keep ur promises

i tink that when u make a promise u shld make the effort to keep it..and wats worse, u shldnt back out of that promise at the very last min leaving a mess and letting others come up with a last min plan..becos 1) u disappoint the other party, even more so if the other party was very much looking forward to it and 2) i guess ppl in general shld be responsible for their words..

hey claire babe..thanks so much for ur tags..i shall dedicate the rest of the msg to you cos i feel super touched..i tink god really blessed mi with you..i still dun understand how we manage to click so well..and tho we dun tok much but u are always there for mi when im down..some ppl might not understand how i feel but u try to be ard when im sad..i know im not a person who easily shares abt myself and i thank god for how u always persevere even when i dun feel like saying anything..and also im not a person who really takes initiative to date ppl out and u are the jonathan in our frenship..u are always the one who asks mi out and i appreciate that a lot..i know u haf big dreams for god and u ll reach there with effort and time..i really thank god for you..love you a lot a lot :D

a learning process

SLAP SLAP SLAP..STAB STAB STAB..KICK KICK KICK..SMASH SMASH SMASH..SQUASH SQUASH SQUASH..MUHAHHHAH DIE DIE!!!!..

pardon mi but thats the scenario thats going on thru my mind..something that i ll LOVE to do rite now..and with a gleeful smirk on my face as well..DIE HUMAN DIE!!..

i juz got a wonderful theroy as i was getting angry..now if u see other ppl as other ppl, u wun tink much of them rite..cos after all, they are other ppl and hence they are DIFFERENT..but then now look at it this way..we are all creations and the creator is god..now, creations haf no rite to judge other creations because, well plainly, we are juz creations..we are all on par..the same level..no creation is much much better than any other creations..so no creation shld judge as well as no creation shld feel judged..fellow creations unite!!..

ok that was gibberish..due to mental stress from tinking too much into hoping that a particular scenario might become reality so that i can haf my carnal nature fulfilled..sometimes i tink that we are all juz pawns in god's chess game..he dictates where we shld go and wat we shld do..he moves us one square at a time, placing us as and where he likes it..and we haf no choice..we juz move according to wat we are told..

now if u tink of it like that..i guess life would be miserable and sad and like god is cruel and horrible and totally devoid of all human emotions..well lets look at it another way den..wat abt that chess board is a minefield..its like minesweeper u know taht game?..each square hides something beneath..we on top of the chess board dun know wats hidden beneath it..it may be a number, or maybe a blank..worse, it may be a mine..and if we step on it we would all juz explode and die..now lets push it one notch higher..tink of it as having like 150 mines..now u gotta move carefully, u dun wan to get bombed do u..u haf 1 out of 9 chances to choose..

well, we can try our luck..or maybe, we could ask the creator of the game..hey sire, which of these has mines hidden below..and the creator can tell u, cos he created it and he knows wat is underneath each square..and so he says, take a step to the left..and u take it, and u survive..hooray!!..now lets move on to the nxt square..

so if u see it that way, den god is quite good after all..he doesnt wan u to die..he wans u to live..and hence, he tells u exactly wat steps to take..lol..life is full of theories (or some ppl say it isnt theories but its my blog so i can say watever crap i wan and u haf absolutely no rite to say anything) and we wouldnt know wat is actually true..so u know wat..

shut up and juz do god's work

quitter

quit..this word's been in my mind for quite sometime..wat do u tink of when i tell u the word quit?

u might tink of being cowardly..cos that's wat most ppl do when they are scared or tired or unwilling to, they quit..or u might tink of leavers in a dota game..leavers SHLD BE KILLED..cos they screw up the whole game..and they leave cos they are losing..so the other word u might tink of is lose..cos quitters are losers and losers are quitters..maybe u might even tink of them as wimps..cos they take the easy way out..they dun wana try and so they quit..or maybe even of committing suicide..

but i tink of the word rest..i mean, u dunno wat those ppl are going thru rite..they might haf gone thru a lot..been thru ups and downs and situations that u wun know..and quitting might be the only way for them to rest..esp so if they find no more value in wat they are working for..and i tink of starting all over again..on a clean slate u know..dun need to be burdened with any worries..not having to care anymore for those who obviously dun wan ur care..

