look at this

I HATE YOU SO MUCH FROM THE BOTTEM OF MY SOUL.

oh its quite fun!!

im back from my class chalet!!..i know im missed..hahah..it was ubber fun there..well i dun tink u-now-who ll be reading this so i dun care and im juz gonna blog abt all the fun tt we had for the past 3 days..

first day there wasnt much ppl..only mi emu janice wenjun jiahao and marc..went to downtown east and checked in..omg the bed is soooo nice!..but of course the house one better la..and do u know tt they haf xbox in the chalet itself?!..WAH!!..haf to go to x-square to rent games for 8 bucks per day tho..which is quite ok so we rented winning eleven..i never knew tt soccer games were so fun one can!?..im gonna buy winning eleven and play it at home already..i was laughing my head off so much!!..and ok im still a noob so idiot wenjun kept wanting mi to play so tt he can laugh at mi..wat the?!..

so after we check in we went to play pool at fun stations and funky balls!..wat a stupid name..funky balls?!..hilarious..played till 4 liddat den janice haf to leave..went back chalet den decided to go swimming..forgot to bring mine so had to buy from world of sports..-_-..damn sad..waste money la..but the pool was superb..like gallery hotel like tt..hahah..got glass pane one so u can see ppl below..mi and emu were like mermaids!!..

there were 4 beds and 5 ppl..i dunno y..but 4 of us had to squeeze into the 2 top beds while marc took 1 on the floor..the gurls didnt dare to slp on the floor cos marc kicked a cockroach tt was ALIVE below the bed..wah lau..and the guys juz wanted to squeeze onto the top bed..made us so squeezy la!!..haf to slp with 2 guys leh!!..where got enuf space?..

but we were super farni..filmed this short class film and wenjun acted as a vibrator!!..wah lau!!..if u wan to c the film msg mi on msn..i ll send it to u..and laurence acted sissy soooo well!!..muhahah..its damn farni..

supposed to haf bbq on 2nd day but..bbq halfway rain..sian tiao..had to move the food back to the room to eat..played bb too..i realise tt i can actually shoot quite well..heh..mi and adel make a great team!!..oh yeah we played murderer the whole time we were there..2 days also play muderer..i haf NEVER played murderer so much in my enitre life before..like 4 hrs straight of tt dumb game!!..we were juz winking our days away!!..shims and monkey faces..i love my class..

i tink i grew fat..2 days juz keep eating and eating and eating..never stop one leh..after bbq still go joo chiat eat wanton mee..play muderer eat snacks..supper eat chocolate..die ah i tell u..confirm die one..do u know tt there are roads called rambutan and chiku road?!..amazed..muz exercise now!!..

so tired..didnt get eunf slp..still went out to meet kemmy today at bugis..i tink im superwoman..budden had a great time with kem kem!!..we muz meet up more often before u fly off ok..and u haf to pray for mi..heh..loads been going thru my mind..but i know wat u mean..i ll continue to be myself..dun worry..im secure of who i am..and i wun change cos of others..i ll only do wat god asks mi to do..and ppl please boycott bugis village level 2 toilets..haf to pay 20 cents u know!!..and so dirty somemore!!..where got toilet haf to pay one?!..so screwed up..

well i kinda miss my gurls..having cg tml at essential brews!!..whew!!..cant wait cant wait..3 ah..dun be late ok..hahah..

tough time for mi..but i ll pull thru..i ll be stronger from this..pls dun bullshit anymore..i ll haf to clear up after u..thanks so much ah..and if u take away tt person..im gonna hate u real bad..

the flying dutchman

long post with no pics coming up..so go away if u dun wana read..

well first thing in the morning..i had exam..yeah..exams on sat!!..it sucks..my lecturer is such a good liar tt she can go join acting or wat..all the tips tt she gave like only 2 are useful!?..and she told us so convincly that focus grp wun come out and guess wat?..yeah focus grp did come out!!..wah lau..as soon as i finished the paper i was grumbling abt it already..lesson learnt..dun trust lecturers' tips in future!!..NONE of it is useful..

den i went to church..they sang a new song today..wat the world ll nvr take..da bing was saying tt today's praise and worship was so good that it could be recorded into a cd..haha..dunno lah..pastor ben preached today..quite looonnng tho..

its my mom's bday today..HAPPY BDAY MOM!!..I LOVE YOU LOADS..hope u like the flowers..so anyway my dad's company had some sort of dinner and dance so i had to go there..was expecting it to be really boring..but surprisingly..it wasnt!!..

well first of all..the flying dutchman was the host for the show..ok i admit..at first i tot he was some old dj guy and tts it..i tell u..he is so freaking damn funny!!..i laughed till my guts almost came out..ok tts quite disgusting..but he is really hilarious!!..i swear im gonna listen to class 95 every weekday morning from now on..i dun understand how he comes out with all those jokes!!..its outta the world and simply hilarious!!..

another point tt made the dinner not so boring was tt they were a lot of cute guys there..hahah..there was this waiter whos name was arthur i tink..cute but short..den i saw this guy..oh my god..cute and tall!!..he got tt ang moh face tho he's chinese..and the way he dance..no comments..hahah..i was like right beside him?!..whew!!..in cloud no. 9 now..

i found out tt singtel's chairman is lee hsien yang..who is lee hsien loong's brother..wat the?..i mean..its like the whole of singapore is being run by the lees!!..even telecommunications also!!..no wonder singtel has so much money(can get FD to be host) and its staff can get like all sorts of benefits..and now i can understand how my father can juz slack in his office and earn money..wah lau..its like one gigantic happy family there la..singtel ppl are so supporting!!..there was this game where each table had to dress up one guy as a female diver..(my table didnt play cos all the men were quite old)..and this guy stripped rite there and then!!..im so shocked..like hello!?..we are toking bout 30 or 40 yr old married men here!!..oh my goodness some of the games that they play are...wow!!..

they even had a dance segment after the dinner!!..and ppl dance!!..ppl as in middle age parents?!..they are freaking sporting la!!..makes us teenagers feel ashamed man..its quite funny seeing my parents dancing..i tried too but their music is like from the 1970s?!..ABBA LEH WAH LAU!!..their dance moves are weird too..generation gap..but!!..they had techno music!!..WHAHAH..hilarious!!..

my brother cant drink..such a wuss..i haf to add coke so tt he can learn how to drink..ahhaha..but..a guy has to learn how to drink..its a guy thing..makes them..well..a guy..i dunno..

