i believe in the unbelievable

was too tired yesterday to blog properly..so shall do it now..hehe..

for the record..i really enjoyed the presence of the hk delegates but theres seriously no scandal watsoever ok..hahah..the scandalous part i ll juz leave it to god..who knows rite?!..hahah..kidding..cant wait for him to send mi the fotos..den i ll post them here..

anyways they haf left for hk already..im quite sad actually..a bit se bu de them leaving..but i guess they haf acheived their agenda and learnt stuff from us..wish u guys all da best in ur youth ministry!!..i will definately go and visit u guys there..then its time for u to show mi ard k..heh..

i went to school today!!..ok tts not sumthing exciting budden for mi..it was another temptation..was soo tired this morning tt i juz wanted to sleep and pon school..but i rmb the purpose in mi going school so i forced myself to wake up..lucikly i went cos today's lesson was quite impt..

went to kap to study with xinyi after school..managed to do one of my tutorials and read thru the lessons for tml..spent the time in fruitful conversation with dear xinyi..hahah..i tink tt im mad..for the breakthru giving..i pledge to give 150 bucks a mth..add tt to tithing and im like giving 180 bucks a mth to church for the nxt 2 yrs!!..gosh!!..tts more than half of my allowance..i seriously didnt noe y i did tt..i tot of juz giving 100 bucks budden tot tt it was still within my comfort zone..so i decided to up it..oh my god i really dunno wat prompted mi to do tt..so i was tinking bout it today..

i tink..tt god has actually bless mi quite a lot..my family is still quite ok doing so i never really experienced a time where i need to depend on god in terms of my finances..and in theory..i shld haf much more money left over each mth den wat i haf now(which is virtually zero)..cos i tend to spend a lot on shopping..180 bucks to god per mth means i cant go shopping for 2 yrs!..tts quite sad..(ok im starting to haf doubts now)..and it means tt i wun haf all the luxuries tt im enjoying now..i ll really juz haf to live on the barest minimum..i really dunno whether i can go thru this period..but i want to experience the saying "you can never outgive god, god ll never shortchange you" personally in my life..i dun juz want to hear the testimonies of other of how god bless them when they give..but i want it to happen in my own life!!..and the only way i can experience this..is when i give god so much more..when im living outside my comfort zone..

i know tt if i managed to pull thru this period..and if i dun alter my breakthru giving..i ll mature a lot more in god..i ll walk with him even further..cos i haf experieced another aspect of god personally..and hence i ll be even more convicted that he is real and always there by my side..always there looking after mi..

im not always as happy and strong..i haf my own moments of weakness..i haf my own times of fear..there r times when i would do sumthing tt i know i shldnt..i try to do to my best..i try to help in all tt i can..but the more i try to do this..the more i realise a mistake tt i constantly make..tt is i depend on myself too much..i rely on my own ability to change things..to help others..and when i've worked myself to the bone..and i realise tt nothing has changed..i come back to the source..and i ask myself wat in the world am i tiring myself out for..and im tempted to juz drop everything and turn away..cos all this is juz too hard for mi..it tires mi emotionally, mentally and physically..den in the stillness of the night..the voice of god comes back to mi..and reminds mi tt i do this because of him..tt i haf him..and it is enuf..

sumtimes when im in one of my low periods..i instinctly pick up the fone to call ppl..i ll tink..hmmm who shall i call?..shepherd?..SB?..leader?..sighs..i need to rely on god more..i cant always call ppl..i need to call on god..

i tink im mad sumtimes..the things i do in the name of christ..the responsibilities that i haf to take on..the ppl i haf to take care of..the meetings tt i haf to attend..the teachings tt i haf to prepare..oh gosh i make all these sound like a burden!!..dun mind mi..im juz going thru one of my down moments..i know tt the joy and memories i haf gone thru is worth any ounce of tiredness and sacrifice tt i haf made..the ppl whom i haf come into contact with are all ppl whom i love with all my heart..but im human too..and sumtimes i need to rant..

im damn disappointed now!!!!..im always disappointed when things dun go well..when ppl dun share my same view..maybe i seem too legalistic..but i haf my principals behind the things tt i do!!..its tiring when u try to explain y u do the things tt u do..but ppl juz dun freaking care and tink tt u are too strict..

gosh i tink i need to delegate more work to others..i cant always be the one who carries everything..i haf to start to trust ppl and let them do the work..let them share my burden too..

i tink..i need a good sleep..