learn things in a 6 mths period..

the suckiest thing is that im going thru the SAME test doing the exact SAME thing, going thru the SAME emotions and the only different thing is that..the intensity of this testing has gone up a notch..xinyi says its bec there is reciprocation..and if i cruise thru this test like how i cruised thru the previous one..den the nxt test would be even harder..cos maybe initiation would den come in..

how long would it take before i would feel alright once again?..how long would it take before i set my heart and mind to not falling for the same thing?..i haf spent much of my time, emotions, tears, efforts looking out for this thing..maybe, once and for all..its time to stop relating to them..

hello world

hello world..msn is down and i feel so helpless..like, my source of connection with the peeps outside my hse has been taken away from mi..theres nothing that i can do online now..except blogging and reading blogs..

anyways i spent the morning doing qt..loved it a lot..juz came back from ulc with a hungry stomach..thanks to jiehui for sending mi home in 15 mins and hence i reached home exactly on my curfew time..btw theres an irritating ant running among my keyboard keys now and i hope i squashed it to death with all these typing bec i juz absolutely hate ants in my room..so i hope it dies..i learnt that im a choleric today!!..which is quite surprising..cos i always tot i was a sanguine..

so anyways today was a fruitful and productive day..met daixuan den went 2 stories down to meet sinyee..was supposed to haf dinner with her mark melvin david hoe and yk today but in the end, it was juz mi and her..went holland v to haf yu pian mifen!!!..YUMMY!!..i really miss hq..like really really really miss it..had a fun time with sinyee..toked abt some funny stuff lol..keep guessing!!..hahah..

funny conversation of the day:

bruce: xxx is very slow in replying. he's juz very phleg.
jiehui: my grandmother is very phleg too.
bruce: oh but you see, ur grandmother can afford to be phleg.

HAHAHHAH..

sunday

i was late for dmm..it was supposed to start at 9 and tts the time tt i woke up..i dunno y i couldnt wake up!!..llamma cheung morning call mi at 7 plus all the way till 9..jiehui also and i didnt wake up..i was really tired yest den..felt a bit sick so slept at 11pm too..tts was an EARLY time for mi..but am now refreshed!!..woke up at 11am which meant i slept 12 hrs!!..yeah!!..hahah..

did qt this morning and i learnt more stuff again!!..learning more things abt god everyday keeps mi happy..tho sometimes keeps mi confused for some days at an end..but when i get wat god is trying to say..tt makes mi happy..i still haven done my prayers abt the grp tho..shld get down to that real soon..sabbath day was supposed to be yest..but i didnt had time to do it..god provided mi with the monday morning to haf my sabbath..and i feel renewed and refreshed..

daixuan is flying off to italy for her choir competition today..everyone pls pray for a safe trip!!..and she can do wat she intends to do there..hahah..

anyways wana blog abt yest when i went down to jurong east library to tutor the west ppl..cos they were gonna haf mid yrs soon so they had some sort of study thing every sunday till after their exams..i was really overwhelmed by the atmosphere of love there..i mean, i see ppl like joyce and jency who dun haf to study..but they went down to make sure that their ppl study and do their assesements..i see tutors like ashley, lishan, daixuan, michelle and crystal taking the time to go all the way down to jurong library to tutor those who need help..and the ppl actually do their work..like they arent doing schoolwork, but assesements given by respective tutors..

i mean, wat in the world do they go down for?..y do they gather on a SUNDAY and study like this?..those who dun haf anything to study..y do they go down?..dun they haf anything better to do?..i ll tell u y..one word..COMMITMENT..tts rite..commitment to god and the grp is wat makes them go all the way down for these things..commitment to a promise of going down is y jiehui and i went there from ps even tho we were super tired and juz wanted to go home and sleep..and i dun regret tt decision..i experienced once again how god is so so so marvelous..its really amazing..im going there nxt sun too..

ppl say that im holy and my blog states nothing except abt god..but wat can i say?..god is my life..blogging is writing down abt life..come and experience god, and u ll see y i love my god so so so much..much more than anything in the world..i dun really need anyone else's love..tho sometimes i lament on not having bf etc etc..but, at the crux of it, i dun really need one..becos i haf my most wonderful god..and he is enuf for mi..