*y is it tt i cant control myself from noticing you?pls dun tok to mi anymore*

whine and cry

my sister is whining now cos my mom bought a birthday present for her fren..apparantly she wans the doll for herself..even tho my mom promised her to buy her a new doll tml..she's still sulking and throwing stuff at the present inside her ball house..her cries are getting louder..groan..

maybe i shld whine and cry too..den i can finally get my iPod..

I WANT MY IPOD!!

p.s: mars is supposed to be seen today..not yesterday..sorry..

exams on sat..stressed stressed..studying these few days..i wana maximise my time!!..time for my mugger instincts to take over..actually its abt time that my slacker's habits fade away..ever since As ended my brain has automatically taken a vacation and its been coated with rust!!..my memeory has really gone down the drain..i cant memorize as much as i had been able to..die die!!..

i have seen bobo twice this week!!..its scary!!..on tuesday when i was studying at ps swensen with puay and i saw him from the window..it was damn farni..we got his no. from ben wai and we were like "bobo wat are u doing standing in the middle of ps?..i can see u from here"..ahhah..and i saw him today again!!..while studying with xinyi at kap..gosh..MR BOBO CAN U STOP STALKING MI!?!?..

oh ppl make sure to look out of ur window at 12.30 am tonight..u r supposed to be able to see the planet mars..if u can see it..it will most prob be red in colour..the nxt time this ll occur again is in yr 2247..so..make sure to catch it!!..

stressed

okok getting a bit stressed up now..here to destress..have been working on this essay the whole day and im only at half of it!!..is it juz mi?..i juz cant concentrate..maybe i shld try to concentrate a bit more..do u sumtimes feel like u haf all the determination in the world but when u start doing the actual thing..ur determination starts to fade away real quick?..

exams on sat..getting real scared now..like i dunno whether im studying enuf!!..gosh..i know i haven studied enuf..im not utilising my time well..i haven even finished doing my freaking assignment which i 'promised' myself i ll finish on monday..haf to finish it by tonight..have to..i cant drag it any longer..

haf to study hard now..i want my honours..hahaha..its kinda worse when this module is quite easy and im not spending time to study it..AHHH!!!!!..GOD HELP MI!!..give mi all the concentration in the world..do not let mi be distracted by other things..help mi finish this dumb assignment..help mi to study please!!

microsoft words is so NOT user frenly!!..i wanted to find out where the stupid spacing button is so i can edit to 1.5 spacing between my sentences..so was looking ard in 'format' and i couldnt find any 'spacing' button at all..after like half an hr figuring out..decided to ask for help from jiahao..he told mi that it was the 'paragraph and spacing' button..WAH LAU!!..u know wat words put?..they put the button 'paragraph...' button (go see of u dun believe)..HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT SPACING IS THERE TOO!?!?!?..no brains one leh..

went to study at kap today..seems like i can do work when im not at home..if i put my mind to it..guess i haf to go out of the house more often..with xbox tv com at home..i cant concentrate at all..stressed stressed..

i want my ipod frigging badly..

grant mi my wish tonight

pardon mi for this post..its gonna be quite sappy and whiny..cos i was juz tinking of some things..

while doing my homework..im reminded that this year is gonna end soon..its already august going on september..nxt yr..ppl ll haf moved on..j1 to j2..j2 to army or uni..tt means diff cg..maybe even diff units..there's gonna be changes..it brings tears to my eyes..

i rmb the time the jc grp first started..when we had only 17 ppl in the cg..9 gurls and 8 guys..when we would gather at hq in holland..i still rmb the day and time..cg ll always be on tuesday at 6pm..and it ll end at earliest 830pm..and after tt i had to rush home so my mom wun find out..

i still rmb..some games tt we played were so stupid yet..it was so fun..i rmb when derrick lead games..we played charads where the first one was "hit me baby one more time"..when i lead games..we played dog and bone rite there in tiny hq..i rmb the first praise songs that we sang when jiehui and matmat lead praise and worship..we sang "come on lets celebrate" and "my redeemer lives"..i rmb how we used to dread ban ban sharing testimony..cos his testi is soooo long!!..hahahha..but..it was always an amazing testimony..i rmb the announcement that eesiew did..who can ever forget?!..5 stars for tt..i rmb how we would split into guys and gurls for sermon d..i rmb all the laughter in that small yet cosy home..

i rmb the time when we split cg..2 gurls grp and 1 guys grp..the last combined cg we ever had..because the grp had grown too big to fit one cg..i rmb the first few mcg we had..once at jo's hse where we had our chocolate bbq..another at xiao mao's hse where i first tasted derrick's delicious brownies..i rmb family day where we played the mrt game..rite after the steamboat..i rmb the first few faces that joined us..crystal puay ashleigh chong chong geral joyce llamma etc..one yr..juz one yr..tt is how short it took for us to grow from 17 ppl to almost 50..even splitting into 2 units..i know..that we ll continue growing..

