Random Stuff

It's preety surprising how we tend to miss out certain small little traits in the bible that can teach us so much about the way of life, and to mould our characters to becoming more like that of Jesus. Was just reading Nehemiah this morning and as usual, I glanced over these few lines, cos to my naked and spiritually-not-so-clear eyes, there seemed to be of no significance or learning points..

Nehemiah 3:8-9
Uzziel son of Harhaiah, one of the goldsmiths, repaired the next section; and Hananiah, one of the perfume-makers, made repairs next to that. They restored erusalem as far as the Broad Wall. Rephaiah son of Hur, ruler of a half-district of Jerusalem, repaired the next section.

Thanks to the Connect Journal (see, you guys should really get one), something that looked ordinary turned out to be something quite extraordinary..Lets just focus on one person cos time is short before I have to go to work..Hananiah, the perfume-maker..notice anything about him now?

Yes, Hananiah is a PERFUME MAKER..but what was he doing? He was repairing the Jerusalem Wall! I mean, mixing mortar, laying bricks or carrying sand was probably not his forte, and probably hurt his sensitive nose too as he had to have a sensitive nose to make perfume..but he was willing to build the war..to lay aside his differences from his fellow countrymen and come together for a common goal..he worked alongside a goldsmith and a ruler of a half-district..all three men differ so much in their occupations and their skills! Imagine a ruler working right beside you! They were bonded by just one common vision - to rebuild the Jerusalem Wall, because that represented them, and their trust in God..Just for God, they laid aside their petty quarrels, their diverse education and family background, and all their differences to bond together under manual labour, sweat, maybe even a few wounds here and there, and most definitely, they shared joy :) They realised that if you stripped away everything, their jobs their titles their postings etc..at the bottomline, they are all just men working for the glory of God.

I think we should all learn from them..Come on, these guys probably had no clue how to build a wall..but they were willing! And God blessed them tremendously..through all the threats and stuff, they managed to rebuild the wall in 52 days..52 days!! That's just slightly over 2 months..amazing huh?

This really brings across one point:
God looks at the character and the willingness of a man, and not so much at his skills

Apart from this, Michael held a Combined Team Rally yesterday and talked about the direction for AG1, which I thought was preety cool..here it goes..

P - Pioneering
P - Passion
P - Purity

I think God's gonna do some amazing work in our district, and I pray that our cg will experience some amazing stuff too! As Michael said, lets all die together :)

Since this is kinda like a random post with thoughts just bouncing off my mind, lemme touch on something else..

You know, I've always thought that I was gonna die early..cos when I was young, my mom looked at the lines on my right hand and pointed out the 'life line' and said that mine was preety short compared to other ppl..that kinda freaked out a little and i sincerely thought i was gonna very early..this thought was stuck in my mind but its grip on me eventually wore out after i came to accept Jesus and didnt tink so much about death anymore..but just on sunday, i glanced upon my right hand again and noticed the 'life line', and i remembered what my mom said..so i went around comparing it, and yeah, mine's preety short :S

I dunno whether I'm going to die early..but it really reminded me of how precious and short life is..and how i've focused so much on the minute things, the small little problems and the mistakes i've made at this point, and all these made me so caught up in my own present little world..but compare these against the reality of death, and it just seems that all these things dun matter anymore..i've been waking up feeling insecure the past few days, but now, insecurity seems like a rather small thing i've to deal with..there are so many things to do, so many of my close friends that still dunno God, so many lives around to relate with..why am i focusing so much on my problems?

I guess, noticing death brings us back to reality.

This reminds me that I was talking to Sue Lin, my team leader about the youths of today, and how they seem to be wrecking their lives with pre-marital sex, orgies and drunkenness..somehow, i feel that these youths have forgotten a very impt thing..they forget that they will die one day..or maybe they do realise that they will die one day, so they try to seek excitement and enjoyment, and just give in to their tendencies..but as so many people have shown, when we are on the dying bed, so many ppl regret how they spent their lives..its sad huh?

The older ones try to warn the younger ones about their mistakes..the younger ones dun believe because they are at the prime of their lives and they keep insisting they will not regret their actions..so one day, the younger grows up and suddenly realises he's the older one now..and he finally understands what the previous older ones were trying to tell him..and so he goes on to tell the current younger ones..and so the cycle continues..

haiz, human beings never learn do we? satan's having a preety easy time confusing the human race..