wana welcome the new brothers and sisters to the family of christ and hope..fungmin, yvonne, hanyun, jolyn and jonathan..im really really glad that u peeps are here..hope to know more of you!!..and i pray that u peeps continue walking on in this journey with god..and come to know him and how much he loves u..

food for thought..jiehui and i were toking on the way down to jurong library..he asked mi..

u know how best frens are?..when u say, wow so and so knows mi so well that i can finish her sentence for her and she can for mine!!..and she knows wat i love to eat and i also know abt her..we are the closest frens ever..can we say that abt god?..im so close to my god!!..i can finish his sentence for him..i know wat he likes!!..i know wat he is going to say nxt..mi and him are the closest frens ever!!..can you say that?..i wan to say that..i wana grow to tt stage..

take it all

Searching the world
The lost will be found
In freedom we live
As one we cry out
You carried the cross
You died and rose again
My God
I'll only ever give my all

You sent your son
From heaven to earth
You delivered us all
It's eternally heard
I searched for truth
And all i found is You
My God
I'll only ever give my all

Jesus we're living for Your Name
We'll never be ashamed of You
Our praise and all we are today
Take take take it all
Take take take it all

Running to the One
Who heals the blind
Following the shining light
In your hands
The power to save the world
My life

easter

we got 6 converts today!!!..hallelujah..god is really really really good..he is FAITHFUL..im starting to realise that i dun understand how he works..all i can do is to put my absolute complete trust in him..and he ll do something..

im glad that hope is able to preach the message out to ppl successfully..cos this is all wat christianity is abt rite?..to share abt god's love..and i really do wan to share!!..bec argh i dunno!!..god is juz great..and wonderful and fantastic..

god never shortchanges us

so..we went thai express to celebrate claire's bday today..and it was kinda like confession day..everything started to come out..things that were unsaid, burdens lifted, and a whole new bond of trust emerged..good frens are based on god and these are hard to come by..heh..

anyways i wana blog abt KOH WEISONG..he is DAMN FUNNY!!..my train ride back home with him was juz laughter laughter and more laughter..seriously the whole trip was juz laughter..my stomach hurt so bad and even the ppl in the train were laughing WITH us..den we started toking abt meetings..like how we felt the first time our shepherd ask us to go meeting..actually we are damn happy inside but outside muz act act a bit those kind..HAHAH..i laugh now juz tinking of it..damn funny!!!..i almost missed my stop again cos i was sleeping..gosh i really wan to go home with weisong more..

all in all..my day was a fantabulous one..the sermon spoke to many and touched hearts..worship was absolutely fantastic..god proved faithful..nice quality time was spent..and god sent ppl to make mi laugh..

god's timing has come..hwa chong grow grow grow!!..nj cj dun fret dun worry..i give u all one day to be disappointed or angry..after tt..come back..and lets start the journey again..hwa chong DUN SLACK!!..

happy birthday cliare

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLAIRE LUI!!

this is dedicated to my close fren claire..hmmm lemme recall how we met..my goodness i cant rmb!!..stm sucks..so anyways, we got closer and closer and closer..i also dunno how..its god's work i tell ya..den we starting sharing more..a lot a lot more..she helps mi and i help her..we can dun tok much for a period of time..but when we get together, there is no commnication break down..we come together like a river joining the sea..flowing and blending well..we get mad, haf fun, play pranks and do life together..i rmb, we always tok till real late at night..sharing abt life and our ups and downs..she's similar to mi..her probs are the same as mine..her testings are the same as mine..its only thru god that i got to know her..and for that, i thank god..

i love you gurl..enjoy ur special day..

argh

KOL SUCKS!!..he's useless..he cant do much except farm (i got 6k+)..his ulti is virtually useless..all he can do is run fast bec he's on a horse..and he's best at chakra-ing ppl..that's all..walking 100 gold..i shall nvr use him again..all i did was run ard the map trying to look useful..

i tink its hard to haf frenships with the opposite sex..we juz aint built on the same frequency..yes my blog name says it all..things change..maybe it was all an illusion that i built upon myself..maybe, its best to stay as frens..juz frens and not good frens..prove mi wrong..