but rite now..deep in my heart..how i wish..that god had stopped the time back then..when it was still the 17 of us..having cg at hq..going derrick's hse to slack..sitting together during svs..eating at starhub after tt..

i've known them for almost 2 years..we haf been thru so much..how sad that we are moving on..tho i know..tt eventually we ll move on..but its still saddening..i miss those days..when tamar was still ard..always our da jie looking out for us..this was a part of y i wanted to stay in the jc ministry..the memories of the past..cos i know how a strong foundation in youth can help one in his/her future spiritual walk..and i want to be a part of that foundation..because i haf experienced it myself..and i know that it is life-changing..

shuyi said..that i must not be caught up in the past..tho the past times were wonderful..but the god who brought those wonderful times ll bring you to even more wonderful ones..more wonderful ones?..god i cant wait!!..the new generation is coming..new faces and new people..new frens for mi to know..new memories to add to those already within my heart..new challenges and new changes..new lives waiting to be changed..it is going to be fantastic!!..i can feel it..

but god..grant mi a wish tonight..tt when i sleep..let mi dream of the times back den..

petals around the rose

i juz wasted like 1 hr figuring out the game "petals around the rose"..all thanks to koh choonmin who gave mi the link on msn..all those who haven tried it out..give it a go
here..and i finally got it!!..

word of advice tho..dun tink too much..rmb the name of the game..and if u dun wana waste ur time..dun try it at all..

younger sister

my irritating little sis snatched my TV away from mi so i cant play my xbox now!!..am so bored..theres nothing to do on my com except dumb assignments which i dun wan to do!!..so im like playing hearts over and over again..how loser is tt?..i want my TV..

since had nothing to do..was tinking for a bit..gosh im so damn lazy..so many things to do yet dun wana move a single muscle..gosh i juz rmb!!..shirley say lazy=wicked..wow..ok after this gotta move my ass already..

ok as i was saying..i was tinking bout my burfday..i know its still a bit long away but i always loved birthdays..hahah..anyways..come to tink of it..my parents haven given mi a burfday present for a long time already!!!..wah lau..i cant even rmb my last birthday present la!!..my brother gets everything!!..xbox, computer, new games..and this year he ll most prob be getting a laptop!!..MY IPOD HAVEN EVEN COME YET LA!!!..SINCE LAST YEAR CAN!??!..promise le still haven buy..somemore say dun make empty promises..chey..biasness..my burfday every year only go dinner!!..his go dinner and haf present!!..my sister haf present and burfday party somemore!!..wat is this man?..IM GONNA REQUEST SOMETHING THIS YEAR!!..its so unfair to mi la..

was reading xianggg's blog..and i agree with her..guess in church..there are many so called policies(watever u call them) present..and yeah..it got its loopholes and everything..sumtimes we dun agree and we kick up a big fuss..questioning all the loopholes and demanding it to be changed..we ask y cannot this y cannot that..y muz we do this and tt..y is it this way..but tink of the bigger picture!!..yes its not perfect..BUT WHAT THING TT IS CREATED BY MEN PERFECT?!..nothing is perfect in this world!!..tts y we cannot lead ourselves in this imperfect world..cos how can the blind lead the blind?..the both of them ll juz kanna car accident or sumthing..

nothing is perfect..but always remember..im certain tt the church does things with the people in mind..because the church is about ppl..because god dwells among his ppl..some things is not perfect..but it is the best..in every thing..there is always a good side and bad side..but dun focus on the bad sides..cos the good side has soooo much more benefits if u would juz shut ur mouth and take a good look at it..i mean..the church wont want to oppress the ppl and like make everyone unhappy rite?..

im not juz saying bout Hope..im saying abt all churches..i mean..even in ur own blood family..u guys haf house rules and all tt stuff rite..like sumtimes ur parents dun let u stayover and u get so pissed off cos it is like so common to you..and u are tinking y are they so stiff-necked..but like u know tt they got their reasons no matter how ridiculous and u know tt they love u and watever they implement they haf you in mind..so u haf two choices..either u be the rebellious child and question their rules and go break them all and incur much misunderstandings and sadness in the family..or u accept them no matter how unwillingly and carry on in a loving family..den when u grow older they ll trust u and let u do wat u want..

so you see..its the same..u haf a choice..to question all the loopholes or to accept..u may not really like it..but its the best!!..tts y i say..always go find out abt the loopholes..learn and understand y the leaders of the church does some things..be curious and find out..tt is how u mature..cos at the back of all these..god is the main reason..so when u learn and understand..u ll learn more of god's characteristics..and u ll love god more..

not only in these..like watever u read in the bible..which u dun understand or it makes totally no sense to you at all..go find out for god's sake!!..dun juz like put it one side even tho u dun understand..ask ur shepherds..and if ur shepherds dunno..they ll ask their shepherds..and sumtimes..u ll come to a conclusion tt..actually we dun actually know y..hahaha..i know im crapping..but pls bear with mi for a while..not everything in this world is understandable..most things are cos god chose to reveal them to us..but some god chooses not to reveal to us..hence we dunno..i dunno y he does tt..he has his own ways..god does things in an illogical way..but those tt god has chosen to reveal to us..go and find out..go and learn and understand..always be curious..hahah..

i guess for some policies..its really for like the younger ppl in the church..cos in teenager years the ppl are more influential and like need a concrete model to follow..but as we get older..when we go into the 18-19 year old stage..we dun haf policies anymore..instead..they become values..cos at our age..we haf a more tinking brain..we are more matured..ur shepherds cant control u anymore like how it was when u are younger..when u are 18 yrs old..u are expected to haf a mind of ur own..u are expected be more responsible..ur shepherds trust u to account..to do things on ur own without questioning..so there are no more policies..there are only values..u can choose to do it the right way or the wrong way..ur shepherds cant really do anything if u choose to ignore advice and do the wrong way..tts y xiang always say..foundation is the most impt..wat a wise young lady..i haf a lot to learn from her..