Upset!

Upset upset upset!!!

KAKASHI DIED :(:(:(:(:(

Naruto is so poor thing. I feel for him.

Upset!

Upset upset upset!!!

KAKASHI DIED :(:(:(:(:(

Naruto is so poor thing. I feel for him.

Psalm 15

LORD, who may dwell in your sanctuary?
Who may live on your holy hill?

He whose walk is blameless and who does what is righteous,
who speaks the truth from his heart,
and has no slander on his tongue,
who does his neighbor no wrong
and casts no slur on his fellowman,
who despises a vile man
but honors those who fear the LORD,
who keeps his oath even when it hurts,
who lends his money without usury
and does not accept a bribe against the innocent.
He who does these things will never be shaken.

Work's getting busier. Sorry if I appear cold or aloof on MSN, I don't mean it :)

Thru The Nights

My computer's been acting cranky since yest and Gerald came all the way to ulu yew tee to fix my com so now I can come online again! Thank you :)

I've never been more contemplative about my identity and my life's direction than right now..it seems that the whole world's fighting for my attention and there are so many burdens weighing heavily on my mind..so many steps I wana take, so many people I wana talk to, so many situations that I wana deal with, so many relationships I wana restore..

As I stepped into my compound yesterday night, I felt something drawing me away from the lift platform and onto the pathway leading to my swimming pool..maybe it was the amazing view of a star studded night sky, maybe it was the night breeze that tempted me to stay a little while longer outside, maybe it was the silence that I found somewhat endearing, or maybe, it was God who was calling me to step out of my routined life for a little while and do something, unroutine..

Life is just so complex, so challenging, so unexpected and sometimes, even so hurtful..I wonder how I could ever pull through this journey called Life without God by my side..

Will I learn to let go?
Will I learn to trust once more?
Will I learn to persevere again?
Will I learn to love anymore?
Will I ever give my all again?
Will I dare to be vulnerable again?

Can I ever be the me that I've longed to be?

Yet, I've never been more convicted that I cannot go through one day without God than right now either..It surprises me how my thoughts can tilt way over the balance if I did not start the day off with a reading of the bible and a few quick prayers..how the complexities of life and my failures stand out so starkly that no matter how much I will, I can never get rid of the stigma that I've unconsciously placed on myself..

Beyond the smiles, the laughter and the appeared aloofness, who else but God will know how much I struggle..or how broken I really am? And all these, just reminds me of how magnificent God really is..

Because what else do we have to offer to God, except our brokeness? And yet, He takes it all :)

Sometimes when I think of how certain situations might not turn out the way I want it to be, and the familiar feeling of lost comes hitting me so strongly..the only comforting thought is this: No matter who or what I've lost, God knows and beyond this, God understands. And He is the only soothing balm for all our brokeness. What else can I do, except to trust Him?

And when my thought process reaches this stage, I will laugh at myself and think, come on gurl, there is so much more to life than this..sometimes we can be so inward looking and forget that the world is so much greater than who we are..that when I focus on my future, and the path that I will walk in, I realise that life is so much lovelier than being stuck where I am right now..and I will laugh at how much I expand my problems and diminish the power and greatness of God..

Tsk tsk, the things we say to ourselves :)

Silence

Silence does not mean I agree and accept everything.

It just means that there is no point in me saying anything anymore.

Anyone wana go?

Date: 28 Feb 2009, Saturday
Time: 8pm
Venue: Jubilee Hall, Raffles Hotel

Anyone wana go!! Elise and me are going!

We Die Everyday

Harry's MSN nick caught my eye a few months back - we die everyday.

I had a general idea of what it was but I wanted to know what Harry meant, so I went to ask him about. It turns out that he just casually thought of this as he saw the seconds and minutes ticked by..day by day, minute by minute, second by second, time goes by and we never get it back..so in a way, we are dying everyday (did i get that right? haha)

But those three words stirred something in my soul and opened up my mind and made me ponder harder..sometimes i feel, that the greatest gift that god has given us, yet one of the most irritating gifts, is free will..the choice to choose what we want to do..the good path, the bad path, the neutral path, we all have a choice to which path we want to embark on..