choonmin told mi this..she said that if i was still unhappy..she would get mi a durain..so i asked her y durain..and she said cos altho it takes hard work to open the shell of the durain and u may get hurt and bleed..but once u open the shell..u ll get to taste the fruit that is nice and so worth the effort!!..and she said..its the same with probs rite..once u get over the hard part, u ll enjoy the nice part..she's rite..now u see y i wan to adpot her?..heh..

entertaining myself

its 8.43pm on good friday and can u believe that virtually NO ONE is online?!..my besties category says 0/3, central b category says 0/34, hope category says 9/30 and ALL are away, juz frens category says 8/28 and most are away and those who are not away i dun usually tok to them and ocu category says 3/15..and im like the only person at home and ACTIVELY online!!..wats happening to the world?!..or is it mi?..im home wayy too early i guess..crap its good friday and im at home!!..i shld be out there spreading god's love manz!!..except that my parents want mi home and now they are out of the house dunno doing wat..leaving mi and my trusty blog to keep mi company..i guess..i really shld go tok to god..cos he made everyone offline so that i would go tok to him..but i keep pushing him away..alright after this..i shall go spend quality time with my daddy..

oh wells..lemme blog down some interesting things that i haf learnt or found during the week..or interesting things that happened which i wan to thank god for..

1) hope bangkok brothers coming to visit my cg!!..they are really funny..they brighten up my day..and can u believe it?..one of them actually realised i was sick only after 2 days of toking!!..and like most of my other frens dun even know after toking to mi for days at an end!!..i felt so loved when he asked mi whether i was sick..it made mi feel that ppl actually do notice mi after all..

2) i realised that mark is a real funny person to tok to on msn..he's real witty..i like toking to him when im sad..but still, the only person who can really make mi take my mind off ALL problems and trouble is still my brother..guess, no one can beat him..after living with him for 18 years, he really knows mi best..

3) i met dan today!!..he gave mi this blossom badge becos mi elise and winnie are daniel's powerpuff gurls..spastic..but i dunno where to pin it up so..still tinking..i like my dmm a lot..a lot a lot a lot..

4) shepherded daixuan today and i tink that by itself..is a great blessing and joy..

5) i realise that i miss jiemin and xiangyu a lot a lot..i haven seen jiemin for 1 week and i feel so..weird..talked to her yest and i feel great joy..and she's getting mi my shirt!!..haha..i haven been toking much to xiangyu..was tinking of my whole walk with her..and i tink god likes mi a lot becos he gave mi her..xiangyu is my greatest pillar of support in my whole journey from a CL to a UL..i know i can get the most honest feedback from her..i pray that god takes care of her..heh..

6) i tink that god has really changed mi..becos now that fills my whole head is juz central b jc grp..i tink of nothing else except them..everything i do, things that im reading up on, books tt i buy..are all for them..since when haf i become so others-centred?..im not saying im perfect budden..my joy and grief is linked to the grp..if the ppl rejoices so do i..if they get discouraged or i find that they are not growing according to how they shld..i feel grief..i fret and worry for them..i set visions for them all..i see them doing so much more than they are..i get angry and dis-satisfied on their behalf when all their hardwork brings in naught..i tink and ponder on how i can help them get onto an exciting journey with god..i pray for god to help mi bring them closer to him..im becoming like a mother..*shocked gasp*..

7) im finding more abt myself..and how selfish i actually am..i tink so much of the grp..yet sometimes, i wan more time for myself..i wan to find enjoyment in ways that i know are wrong..i wan to do things that ll feed my carnial nature..i wan to satisfy wat the devil approves..yet something still pulls mi back..and im thankful that i listen to the holy spirit, tho sometimes grudgingly..i know sometimes i feel empty when obeying..yet i hang onto the fact that somehow someway, god ll reward mi with something so much more fulfilling than wat i can do myself..

8) if i could adopt anyone..i would adopt choonmin to be my little sister..and im serious abt that..

9) i figure out that i am really thankful to god about my class in mdis..guess it wasnt a punishment for not studying hard for my As..god juz gave mi something even better than a local uni..