hmmm come to tink of it..my sheep(s) are all wise ppl..thank god for them..i dun tink we are really shepherd and sheep..we are frens..they teach mi things tt i never really knew too..wat a wonderful gift from god..

its sad when u see ppl who were once strong fall away..ppl whom u once knew so deeply and so intimately now suddenly..disappear..maybe not in the physical sense..but they haf changed so much in the things they say..the things they do..till u feel like u no longer know them at all..i know its quite bad..but when i look at them..i say..i dun ever want to be like you..god strike mi if i ever leave him..cos i know the hurt ppl who fall away gives to the others who are still struggling to stay on..im hurt and im angry..im sad and disappointed..cos we had an agreement..we say we ll never fall..but u peeps arent there anymore..i never want to be like you..altho i long so much for u all to return..oh well..this is not in my hands..all i haf..all i can do..is pray..pray hard for god to touch u again..wat else can i do?..i need to move on..i need to carry out my roles..i need to be wat god wans mi to be..

its the exam period now..ppl all ard mi are getting stressed..i dun really know wat to say except relax and try ur best..cos in exams..tts wat we do..we study all we can with the time given..pray hard and hope for the best..but dun worry..god seriously has a plan for you all..he wun throw u to despair..jia you ppl!!..study hard..

my exams are coming too..i gotta study hard for my honours!!..i trust you lord..when i do my part..you ll do ur part..cos u ll always take care of mi..juz like how u haf been doing for the 19 years of my life..

gosh i cant believe i typed so much already..gotta go watch chelsea and arsenal match now..hmmm who ll win?..

bored

not much to blog abt these few days..most of my free time used to play my new xbox game..hahha!!..

anyone has xxx holic anime?..or is it even out yet?..

floccipallcinilihilipilification means the tinking sumthing as useless.
supercalifragilisticexpialidocious means tinking sumthing is fantastic.
yes both are actual words found in the oxford dictionary.

hanging out

im happy with myself..cos you see..today we had class from 9 to 3..at 12 we had a lunch break till 1..budden my lecturer let us off at 1045 cos my group had already finished presenting..furthermore to make it worse..she had given us the exam tips at the earlier part of the day..so..it came to a point where i was contemplating to pon and go home and sleep..jiahao looked at mi and shaked his head..orh-hoh again ah..all the while pointing at mi..emu reminded mi tt i wanted to turn over a new leaf..i rmb i promised god to not pon lesson..which i didnt!!..yeah!!..i stayed throughout!!..proud of mi?..ahah..

heard tt theres gonna be another week of holiday after this module..yeah!!!..happy happy..tink tt the class is gonna do sumthing again..so cant wait..i really hafta thank god for my class..i mean..when we first got together..i sincerely believed with all my heart tt we are never ever gonna be able to click..i was sooo depressed..

budden..looking at us now..im happy and satisfied..yes we are all of different personalities but we get along absolutely fine!!..we can crap and tok the whole day and enjoy everybody's presence(with some exception of course)..learn new stuff bout ppl whom u never tot could be possible..guess when u are thrown into an environment..you got not much choice except to try to adapt..but we get along juz fine..

wenjun and jiahao said tt at first..they hated mi the most out of the 3..cos i looked the most dao and bitchy..really meh?..marc adel ayu said the same thing too..its farni to hear these comments bout urself!!..like whoa..ppl actually disliked you cos of ur face?..hahha..

its irritating when u are trying to lose weight and ur mom brings out the most deliciously-looking chocolate brownie cake u haf ever seen!!..man it even has walnuts in it!!..i lllooovvveee walnuts!!..i eat one mouth..blah..learnt slimming ways from yas today..gonna try it out!!..promised marc to go swimming everyday..now why did i do tt?..

exams nxt sat..sighs..im gonna turn into a mugger again nxt week..i tink i would do my assignment tonight..prob gonna watch tsubasa chronicles cos cher lent mi this comic which is somewhat related..yeah!!..

my new x:odus shoe is a bitch!!..she's given mi 5 blisters the first time i wore her and 2 more new ones today..lesson learnt: nice shoes are always painful..my feet are horrendous..you can judge a woman by looking at her feet..handiplast is a woman's best fren..hahah..

im crapping again..guess cos i juz took a nap and feel quite refreshed!!..a long time since i felt like this..


this is lan somerhalder..or more commonly known as boon from the show lost..isnt he juz soooo shuai?..my current fav for the moment..hahah..

my results

i got back my results for my first module already..journalism skills if u guys forgot..i got a grade B..

i shld be happy rite..B is quite good..considering i didnt finish my paper..considering i didnt really know wat i was writing..considering..oh juz forget it..im quite sad bout it..i was praying for an A..

maybe i shld be contented..at least it wasnt a C..maybe i shld work harder nxt time..i dunno..

i believe in the unbelievable

was too tired yesterday to blog properly..so shall do it now..hehe..

for the record..i really enjoyed the presence of the hk delegates but theres seriously no scandal watsoever ok..hahah..the scandalous part i ll juz leave it to god..who knows rite?!..hahah..kidding..cant wait for him to send mi the fotos..den i ll post them here..

anyways they haf left for hk already..im quite sad actually..a bit se bu de them leaving..but i guess they haf acheived their agenda and learnt stuff from us..wish u guys all da best in ur youth ministry!!..i will definately go and visit u guys there..then its time for u to show mi ard k..heh..