wouldnt it be nice..if i could juz live for myself?..maybe thats y ppl leave church and all..they quit..becos they wanted to rest..wouldnt it be nice..if i could do things that i liked with my time?..i could go out with all those sec sch frens whom i miss so much..i mean, im only 20 years old rite..i haf all the time in the world to do wat i want..im young, i can work, i can study, i can enjoy myself, haf fun..wouldnt it be nice..to do things all for myself with all the time i haf?..wouldnt it be nice?..

im tired.

mom's bday

its my mom's bday today but she's sick so all our plans of going out haf to be shelved..staying at home with nothing to do now..its quite horrible to be sick on ur bday..and my mom seems to be frequently more sick now..pray that she gets well soon ok..tinking whether i shld go out cos she did tell mi taht if i wanted to go out i could..but i tink that i shld juz stay at home and keep her company..

plus i know that i shld be doing my assignment..but, juz dun feel like doing..hahah feel like getting ppl to come over to my house so we can slack together..but whom shall i call?..hmmm..

ok going out for dinner with dan and elise later..we haven had our ulm for 2 weeks alr and i miss my caregroup :(:(:(..eelee bought mi the dumbo toy that i first saw at more than words with xiang..ITS SO CUTE!!..shall post pics of it soon..cos its juz TOO CUTE..love it love it..hahah..

i like yest a lot..teachings and sermons spoke to mi and i know that i haf to somehow change my way of life AGAIN..and thats the prob of toking to god u know..cos sometimes u know that ur actions are not good but somehow u juz enjoy doing it..maybe thats the carnal nature of human beings that satan holds hostage on..so when i tok to god, den i realise i gotta change..if not, i ll be more responsible..

like there was once where i recommanded case for christ to mr lee to read cos its a super good book i tink..and he said he didnt want to cos after reading these kinds of books he gotta change and he is comfortable with his lifestyle now..and i was tinking abt it..yeah if u read something that asks u to change and u know that there are only benefits of that change, and u also know that somehow ur awful conscience is like probing u to change and u DUN..den u are responsible for ur own self..however if u didnt read anything abt change at all..den u kinda like haf an excuse not to change..haha..

anyways i juz ate chicken pie and now my stomach feels so oily..lol..random yes i know..

shld go read bible now..to haf my daily bread..

caregroup

half an hour more before the guys arrive at my house for cg..feel like taking a nap cos i woke up so early to go for dental checkup this morning..didnt know that scaling and polishing could be so painful!!..even much more than filling in cavaties..40 bucks gone..

bought teens magazine on the way cos my dream husband, vanness was on the cover..oh gosh he is juz so so so handsome..i rmb the days in sec 4 when i would juz collect all his stuff, magazines cds songs photos etc etc..i mean, i even haf a portfolio of him which ive been keeping till now..

ok guys are coming alr!!..pray cg goes well later..haha..

lets haf a look at the hunks of ouran high school host club..hahah..



my absolute faves, hikaru and kaoru..the notorious twins whom are labelled as the devilish kind and they charm gurls off by balancing between being homos, and liking the same gurl at the same time..and they are so preety!!..



this is the club's president, tamaki suou..who's supposed to be the prince charming type..those sweep u off ur feet with candied words and stuff..hahah..BUT hikaru and kaoru still rocks..



honey and mori senpai who haf some secret connection between them..honey senpai is only like 148 cm tall? but he's alr 18 yrs old..and he caters to those pedophile ppl..and mori senpai is juz plain cool..actually it states him more as the wild type..ahah and he u shld see his body shape..wooot!!..



this is kyouya..vice-chairperson of the club..he's supposed to be those cool type but i tink cool deserves to go to mori senpai..and kyouya shld juz be those intellectual kind u know..he's a shrewed genius..

preety boys cant come to life :(((((..so sad....

life

ubber happening, my life..

i might complain, whine, bargain, sulk, haf self-pity or get angry..but i cant deny the fact that my life is so complete..all those are wrong attitudes by the way, so dun learn..actually i shldnt say dun learn cos somehow or rather i believe all human beings haf that exact same attitudes mi..so i shld say, pls unlearn them..