10) some taxi drivers are really irritating..they tok a lot abt their lives, and who they ferry..and i found out that they all haf really cynical views on people and life..i tink they shld come to know god really soon..

11) i thank god for my fellow UL..and for samuel cheng..i hope u get a good rest samuel..and thanks for encouraging mi..

12) toking to ting ting today was a great blessing..i learnt abt street evax..i really wan to go try it out..im so so desperate..argh!!..

13) i realise that frens cannot be there 24/7..still, god is the only person who can do that..even my closest frens werent there for mi..i felt so lost in nexus today..the quietness enveloped mi..i realise that i had no where to go..even the most secure person has times of insecurity..i guess, god fills up every need within mi..he wans mi to go to him..

14) taylen says i haf high order tinking ability..haha this is new..cos i alwasy tot i was lazy..i shld go tink abt that soon..

15) i realise that..its diff to get out of sin..even at this point in time..i really wan things that shldnt change to change..

16) good frens like claire puay elise xinyi are hard to come by..how can one not trust in frens?..

17) i look up to my shepherd a lot..maybe, god does favour mi after all..

im supposed to feel better

i shld be happy today..cos a lot of things went well..firstly, it didnt go so bad when i met those hope bangkok brothers cos we didnt haf much communication barriers at all..tho their english wasnt good and i cant speak any thai at all but we managed to tok abt many things!!..they are really cute and funny and they are all musicians in their youth svs!!..and they played all day for us in cg..like how good is that?!..oh manz i really wan to learn the guitar..

secondly..sermon d went well..glad that i managed to prepare quite a bit..but the thing that i feel bad for is not having good time management..i let things drag on too long..and i let baiboon's sister wait for us at somerset mrt for damn long..of which im really really really sorry abt..i know how it feels to wait..it sucks so im REALLY sorry..manz..

furthermore heemi says she ll get mi the NICE green top!!!..that is enuf to make mi happy..heheh..

i shld be happy..BUT IM NOT!!..argh..i shld go sleep..

dota didnt make mi feel better..it didnt..

am toking to nicole now and she laughs like this.."hahahahhahahaha"..tts even more than david hoe's "wahhaha"..great, im evaluating ppl's laughter now..how boring can i get..

anyways..i juz wan to blog abt my cg later..i tink theres gonna be loads of ppl today and im a bit nervous yet excited at the same time..becos there are gonna be international delegates and a whole lot of new ppl including jiamin(s) and fungmin as well!!..and my dear lausanne and jiemin ll be late..and pls pray tt it ll rain HEAVILY from 3-5 pm ard cck area so that llamma cheung wun haf to do parade and den he can go for cg and i ll at least be more confident..

my cg is seriously getting larger..but im still not contended..its still a long long way from my goal..but one thing that i do know now (aft my conversation with mark yest)..is that i haf strong faith..and i ll believe that somehow, god is gonna make something happen..and anyways..god is good again..he made mi realise somethings going on in cg..and i haf to work hard!!..

i had sore throat, cough and flu..and now to add to that..i haf sore eyes..argh i need to take good care of my health..i hate phelgm..it gets stuck in ur throat and NEVER comes out..the bad thing is..im still wearing my contacts cos u know y?..i look ugly in my specs!!..

post

hey peeps..im getting lazy to blog again cos so many things happen in one day that it takes ages for mi to write everything down..ok lets see..complaints abt my blog

1) font too small
2) too lengthy

but..i dun care its my blog!!!!..LOL..im damn spastic..ok shall put classmates name real big so that they wun feel neglected..