i went to school today!!..ok tts not sumthing exciting budden for mi..it was another temptation..was soo tired this morning tt i juz wanted to sleep and pon school..but i rmb the purpose in mi going school so i forced myself to wake up..lucikly i went cos today's lesson was quite impt..

went to kap to study with xinyi after school..managed to do one of my tutorials and read thru the lessons for tml..spent the time in fruitful conversation with dear xinyi..hahah..i tink tt im mad..for the breakthru giving..i pledge to give 150 bucks a mth..add tt to tithing and im like giving 180 bucks a mth to church for the nxt 2 yrs!!..gosh!!..tts more than half of my allowance..i seriously didnt noe y i did tt..i tot of juz giving 100 bucks budden tot tt it was still within my comfort zone..so i decided to up it..oh my god i really dunno wat prompted mi to do tt..so i was tinking bout it today..

i tink..tt god has actually bless mi quite a lot..my family is still quite ok doing so i never really experienced a time where i need to depend on god in terms of my finances..and in theory..i shld haf much more money left over each mth den wat i haf now(which is virtually zero)..cos i tend to spend a lot on shopping..180 bucks to god per mth means i cant go shopping for 2 yrs!..tts quite sad..(ok im starting to haf doubts now)..and it means tt i wun haf all the luxuries tt im enjoying now..i ll really juz haf to live on the barest minimum..i really dunno whether i can go thru this period..but i want to experience the saying "you can never outgive god, god ll never shortchange you" personally in my life..i dun juz want to hear the testimonies of other of how god bless them when they give..but i want it to happen in my own life!!..and the only way i can experience this..is when i give god so much more..when im living outside my comfort zone..

i know tt if i managed to pull thru this period..and if i dun alter my breakthru giving..i ll mature a lot more in god..i ll walk with him even further..cos i haf experieced another aspect of god personally..and hence i ll be even more convicted that he is real and always there by my side..always there looking after mi..

im not always as happy and strong..i haf my own moments of weakness..i haf my own times of fear..there r times when i would do sumthing tt i know i shldnt..i try to do to my best..i try to help in all tt i can..but the more i try to do this..the more i realise a mistake tt i constantly make..tt is i depend on myself too much..i rely on my own ability to change things..to help others..and when i've worked myself to the bone..and i realise tt nothing has changed..i come back to the source..and i ask myself wat in the world am i tiring myself out for..and im tempted to juz drop everything and turn away..cos all this is juz too hard for mi..it tires mi emotionally, mentally and physically..den in the stillness of the night..the voice of god comes back to mi..and reminds mi tt i do this because of him..tt i haf him..and it is enuf..

sumtimes when im in one of my low periods..i instinctly pick up the fone to call ppl..i ll tink..hmmm who shall i call?..shepherd?..SB?..leader?..sighs..i need to rely on god more..i cant always call ppl..i need to call on god..

i tink im mad sumtimes..the things i do in the name of christ..the responsibilities that i haf to take on..the ppl i haf to take care of..the meetings tt i haf to attend..the teachings tt i haf to prepare..oh gosh i make all these sound like a burden!!..dun mind mi..im juz going thru one of my down moments..i know tt the joy and memories i haf gone thru is worth any ounce of tiredness and sacrifice tt i haf made..the ppl whom i haf come into contact with are all ppl whom i love with all my heart..but im human too..and sumtimes i need to rant..

im damn disappointed now!!!!..im always disappointed when things dun go well..when ppl dun share my same view..maybe i seem too legalistic..but i haf my principals behind the things tt i do!!..its tiring when u try to explain y u do the things tt u do..but ppl juz dun freaking care and tink tt u are too strict..

gosh i tink i need to delegate more work to others..i cant always be the one who carries everything..i haf to start to trust ppl and let them do the work..let them share my burden too..

i tink..i need a good sleep..

hk

thank you so much key for giving mi the chance to host the hk delegates!!!..i seriously like them loads..they are such nice ppl!!..i wish them all the best in their upcoming youth svs!!..grow for god ppl!!!..it was so nice being with you all!!..hope tt i was good company..i ll go hk soon to visit you ppl!!..happy bday mei mei!!..

celebrated so many ppl bday today..ruisi matmat zhikang ziwei and meimei..HAPPY BDAY ppl!!..

i wana go hk..

oh my goodness look at this analysis of mi!!..

Here is the analysis:You can take care of all members in the group very well. You make sure that everybody gets his or her plates during mealtime. You act like a caring mother all the time.

source:http://quizbox.com/personality/test69.aspx
i seriously cant believe it..bleah..i refuse to believe it!!..

dum dee dum

i finally bought my shoes from x:odus!!!..oh my god i am so happy now..

isnt johnny depp juz so amazing?!..-swoons-

willy wonka

finally watched charlie and the chocolate factory..johnny depp was excellent!!..he's the most amazing actor i haf ever came across before..he is juz so flexible!..he can act in virtually every part that was casted to him..from weirdo freak edward scissorshands to weirdo pirate jack sparrows..im so in love with him..hahaha..i enjoyed the movie..it is sooo nice..u shld watch it if u haven..

well its back to school alreadys..im still getting used to the waking up early part..got marc to give mi a wake up call every morning..thank you sooo much!!..and as each day past..it brings mi closer to the release of my results for my first module..im so scared..like wat if i didnt do well?..den i'll be so demoralised and stuff..sighs..prayin hard..