i love my life..i might not haf a 'happy' life according to wat many of my frens say..my life is tied to church, no boyfren, etc etc..oh well, i guess my definition for happy is different from yours then..because, im super happy..a complete, fulfilling, happy life..

maybe one day, u guys will understand wat i mean..how i pray, that maybe would become definately..

reading

currently reading a lot 2 books which are giving mi wonderful insights to questions i had never bothered to ask..they are mere christianity by mr cs lewis and case for faith by les something cos i forgot how to spell his name..i tink cs lewis is a genius..did i say that before?..hahha..sometimes i hate my puny little brain that forgets stuff so easily..i wan to absorb every single detail of both books and never forget them..to put them in my mind..like putting into a hard disk and able to retrieve at will..argh but my brain cant!!..and sad to say ive forgotten some things alr..so tink im gonna reread and reread..

classmates came over to do project today..SUPER FUNNY!!..laugh non-stop since starting of project to the end where we juz kinda hang ard in my house..my house is the next chilling out place man..emu ah, really no words to describe her except MAD BIRD!!..she came up with a new word all by herself, fu*kanoma..wat the kind of word is that!?!?..laugh till my stomach pain..

den had laughing fits again as we played xbox..first we played DOA and it was hilarious hearing emu cussing as she kept dying..kinda got sick of DOA after a while so we switched to halo..OMG DIDNT KNOW THAT IT WAS SO FUN..we got 4 ppl so juz nice..played this killing one another game with a whole lot of weapons ranging from a pistol to a rocket launcher..dang funny!..emu ah, our frags were like 27 23..even adel's one can be like 14 and guess wat emu got..ZERO!..big fat zero..HAHAHA..kept laughing at her la..den she got so pissed den she decided not to play anymore..hilarious hilarious..classmates are hilarious..esp when we all come together..give mi one afternoon with wenjun emu adel and lulu and i ll be satisfied..we will laugh till we slim down..cos we keep exercising our tummies..hahahahah..

went to meet daixuan after that and we ate at island creamery..felt so scrutinized by my lee and mee kuah at the side..cos the 3 of us wanted to go eat dinner together..i finally answered the questions that daixuan asked mi..whew..thats a load off my chest..glad to meet up with her and hearing abt the grp..haha..miss them a lot..

went off with the both of them to adam's road food centre to eat dinner..we kanna cheated..so ex and the food say not very nice..sian..dun go there and eat nxt time..i rather go newton lor..went home after that and read case for faith on the bus..seriously, there are so many answers to ridiculous questions that juz wow mi with how real god's presence is..and how much god loved the world..guess its good go to haf intellect but not when it clouds ur faith in god..i ll rather throw away intellect and trust god..wats the point of having brains but going to hell after u die?..kinda a useless exchange if u ask mi..

oh did i mention i met nicole at serene..knew i ll meet her there..lol..she's like always there..all the best for ur exams!!..and can we haf shepherding on fri?

grace amazing

till i see you face to face
and grace amazing takes me home
i ll trust in you

was reading jonah and it started off with god speaking to jonah to go to this city and preach against it..that if they didnt repent soon god ll destroy that whole city..and u know wat, jonah ran away!!!..i couldnt believe it when i read the bible..ok tink of u urself as jonah, ur running away from god was recorded in the best-selling book of all times and almost everyone would read of wat u haf done..im sure jonah muz haf felt pretty stupid..he even got onto a boat to sail away from god..god didnt relent but pursued him..and at last, jonah repented and asked to be thrown into the sea so that the ship can sail on peacefully..and then another thing happened..god sent a big fish to eat him..

if i were jonah, i would haf been scared out of my skin..imagine imagine..u are jonah, god caught up with you and you were thrown off a ship into the sea..while floating suddenly right beside u this gigantic fish appears and all u can see is it opening its mouth wide open to eat u up..whoa..scary man..so u stuck in the fish stomach for 3 days and 3 nights..and u arent dead!!..oh man..thats scary..