ADELINE KUAH, LEE WENJUN

today was exercise day with classmates..mi and adel went swimming at queenstown swimming complex and guess who we met?..wenjun was there too!!..so we all swam together..i felt so un-accomplished cos i was sick and i felt tired after swimming a few laps!!..like wat the?!..i shld be able to swim more..wenjun said it was the sun..tts y i feel tired more..yeah, i tink he's right..muz be..cannot be i cant swim..lol..i realised that my tan is fading..and my skin is only starting to peel now..my skin is weird!!..wats wrong with it?!

after that..we went to eat sakae sushi student buffet AGAIN..but its nice!!..juz tt it burns quite a big hole in my pocket esp now since im BROKE..dear had a whole shopping list today and im preety sure we got rid of some of the sushi by walking along orchard road..oh let mi side track to wat happened yest..

yest, i went out with claire..and we went to zara..and i saw this nice yellow top that costs abt 35 bucks and its damn nice!!..but as i said, IM BROKE!!..(being broke sucks btw)..so i didnt get it in the end..later on msn that night..sweet claire told mi she can pay half price for mi!!..SQUEALS!!..thank you so much claire!!!..and anyways..i really like to talk to u..i can juz pour out my feelings to you..and yes, i do miss who i told u i miss..lol..i dunno y dun ask mi..the heart is deciving..but anyways..u rock..muacks..

back to topic..so..i went to zara with dear today again to check out the yellow top..dear said it was NICE!!..and den it struck mi..y am i getting another yellow top?..i shld be getting another colour..so i went to ask the lady whether there were any other colours..and guess wat!!..there is a NICE GREEN one too!!..so so so..i tried it..and it was NICE!!..so ive decided..i ll get tt instead..and M size too..cos it looks nicer..i love claire so much!!..heh..

so anyways..after zara we went to wisma to get adel's bf's stuff as well as..wat ah..i forgot..oh yeah!..her eye cream..the lady at the counter was so rude!!..like hello we are the buying customers here y are u serving others that wun buy anyway?..urgh..some ppl juz look down on students buying exp stuff..dun care la..den we headed to ps outfitter gurls and i got this new t-shirt that says "i like my guys like my cocoa: HOT"..haha..which in a certain way is true!!..and till so far..like got no one fit the criteria leh..OH YES..my hot guys entry..crap i put it away..tink i ll put it back on my blog now..the damn spastic and bimbo post..

got the cam from llamma cheung..gonna take loads of pics of the grp..and i feel so unproductive this week..like i didnt do much..argh..i muz put my life in order..for now..im gonna disturb my brother's dota game..

pictures

this is wat we do during cg..





this is at marc's hse party..







lazy to post anything else..juz pictures den..hahah..

ulc

i learnt so much from ulc yest..lesson was taught by jasmine called self-management and ministry management..many skills that i can apply to maximise my time and at the same time, able to achieve the maximum results..prioritising is something tt i muz learn to implement in my life..crap i really need to take some time to evaluate the whole book bit by bit..so many interesting facts and skills for mi to learn and apply..i hope laziness doesnt take over mi..

went out with the rest of the other youth ulc peeps aft tt for supper..we had great fun crapping and making fun of one another..he bian cao!!!..LOL..hilarious..meeting up with the rest of the jc leaders on sunday to come up with some ideas for jc grps..i cant wait..

elise came to my hse to stayover yest night..cos she had to go to some school in bukit panjang area at like 7 in the morning..madness..had a really fruitful time of hanging out with her..we talked and did qt together till abt 3am..den we gradually drifted off to sleep..before ulc i had some steamboat dinner with her too..really love her to bits..we talked abt many stuff, some of which were scary, some funny, some unbelievable..haha..i tink, god has blessed mi again..heh..

going out later with claire to do some shopping..better go get changed now..blog more later..byes..

a new blog

after daphne closed down her blog..ive been short of one more blog for entertainment purposes..its nice reading xiaxue and lolita's blog..tried finding other like..erm..damn i forgot the blog tt choonmin intro-ed mi..wasnt to my liking tho..

but now, i haf found another blog!!..its nice and personal and retarded..i like it..the life of 5 guys, all close frens..one with a simple black and green backgrd..haha..cheers guys..

alcoholic puke

fungmin came to svs yest..i was so glad to see her..its amazing how god brings back his children one by one..and jessica is sick..heemi shall we go visit her?..restlessness and apathy is deadly to everyone..i pray with my heart and soul, that we shall pull out of this soon..

key's meeting was personal again..i liked llamma's game..our grp was totally enjoying ourselves coming up with stupid words from the long word "experiencing easter"..spastic words that my grp came up with - sian, sia and superextrafragilistic..lol..and of course, we had to do forfeit which we didnt mind at all..having fun gains top priority in my life..haha..frenships tt i know are based on strong foundations, i can find in church..my shallow view of frenship has totally changed since coming to know god..