i love the song called 'when i tink abt the lord'..it always make mi tink back on wat god has done in my life..how he changed my life 180 degrees to now..hmmmm come to tink of it..i wonder wat i would be doing now if i hadnt converted..it is still an amazement to mi tt im in church and leading a grp..and im also amazed at all the good frens tt i have come to know..xinyi shuyi choonie joyce key etc..they are all so different from mi!!..definately not my clique if u know wat i mean..but yet they are my closest frens..frens who never gives up on mi..frens who dun disappear cos we are no longer in school..cos they make the effort to call and chat with mi..they make the effort to be close..to be my frens..so different from the concept of 'frens' tt i used to have..i wonder if i didnt knew god..would i be quarrelling with my parents..most prob not..cos i wun even bother to tok to them or even spend time with them..maybe i shld be thankful tt im quarrelling with them..cos it shows tt i do communicate with them..hahah..juz one word to describe all this..'wow'..yup..juz tt word..

went to study at ps today with xinyi..gosh mass media research is sooo dry and boring!!..everytime i open my text..i can almost always fall asleep rite smack in the middle of those words-filled pages..i haf to force myself to read thru..luckily my lecturer is quite interesting..or else..die!!..okok jinqi u cannot pon school anymore!!!..u haf to go and listen or else u ll not understand and u ll flunk ur module!!!..sighs..oh btw thank you xiangyu for reminding mi tt before my school started..i was going ard saying how fun and exciting it would be and now im like.......sighs..i haf to buck up and start psychoing myself tt school is fun..ewwww..alright..juz do this for god..hmmm tt sounds nicer..heh..

i feel disgustingly fugly now!!..im sure i put on weight..ahhhh!!!..time to start the diet again..

to a special person: god's plan will never ever be wrong..cos he knows wat you need and he ll give ur heart's desire..it is in man's nature to want things immediately cos we haf no patience to wait for the special plan..man gives himself all sorts of excuses for not waiting..and in the end..it ends up in a mess cos when man try to do sumthing tt is not in god's will..god ll never support it..and u know it..u know everything tt i haf said deep down in ur heart..sumtimes man knows wat he shld do..its juz whether man wants to do wat he knows he shld do..god says seek his righteousness first and all u desire will be given to you..trust in god..do wat u muz do..dun worry bout anything else..worry wat god ll tink..sumtimes man tink tt he is strong..but in truth..the one who tinks he's the strongest is actually the weakest..god says this to you..cling onto this..dun fear, cos im with you..of course..im here with u too..i love u dear..my heart aches for you..and i know..tt god's heart aches even more..

yawns

*yawns*..its 940 am and im blogging..wat does tt mean?..yeah..im late for school cos i overslept..tts the prob with private schools..they dun care whether you are in class a not..if ur attendance is marked..den thats tt..its enitrely up to you..and to mi..its a temptaion whether i shld carry on sleeping or force myself to wake up..

god u gotta help mi..i really wana glorify in my studies..but its impossible if im not even there to listen wat the lecturer is teaching..

oh well..gotta get to school now..im so tired..

ecp

went ecp yesterday..actually the whole thing was a bit luan..i still dunno wats it called..central jc get-to-know-each-other-better party?..kinda weird sounding tho..but matmat asked us to get to know 2 ppl of opposite genders from different units..huh?!..so farni!!..ok fine..we shall do juz tt..

anyways..central f ppl met at ps first before taking 16 there..ended up at mac and decided to buy twister fries..den i received a call from mr matthew himself and guess wat..the party was held at bbq pit 60 which was at the OTHER SIDE OF EAST COAST PARK!!..omg..it was only bbq pit 27 outside macs..i swear we walked for one hr to tt place..5 whiny ppl together is really not a good thing..trust mi..

ok la..matmat bought ice-cream to pei zui so we shall forgive him..ahha..the food was great leh!!..especially kemmy's chicken wings which she marinated herself(muz give her credit for it ma)..the weather was perfect..i tink the games was fun..except tt we played too late so it grew dark quite fast..and i dunno y they call it wat shopping style lor!?..watever..but nvm my team had ben wai and matmat..got the both of them can already..sure win one..so the gurls didnt really haf to do anything la..haha..

called off the game cos it was too dark..sad..im never ever gonna play touch rugby again!!..i was so damn useless la!!..wah lau..i shall stick to other games..tried to play panic in the sand..but cannot la..the cards kept getting buried so we couldnt actually find aything..we played snap and bluff with sei pei pei and he kept winning..as usual..even with handicap so..oh well..

stupid tau sa pia gave mi nickname to the cj guys..im so dead now..kept getting suan by jiehui too..xiangyu y werent you there?!..tks to janey and ruisi who stood up for mi..hahah..i love you guys..got a lift from ben wai's parents..really appreciate it..

smiles..ok tts bout it..it was a fun day..another memory tt i ll rmb for life..and i know tt there ll be many more to come..with new faces appering..for all of this..i give thanks to god..

oh almost forgot..HAPPY BIRTHDAY SIONG GUAN!!..or ashley..watever..hahha..

fop

haven really been home for the last couple of days..juz got to use the computer now so shall blog bout my happenings..

went to fop on friday..went at 430 to queue up..it was freaking hot!!..well actually wanted to queue up for ppl who ll be coming late..but by like 530 the security decided to stop letting ppl cut queue at a certain point..tt was quite sad cos most of our peeps haven came yet..so llamma being a nice guy..decided to give up his place with us and started a new queue at the back so all who were late could juz slot in there..so nice rite?!..cos of him most of us were able to get into the stadium..llamma is really a great guy leh..sad tt some ppl were unable to go in tho..

was expecting a bit more from fop actually..tot there would be more songs den toking..but it seems like the opposite..haha..hillsong was great but theres seriously too little songs..delirious? music is good but they are more of like a rock-christian band..their songs are nice to hear but not nice to sing along with..its too slow..and too performy den for bringing up the spiritual atmosphere..oh well..there was this loonnng sermon by this english pastor from i dunno where..almost fell asleep but xiang kept prodding mi..decided to settle down and listen to wat he is preaching bout..