so in the end jonah went to preach against that city and they repented so god didnt destroy them like he said he would..and den jonah did another thing that puzzelled mi again..he grew angry at god's compassion..im like huh?..u got right to be angry meh?..so i asked key wat in the world was jonah tinking and he said that its cos the city that god sent jonah was super super evil..like the evil-est city of that time i tink..and they repent and juz like that god didnt destroy them..so jonah felt injust for god in a sense..but god taught him a lesson that he doesnt haf any say at all..the city was god's creation and god can do watever he wans to do to them..god said something that struck mi..

if u who didnt create the vine can be so concerned abt it, den how can i not be concerned abt that city that holds thousands of my creation?

so here i was reading with unbelief at jonah's actions when i realise with much shame that im like jonah too..sometimes when god calls mi to speak to some ppl or to do something..i ll run away..i ll not dare to say anything cos im scared..and god literally 'haunts' mi wherever i go..he juz keeps reminding mi that hey gurl, delayed obedience is no obedience at all..and sooner or later i ll be like..aiya god u win la..okok i ll do it..god never gives up chasing us to do things..cos he knows juz how much to give us to develop our character..so while laughing at jonah, i was laughing at myself..weird creature that i am..

and i realise that sometimes i do feel injust for god..like when some ppl do some incomprehensible thing that i juz cannot see why they can do such a thing when god has been so good to them..and i feel like..wah u can go die la seriously..god treats u so nice yet u can still do this to him..i feel so injust for god..i tell god, god juz give up..i shall choose another or something like that..well, god asked jonah, wat right to u haf to be angry..that's juz like god asking mi..wat right do i haf to tell him wat to do?..all are his creation..if im concerned, wouldnt jesus be 100000 times more concerned?..

things may be out of my control, but all things are within god's control..i shall choose not to worry..cos by worrying i cannot do anything and i might even do things that might make the situation worse..perfect trust god..becos he deserves it..

blessed

spending a day at home sleeping and juz resting isnt such a bad idea after all..wat with the rush throughout the week with shepherdings, meetings, schoolwork, chilling with frens, meeting ppl..if there isnt a day for human beings to rest den one day we ll juz run out..sometimes again, i wonder at the wisdom of god..to create such a thing as sleeping so that his creation can renew and recharge themselves physically..

went for ulm in the morning and came home immd..partly due to lack of sleep as well as mi going out too late yest and my mom once again said i treated my home like a hotel..the funny thing is, my mom went out today, again..so i haven seen her since morning..i haf one weird family..but im loving them..hahha..slept from like 1-6 and i feel refreshed..been watching re-runs of ouran to make mi laugh..lol..

im amazed at the divinity of god..sometimes when things haf come to a point where it seems like theres no way out, god always somehow manage to turn it ard and things ll go to aid mi in some aspect in which i really need..yest was no exception..i was at a dead end and i didnt know how in the world was i supposed to do something without mi being suspicious..and den the call came..and i knew right den, that god was in it with mi..he provided a way out..and tho i was still a bit panicky, i knew that i couldnt lose..with god by my side, how could i lose?..and things did went along to help mi..

key said that my spiritual walk with god is super exciting..i asked him why, and he said that its like i always haf these sort of divine experiences..where things seem to like haf reach a dead end and theres no way out and den somehow, god ll work things in his divine way and provide a way out to help mi..always in some strategic move that never fails to appear out of the blue and he haf no idea how some of these things are inter-linked but they juz pop out to help mi..and im ashamed to say, that i forgot most of these experiences..ungrateful child i am..so from now on, im gonna jot down all these divine experiences so that even if they slipped from my memory, i ll haf them on paper..

so i was tinking y is it that i haf these sort of experiences..maybe god knows that i need them..sometimes i do ask god to show himself to mi..to prove that he is real..all these times are when im down, or in doubt..and den i ll ask god to work a miracle so that i would know that he's real..he knows i need them..and he provides them for mi..this makes mi feel so special..so blessed as a child of his..i feel so loved, knowing that my big father up there never ever takes his sight off mi..he hears my prayers, and he is able to distinguish my wants from my needs..he knows when to answer my prayers according to wat i want, as well as not answering them in situations where he knows that if he does answer them to wat i want, that would juz be pampering mi..and i ll be spoilt..

im a blessed and loved child..i've never felt happier..thank you lord, and i love you..