oh yeah haf to blog abt this..thanks to dan, angela and elise for buying mi shirts..i cant believe u all actually did that!!..i tot dan was juz kidding!..i feel super loved by u guys..my dmm rocks my socks..i love them to bits..

anyways i was super glad to see weizheng and hanyang in svs yest..these 2 guys haf been confined for 20 wks in ocs and i haven seen them for 2 weeks!!..hope they manage to successfully pull out those quail heads!!..all da best..yucks..

went marc's hse aft svs..lots of ppl went surprisingly..and gene was the bartender for the night..he kept mixing drinks that tasted weird..maybe it was the alcohol..it was old indeed..played many spastic games such as truth or dare (my fav), i haf never, murderer(again) and blind mice..outings with the class always end up with us doing brainless things and laughing at the stupidest things..haf to get the pics from lulu soon..and u can see wat we did..

went science centre today with mom and sis..and i had mac's breakfast again!!..i LOVE mac's breakfast..

ok i juz realised this is quite a shallow and brainless post..maybe, im too tired to do any deep tinkings today..

juz to add..i like my conversation with lausanne yest..

faithful readers?

heemi juz told mi that i haf a lot of faithful readers to my blog..which is surprising..so..i shall post something since ive been neglecting my blog for the past few days..

watched ice age 2 today with my sis..its damn funny..i love animation shows..but the first show is still better of course..more heart-warming den the 2nd one..go watch it!!

yes lemme blog abt today..when i had to wake up at 545 to go esplanade to work..madness upon madness..but luckily all i had to do was to be a station master with lulu..and my job was worse than his..standing at the bottom of the escalator guarding kids from not running out seems like a good way to earn money..and it is!!..if u arent those kind who muz walk ard and do things one..juz stay there and earn money..and thankfully for mi, im those kind of person..all who knows mi knows how much i love to slack..i can sit down at a place from morning till night with great company and waste the day away..tts my ideal life..but as children of god..too bad this aint possible..haha..but im not complaining tho..if i cant haf a complete slacker's life, den i'd rather haf the other extreme..a life lined with adventures and fun..i dun wan anything in between..den i wouldnt be living my life at all..i ll juz be cruising..

now some might ask mi..wats the diff btw cruising and slacking?..of course theres a diff!!..ok lets tok abt slacking first..this is my other ideal life..when u slack, u still haf a purpose..that is to enjoy life to the fullest by doing absolutely nothing..which i like..as i said before..i tink god blessed mi with a good brain, but..sadly..i dun like to use it..brain work is not for mi..but yet i know tt if i put my mind to doing something, i can get great things done..when i slack, i go to a place, sit down and juz relax and tok..this means that u are still building close relationships..cos in order to do so, u need to spend loads of time with the other parties..and slacking gives u all the time in the world to do so..

but on the other hand..when u are cruising..u haf absolutely no purpose in life at all!..u cant decide whether u wan to be hot or cold..so one min u might decide to be cold and start to slack a bit..the nxt min u might tink otherwise and be hot and try to work out some energy..u aint having any purpose..u dun even know which direction u are heading to..theres no lighthouse in ur life..u wun even know if u are heading for the rocks or the open sea..u are life a driftwood that follows the current..no life, no purpose, no future, nothing, nada..

nah i dun wana cruise..either i slack or i work hard..at the very least, my life still has a purpose..but god says we musnt slack..or we would be lazy and wicked servents of his..so for now, i ll be working hard..and i know my brothers and sisters are working hard too..they are the ones whom encourage mi to still continue in this marathon..bec i know that im not the only one having a purpose in life and living life to the fullest..and it doesnt matter if i meet setbacks or i fall..bec only after i experience setbacks do i understand success..success is so much sweeter if u haf failed before..if u are successful in everything, den life wouldnt be interesting for u anymore would it?..and u wouldnt work ur guts out anymore since everything is a-ok for u..so if u see mi slacking one day, u would know that im no more in church..haha..