was glad i listened!!..god spoke to mi thru him tt day!!..the passage was abt moses toking to god..sumthing tt moses said puzzled mi at first..in exodus 33:18 he said..now show mi ur glory..
show mi ur glory?..wats he trying to say?..the pastor explained and finally..i got it..everything tt happens is god's glory..if my grp grows..if my brother converts..if my family converts..if i manage to get honours..anything tt happens in my life..it is all god's glory..everything tt happens is to reflect how god is so good..how god is so magnificient, so powerful compared to us..he holds the decision of every single thing of my life in his hands..he decides whether to give mi success or to let mi go thru failure..he decides when my family will convert and when my grp ll grow..nothing is my doing..if i try hard and still fail..its god's decision..maybe i was doing sumthing wrong..maybe sumthing bad ll happen if i succeed..i dunno..but i gotta haf faith - the one thing tt seperates mi from the non-christian..pure simple faith..i understand now..i understand y i kept failing..i understand y i didnt haf success..i understand y i prayed so hard yet nothing seems to be going well..god you finally spoke to mi after such a long time!!..thank you so much..pls dun ever stop speaking to mi..pls dun keep ur voice away..or i ll juz die ok..

took bus home with claire after fop..went to clementi foodcourt and had dinner at midnight..toked quite a lot to her..really enjoyed the time spent with her..had a heart-to-heart tok bout school church and all kinds of stuff..den took a cab to shuyi's hse..spent the night there..kumbaya with my beloved shepherd..haven really got a chance to tok to her cos we were both quite busy recently..it was a great time of fellowship..i seriously love you shuyi!!..oh found out a new way to eat gingko nuts..microwave them for a min..den eat..its damn nice la!!..

made our way to nexus the nxt day..shuyi had to reach at 11 cos of hope resource duty..i spent the time writing cards with xinyi at starhub..den met albert and went shopping for sam's bday present..den was off to svs!!..sermon was abt cg..which reminds mi..my cg is simply fantabulous..theres no other word to describe them already..the grp is growing..there ll be new additions regardless of time..god show mi ur glory k..heheh..

key asked mi to teach seed on sat..i was damn scared la!!! altho only 3 points..wah..i juz dun haf the guts to like go teach in a big group bout god's word..i mean seriously..mi?!..mi leh..omg!!..janey you know wat i mean rite?..how can i ever do such a thing?..im really amazed lor..was shaking like crazy at first..even bao bao encouraged mi..but thank god tt as time passed..i grew a little better..trusted in him to do his work..tho was a bit incoherent but hope still ok ba..guess it gets better with practise..hahah..gonna lead seed with llamma again on the 20th aug..got a bit experience le so shld be better..

went to piazza after seed to celebrate ben wai's bday..played this drinking googles game and the forfeit was to drink water..there was this stupid rule tt ben came up with..from the time until we pay the bill..whoever points with reference to absoultely anything also has to drink half a cup of water..stupid rite?..im those kind tt like instinctively point when i tok..so guess who drank the most?..yeah mi..llamma was 2nd..hao jie mei was 3rd..den stupid ben and derrick kept instigating mi to point and i keep falling for it!!..wah lau..in the end they made us pay 2 bucks for the water(which they tried to disguise under the name open beverages)..watever..

met joyce victor yanshao and shuyi at carrefour before going home..finally get to sleep in my bed after a hectic 2 days..having mcg tml at ecp..may be bringing my brother..woo-hoo!!..so cant wait..

anime

been really caught up with watching anime recently..juz finished hand maid may and now watching mermaid forest..its quite an eerie show tho..llamma's gonna lend mi tsubasa chronicles too..yeah!!..

gonna go festival of praise tonight!!..cant wait for it..

kumbaya

i learnt a new word recently..kumbaya..i love it!!..kumbaya hoi hoi hoi!!..

we surprised ben wai an bobo today at istana park..cos it was their bday..HAPPY BIRTHDAY GUYS!!..also HAPPY BIRTHDAY to sam..who wasnt there..took cg foto today..very farni..den went kumbaya-ing with cheryl xiang and nicole at swensens..sundae only 4 bucks!!..damn cheap!!..

we arent alone at all..even tho sumtimes we may go thru a phase feeling tt way..doing god's work ll nvr leave you feeling alone..how can you?..when you got so many others out there who share the same passion?..its a first time and i pray tt its the last..i look ard and i see my sisters and brothers..ppl who laugh with mi..who cries with mi..who takes care of mi..who exchanges their lives with mine..they are the ones who creates the memories tt i ll remember forever..how can i ever be alone?..

went thru 4 days of deep tot..struggled with many issues..and i emerged stronger and more convicted..once again renewed and refreshed by my god..all ready to give my best once more..and to grow into a deeper relationship with him..

realised tt i haf slowly changed my blog into wat i want ppl to read..and its not the real mi..shldnt be tt way huh..

today

jiehui said tt i made him sound very bad in my blog..ok lah..he's not tt bad one..you know i dun mean it tt way rite jiehui?!..he's really not tt bad..he's a very encouraging brother who always asks mi deep questions tt made mi tink of why im doing wat im doing..doesnt matter if you guys dun understand..anyways..he's really not tt bad..he makes mi laugh more than the times he laughs at mi..

wat happened today ah?..gosh my stm is really getting from bad to worse..oh yeah..today i went to kap to haf shepherding with dear cheryl and xiang babe..actually supposed to go hwa chong one but miss xinyi forced mi to go accompany her at kap..was there for awhile den ruisi popped by!!..hahah..went to cold storage to get my honey chicken..but it was sold out..got the nonya one but it wasnt tt nice..honey chicken is still the best!!..