ouran

the next episode of ouran is out!!!..yeah yeah yeah!!!..been waiting for so long man..its seriously one of the most retarded animes that ive ever watched..so retarded that i haf to watch episode after episode to see how spastic it can actually go..plus its been giving mi the laughs..so i dun mind..hahah..

wen to planetshakers concert tonight and i felt a bit cheated..cos it was only like 1 hr and 15 mins long..only 3 praise and 3 worship songs..kinda like attending a normal svs which u had to pay money for..but we got a goodie bag!!..lol and sandy was such a happy gurl playing with the streamers thing..and seriously, traveling all the way to expo is like flying from spore to antartica!!..SUPER LONG!!..weisong was again being his usual self..anyways juz trust god and smile always alright?..everything happens for a purpose..

am so looking forward to svs tml..haven been into nexus for 3 weeks cos of boring school..really really miss that place..its like eating that kimchi soup that u've been craving for the past few weeks..cant wait cant wait..breakthru is like 10 hrs away which means i haf to wake up in 8 hrs and that means i haf to go sleep soon..

im having rashes again..guess its time for my annual rash..i hate it!

hilarious fun

caregroup was hilarious today..lemme say it again..caregroup was HILARIOUS today!!..went to joshua's house at 1 and slacked till like 140..started off with games which lasted till 230..SO FUNNY!!..we only played some simple games but i dunno y it ended up so so so funny..everyone was rolling ard with laughter..literally..brings new meaning to rofl..cos u actually see it being done..guess thats wat happens when u put sec 1 and 2 guys together..haha..

everything went really well including testimony, worship and holy com..jeremiah is so funny!!..he gave a testimony and he thanked god for the good flushing system in singapore..LOLLLLL..oh man tinking of cg now juz makes mi laugh out like some idiot..and we surprised yk today cos it was his bday and he said he was surprised!!!..yes!! misson accomplished..hahah..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY YUNKAI!!

card is still with mi!!hahah..

-tinking of all the male hormones-

traits

waiting for ipod to charge finish..i was doing some tinking on the bus today and i tot of this sentence which i tink is quite helpful for mi - "what trait are u reflecting?"

cos rite, as human beings every action that we make reflects something..may reflect a good thing or a bad thing but it always reflect something..and these are the traits that ppl catch which they use to piece up their image of you..yeah its rite that as christians, we are not supposed to judge ppl but u do agree that when someone does an action, even for a split second there is an image formed in your mind..and if that action is consistent in the person's life then the image formed in ppl's minds would also be consistent..so we can conclude that every action does reflect something..

like for example, when u are tok to someone, u are already reflecting a number of things..u can reflect frenliness or being caring or loving etc..u might also reflect hostility or pride..by not toking to ppl, u can also reflect things such as being anti-social or arrogant or shy..both verbal and non-verbal actions reflect things..even doing nothing reflects something..maybe laziness or juz being heck-care..

so then as christians, jesus lives in us rite..so we are reflectors of jesus..hence i was juz tinking of actions that i make..do they reflect the traits of jesus?..am i showing ppl how jesus is like?..am i being patient, caring, proactive and not the opposite?..i mean, since we do wan to live for god den might as well reflect things of god rather than the devil rite..or else how are u gonna show ppl god's wonderful love working in you?

met xiang today at cine and she cut her hair..haha but i tink we shld haf went to pivot point instead..plus only 14.40!!..thats the place where i got my hair cut..went to eat dessert at tcc cos its 1 for 1 dessert period..so haf to eat all the dark devotion before the promotion is gone..hahaha..it was shopping for ppl day..saw quite a lot of cute stuff at cine..esp this dumbo toy!!..SUPER CUTE!!..

met eesiew and chatted with her for abt 40 mins..really miss the old times where we always hung out together..oh well i shall ask my mom abt the stayover soon..see whether can a not..we can all go to ur house and watch vcd while piling on fats by eating tidbits..as usual..since when do we not eat tidbits?!..lol..

koped these from dear's blog..



this is the one and only professor whom i do like so far..she's ultra funny and makes the class not boring..taken with my grp called jack in the box..guess who's jack?..lol..our team rocks!all the late night efforts paid off..