but, tt would nvr happen..bcos those who haf experienced god's goodness and faithfulness and decides to ignore god still..are juz plain stupid..

im glad im in hope..tho some may say we are too hiong or we dun relax or we are legalistic or watever..stop complaining man..it gets irritating after a while..if u are close to god, u ll understand the visions of hope..read the word, im sure u can see that my church, is one tt follows so closely to the bible..hope is the place that helped mi to understand that god is real..and tt alone for mi, is enuf..

the power of satan

i can literally feel a test from god coming..i can see the signs and symptoms..i can feel god somehow withdrawing little by little from mi..he's releasing my hand once again and teaching mi how to live a much more fulfilling life..like a dad teaching his 3 yr old child how to swim..the dad would release the child's hand and watch him struggle..but he is nvr far away, prepared to hold onto the child again if necessary..i was juz telling dan the other day tt i hope god let mi walk with him so close to mi for a little while longer before he tests mi..but now, 2 days later..god has decided that im ready for another trial..hahah..ok shall look at this in a positive light..god favours mi..heh..

an incident happened recently that made mi realise how much ive grown in god..hmmm how do i put it..ok like imagine u receive some super bad news where u know that u cant change anything cos u cant do anything..and all u can do is to somehow juz pray and hope things ll turn out better..and always cos u know tt if u do something the situation might turn out worse instead?..yeah something like tt..i expected myself to be really really sad and worried..wondering wat shld i do..whether shld i do something a not..and trying to control myself from asking how and why and hows it going..finding as much abt the situation as possible..but wat really surprised mi..is how i felt after i heard such a news..of course i felt sad and worried..yet, somehow i knew that god is in control..and i juz felt..peace, and weirdly joy..like god telling mi that somehow or rather..he has filled up all the holes in my heart..tt even if the worse things happen..with him, it will still be alright..He is the most impt person in my life..and the whole world can disappear, can oppose mi or condemn mi..but with my god, i ll still be happy..becos ive got the creator of heaven by my side..everything ll be a-ok..

some things may be out of ur control, but all things are within my control.

this was wat god told mi last yr..and everything within mi calmed down juz because of this sentence..my god is the most wonderful god..would u come to know him?..

do not let mi slack

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JIEMIN!!

i haf a nagging suspicion that my inner being is starting to slack after the end of passion..which i so do not want to happen..it takes considerable amount of effort to remind myself each day to continue praying and evax-ing with the tot of god and not of myself or the church in mind..doing things without knowing y is the most dangerous scenario that can ever happen in any christian's life..cos den we ll lose sight of our values..and slowly, our body ll tire and our souls start to slack..if u tink abt it, 60 more years of life with god proves to be very demanding and intimidating indeed..

but thankfully, i know why..at least for now till the near future, i know i ll keep god in my sight..its hard to tok abt 10 20 years or so..i do haf my dreams, my visions and my goals..and these pull mi back to god even tho sometimes i juz wana give it all up..but the future is so unpredictable..all i can do..no, all that i can hope for..is that god's favour would nvr depart from mi..i dun wana end up like ppl who haf once got the fire, understood it, but after awhile..get so tired that the flame within them was extinguished..i rather my flame be flickering, on the edge of dying but still burning with wat little will it has..bringing upon myself all sorts of hurt and pain..den to haf the passion completely dead..becos den..i ll juz be an empty shell..preety on the surface, but nothing on the inside..

wat is life without joy, pain, fear, excitement, anxiety?..wat is life with the facade of love?..wat is life without the fear of rejection?..wat is life without advanture?..wat is life without god?..

scenario:

imagine walking along the streets and u come upon a tortise on the traffic light..wats the first tot that comes to your mind?..who the heck would put tt tortise on the traffic light rite?!..the tortise couldnt haf climbed up onto that spot..it goes the same for us..how did we end up with our position in god?..he put us there, we couldnt haf done it by ourselves..treasure watever u haf..

back from ctm

funny question heard from a taxi driver

"do u wan to go by the shorter way or the faster way?"erm, isnt the shorter way also the faster way?..so tt means if i go by the faster way i would haf to pay more money?..weird..