anyways..was so irritated while shepherding..got this grp of chinese high boys nxt to our table which kept making a lot of noise!!..mi cheryl and xiang couldnt concentrate and decided tt we shall continue shepherding nxt time..bleah!!..

went to westmall with xiang to hello shop..finally activated my gprs!..saw a fone which i liked..still miss my sony ericssion z600 tho..gotta move on!!..i wana eat breadtalk!!..

was going thru a phase the past few days..learnt sumthing impt thru this period of time..all i wana say is tt im fine now..and i know the imptance of leaning on god alone..nothing else..thank you lord..key's nick explains it all..'every phase has its purpose'..yeah..i agree..thanks to qianjin for sending mi the song when i tink abt the lord..it helped mi in realising sumthings..oh well..all i wana say..god is good..

sentosa

went to sentosa today but didnt get a tan!!..sad..was supposed to meet the guys at harbourfront station at 10am..but overslept of course..jiahao was bombing my fone to see where i was..tot of going there for a tan cos the sun was strong..but ard 1130 like tt dark clouds started to gather and it was pouring within a few minutes..felt too sian to go anymore..kept asking albert to tink of some excuses for mi..

but since i had already given jiahao my word..i went in the end with great relutance..seriously..too bad the rain stopped so got no excuse not to go..reached harbourfront at like 3..kept calling to ask where they were and if they wanted mi to buy anything..but they didnt answer their fone!!..i juz knew they were somewhere at the beach..hello sentosa has 3 beaches leh!?..how do i know which one?..decided to take whichever bus tt came first..which was the blue line..which led mi to siloso beach..

got off..walked for awhile kept praying tt they were there..ard 10 mins later..i found them!!..thank god i didnt haf to go all the way to palawan beach..turns out they were all in the water so didnt hear my call..gene offered mi some barcadi with sprite ice..wanted to turn it down but he wouldnt let mi..not good to drink on an empty stomach..

played this frisbee-captainsball game..used a frisbee instead of a ball..mi wenjun yashini on one team..jiahao laurence sha on the other..it was damn fun!!..nvr expected it to be so..played it at the beach near the sea..it was hard to run in the sand..esp with a slope..it was soo tiring!!..rested for awhile before playing again..now mi jiahao wenjun sha on one team..gene laurence yashini and her bf on the other..i was totally enjoying myself!!..wenjun is an asset cos of his height..hahha..he's now officially known as 'mr. diver' for his cheapshot dive..laurence kept marking mi and we always ended up fighting over the frisbee..but he was a nice guy and let mi haf it most of the time(prob also bec of the 50-50 rule)..got too tired and called for a time-out..den we juz chilled in the sea and toked..bonded with one another..i really need to buy a new bikini soon..

after that we went to bathe and changed..guess wat..i forgot to bring my **********..thank god yashini lent mi her tank top..while waiting for the shower room, this grp of china aunties came into the toilet..and they started stripping and changing into their swimming costumes!!..yes they stripped and were totally nude!!..yashini said tt it was like watching a porn movie tt consisted of old aunites!!..yucks!!!..imagine wrinkled skin and drooping boobs!!..

went to harbourfront for dinner..ate yoshi..i love yoshi!!..we toked bout this particular person(shant name names) for a bit..den ard 8 we decided to go home..jiahao forced mi to drop off at city hall and find someone before taking 190 back..being the nice gurl tt i was..i relented at last..had a fun time with him..he told mi bout church and all the people who were before mi..we made a calculation and found out tt i was the 8th batch after him..wow!!..he's seriously a lao kok kok already..hahah..

mom juz said tt im not contributing to the family..sighs..i feel useless now..

there can only be one person

first day of my holiday week and key asked mi to meet him at 12 o'clock at ps!!..hello!?..holidays means tt i haf the obligation to sleep late rite?..how can you ask mi to meet you so early?!..well anyways..i overslept..yeah..

well guess who was there too?..mr yeo jiehui!!..tt is not a good thing for mi ok?..thruout the 1 and a half years tt i haf known him..he is forever mean to mi!!!..today was no exception..i shall not say out all the things that he said/did to mi lor..albert you better not tell anyone ah!!!..or i ll kill you!!..

reached ps at 12.40..had a short teaching till 1.30 den key had to go for driving..i didnt want to go home lor!!..take 1 hr go there den only stay for 20 mins den go home..doesnt make sense..so we went to arcade to find albert..he is damn good at ddr..his easy is 7 can?!..den 1 is wat?..wah lau..he's crazy.. den had lunch at yoshi before going to starhub to meet xinyi..oh my goodness..the brownie with hazelnut ice-cream is sooooo good!!..i love it so much leh..die already..tink of all the fats..

oh yeah..supposed to update you guys bout sat..when mi lily eileen and baoyue walked out of tcc..we heard loads of cars honking..so being singaporeans..we went to take a look..there was aleady a large crowd there..wat happened was 2 cars collided..one was this young ah beng driver who shouted loads of vulgarites..and the other was a middle-aged female driver..the ah beng is soo rude la..hello you shld respect ur elders can!?..and only hit the bumper wat!!..need to shout so loud meh?!.. it was a one-way road and the ah beng's car was in front..and he is sooo stupid tt he cant drive out first before settling stuff..use ur brain can?..they were blocking the whole road..naturally..the discussion settled on women being bad drivers..yes meh?..not at all lor..tts such a bias view..so i haf decided to come up with a poll..are women drivers really tt bad?..

are women really bad drivers?
	yes
	no
	no..in fact they are better than men.
Free polls from Pollhost.com

i like the last choice best..hahah..

oh speaking of ah bengs reminded mi of bao bao..he makes a great ah beng..

maybe i ll be better after a sleep..maybe..juz maybe..