i cut my hair..tho in the pic cant really see..but its way shorter now at the back, and the fringe too..and i still said i wanted to keep long hair..pffff..

ouran hasnt come out yet and im super sad..tink i shall ask my bro to dl episode 18..cant wait for youtube to hurry up and get part 1 on!..

on the mrt

on the way back home on the mrt, i saw a super disgusting thing..there was this man who came in at admiralty and he was wearing a pair of shorts and a buttoned shirt..the thing was, he didnt button his shirt!..so he was HALF NAKED on the mrt!! right in front of mi!!!..den at woodlands, he found a place to sit..but he sat till he was at like some kopitiam like that!..he actually lifted his leg and placed it on the seat!!..like ew!?..i couldnt wait to get out of the train..

went to play floorball with dmm this morning..yes! i exercised again!!..so happy..haha..went to tiong after that for lunch and headed to grandma's place with winnie..nothing much to do there so i kinda fell asleep..yk asked mi whether i wan to go study with him and sinyee at ps..i said ok so got dad to send mi home to bathe before going to ps..spent the rest of the day with them..productive? yeah i would say it was..haha..

school ended!!!..YES!!..did a bit of the advertising campaign today -stress adel-..nxt wk is a new wk!..looking forward..

wat a world

i tink ive been too pampered by god..the world that i live in seems so dreamworld..i do haf my problems..but somehow those probs always work out by themselves and i seriously tink that is due to god..today i was browsing thru blogs, and i realised wat an ugly world i live in..

something that i dun understand..is the life of young gurls in singapore society..is a trend nowadays to hurt oneself?..it certainly has never been a trend in any of my life stages..the first time i heard that there were actually ppl doing it i was shocked..i rmb my mom came to mi one day and she said, gurl watever happens u dun go and follow other ppl and cut urself ok..i responded, cut myself?..mad ah who would do such a thing?!..my mom enlightened mi to the fact that there actually were gurls doing this..

but now, it seems like such a common thing..like, oh she cuts herself..or yeah i do it too..i rmb frens coming up to tell mi that they took out their penknife in the toilet as the pain was too unbearable..these frens, i scolded really hard..i did a survey once, asking gurls y they do it..they gave mi one answer, becos the pain inside was so hurtful that they wanted their physical self to feel hurt..that to mi, makes zero sense..so anyways, i went on asking them what in the world could possible cause so much hurt?..again i got one same answer..guys..always abt guys..either guys rejecting them, or guys whom they like so much but liking other gurls, guys that they cannot haf, guys guys guys..its disgusting!..y shld any other human being on earth determine whether u can mutilate ur own body?..

the root cause of it?..the four letter word - love..everyone longs for love..god created love, and he meant for it to be good..but satan, took that, twisted it and prompted love that hurt..damn satan..love never meant to hurt, never..it is meant to build up, not destroy..to protect, not to inflict..to nurse, not to tortue..to exalt, not condemn..and it never never never meant to scar..

i read of gurls cutting themselves, and i really cry for them..some of them i know, some of them i dun..but the underlaying thing is that they do not know of the perfect love!..love that ll never scar and never hurt..love that is reciprocal, maybe even initiated..try this love!..

and to add something..the guy prob doesnt even care anyway!..and even if he does know, he ll juz be frightened of you..and he ll drift even further away..he ll be scared!..so dun hurt urself for heaven's sake!!..

random words

if u keep telling urself that its impossible, u ll never achieve anything.

words are ferocious creatures.

if u insist on doing something that u haf determined not to do cos u know that its bad for you and it hurts others, now that is wat i call real determination.

juz a few random sentences that i came across which i tot to jot down before i forget..

encouragement

sacrifice investment sacrifice investment sacrifice investment

argh screw words man..they juz confuse everybody and even causes miscommuncation..well maybe if ppl stop picking on words den there wouldnt be so much insanity on earth trying to decipher the actual meaning of a sentence..

but yet, words haf meaning that sometimes wow mi..like words in the bible that god uses..its quite amazing how god uses specific words juz for that specific reason so that the whole passage makes more sense to human beings..and it brings more depth to it..

gosh im tired and i haven started on my assignment..crap shall blog later if i haf the time..