anyways..ctm encouraged mi a lot..wait i learnt something today..lemme check my notes..here got it..the more you wan to serve god, the more the challenges u would face..and i really really wan to serve god..i wan to grow the central jc grp..give mi 100 men who yearns nothing, wans nothing and desires nothing else but to serve the lord..and i ll win the world..same for mi..i haf 3 committed disciples with mi..and im gonna win the schools..hc nj cj, the first schools that i ll work on..after tt it ll be ac..and den im gonna go street evax and bring in ppl from pj..and after tt is established..im gonna work on rj..when ive got these 6 schools..im moving on to jj..and i would not rest till tt vision is accomplised..central schools watch out..jesus' army is coming..jc grp cant grow?..BULLSHIT..dun u dare tell that to mi in the face..becos god ll strike u so if u say that..

rain upon mi my lord and god..ensure that i always rmb that all that im doing, is soley for you..always bring mi back to you..that ur love, is wat im slogging my life out for..and..its worth it..

played dota today with dan freedy alvin weilun and ruiyong today..dan rawwkkeedd today..its his most fulfilling dota match ever..played 2 games and we won both..alvin was getting real pissed at mi..scary..

it didnt pass us by

the end of the passion mth, the start of a new life..we didnt hit the goal of 750 cos god wanted us to wait somemore..central didnt hit 216 cos god said wait..WAIT..a test of patience and a test of faith..if things were tt easy, den it wouldnt be god's work at all rite..i cant say i wasnt disappointed, i cant say i wasnt demoralised, i cant say i wasnt angry and i cant say i didnt shed any tears..but wat i got back from the meeting, was a fervent, desperate and defiant spirit that ll changed the whole of my spiritual walk with my big, funny and powerful old god..

but one thing that i learnt from this mth, is to be able to differentiate those who are with mi and those who are not..time waits for no man..god's kingdom waits for no man too..im gonna be riding on this wave..ive waited a mth to get ppl to come on board..i know my wineskin..if u wan to continue slacking..no problem, juz dun get in my way and everything ll be exactly the same for u..

if u see something tt u value, u ll work ur butts off for it..my job here as a CL/UL..is to make u see the value of it..if u do, welcome aboard..if u dun, i ll try my best to help u see..but take this in mind my sheep(s), disciples and people..i dun haf time to wait for all of you..if i dedicate my time to making each of you see the value, and making sure that u do see it..den im missing out on the essence of god..which is the adredline rush, excitement and fear of spreading god's love..and no, i ll not miss that for any human being on earth..a hard truth, but get tt in mind..

im all out for god!!..all all all out for god..street evax, intensive sow..doing a TAMAR (hopefully)..i will do it..enuf of telling u y numbers dun matter..go back to the crux of the issue!!..y dun numbers matter?!..who cares?!..care abt how god loves people!!..becos god loves ppl, and hence so do i..i dun care abt numbers..who gives a damn?..if u focus too much on this issue..den u are looking at the wrong thing man..lemme slap u outta it..i haf no more time to explain..

shoutouts time..

xiang
yes im angry!..and u are angry..we are all angry at satan..no more stagnancy, no more waiting..juz all out for god..i can see how much u are doing, ur efforts in this..how ur life has changed..how u affect ur sheep..and continue doing so..becos if god is for us, WHO can be against us?!..wats there to be afraid of?..nothing, becos we haf big o mighty god..

daixuan
thanks for being so open to mi..god ll honour those who honour him, haf him constantly in their hearts and those who work hard for him..you do all of that..and god never ever shortchanges anyone..he juz like to do this, make people wait..which i admit, yes its quite irritating..but irritating and waiting pushes u to desperation..and when u haf desperation, den comes the realisation that human efforts are nothing..and den the hard truth comes, haf total dependence on god..

jiemin
i tink u work in the same way as mi..and i know u haf gotten thru the discouraged and dermoralised period..and ur passion for ur grp is renewed..i love ur never say die spirit, something which i wan too..never say die..not even in the face of death..argh god!!..when ll the fruits come?..its coming its coming..rite heemi?..haha..

argh ctm starting!!..gonna be late..ok more tonight..