I wana choose to die everyday..to die to myself..die to all my rights that im entitled to because of my species, my race, my skin colour, my birth country and my life - to die to the right to be angry, the right to feel maligned, the right to dispense forgiveness as and when I please, the right to be loved, the right to be cared for, the right to expect, the right to indulge in my wants, the right to speak, the right to hurt, the right to slack, the right to let my thoughts and emotions go astray - all the rights that im borned with.

God, you have humbled me and shown me your glory, you've taught me and lovingly disciplined me..Help me to die to myself everyday, and just let me live for you. Every thought, which leads to every emotion, which leads to every action, help me to consciously choose according to what you want me to.

And I will praise the Lord forever.

Mangas and Animes

ive noticed a similar trend in japanese mangas..somehow the main character has always some form of ideal and values that he/she will go all out for, and are arent afraid to die while achieving that dream.

i tink god is trying to tell me something here. haha.

Warm Chocolate and a Good Book

One day I hope I can migrate to a faraway country that experiences the four seasons, so I can get the feeling of sitting by a fireplace in the winter, with a mug of warm chocolate and a good book.

Oh yes, met up with DWCG again after eons and we finally got another updated picture. Harry's gone off church planting, I wonder who will be missing next. One down, nine to go :)

Pwned

What a difference a day makes.

Reading my MSN history killed me. Kanna pwned.

Reflections

OK I must do my reflections now, think I've procrastinated long enough, and if I don't do it this year, I will be kicking myself in 2010 and cursing my laziness..

Also, part of the reason why I'm only doing reflections in February was because I think I should count my actual end of year 2008 to be in January 2009 instead, because I closed one chapter that started from last year only in January this year..so this also consists of my reflections and learnings that I brought over to 2009..

Actually this whole reflections thing is largely for my own records and for my closer frens and leaders who want to know how my year has been..so if you arent really interested, you can like, click on some of friends links on the right and continue, erm, blog surfing. haha.

To start off, I made a crucial mistake last year when I didn't set the annual learning point which I've been setting consistently for the past past 2 years. This resulted in me having a very unclear and directionless year and sadly, I think I was just drifting around in adults while trying to find my identity in Christ. So, learning from my lesson, this is my learning point for year 2009:

To Grow In Self Control

I'm already beginning to see God moulding me in this aspect, because there are so many things going on in my life and I just wana give in to all the temptations ahhhh!! But no! For 2009, I must most definitely grow in my self control so, please pray for me!!

Moving onto reflections, its kinda sad that I don't really recall what's been happening for the first half of 2008, which goes to show how little time I've devoted to church and my ministry..I think this was the year where I assimilated myself more with the Adults culture, and somehow, I got a bit disillusioned and discouraged with the environment that I had been thrown into..And somehow, the world seem like a much, much more enjoyable place to be in..

In a nutshell, I struggled a lot with what in the world am I doing in Hope and what exactly is a life following Jesus supposed to mean..how come the rest of the world are striving for money, getting drunk, getting attached and just literally enjoying their life, while I had to struggle with so many moral issues with even just the thought of letting myself loose for a while..I was an empty shell in church, my spirit had left Hope..

So I went out to the world and took a look..I didn't participate, I was just an onlooker..I listened to my colleagues, friends and acquintances on how they lived their lives..I asked them several questions abt their views on money, relationship, death, life and God..and I came to this one conclusion:

The Christian life is not at all easy to live, but it is the only life worth living.

So I got past this hurdle, and I was glad..because now I know, I'm not serving the church, I'm serving God..and Hope is the avenue in which I was placed, and where I know I can serve God to my fullest extent..and so, I stayed on in Hope..because after all, this is where I grew up and where I learnt what it meant to live with a purpose :)

But as you all know, God works in mysterious ways..It wasnt long after I got past this struggle, that I encountered another..and I think God used this incident to drill my new found conviction deeper into me, where I hope that it is now firmly etched in my heart, and never to be taken away from me again..

I can't really say much of the details, but I can say what I did go through..and its a hell lot..

• I experienced the binding power that falls upon you and suck away ur r/s with God when human beings try to hide what is wrong
• I learnt who my true friends were, to differentiate those whom stuck to me when I had to go thru some of the worst heart pains in my life from those who, maybe, simply didnt care
• I felt what it was like to hurt a friend, and it ate so much into my very being that I just sat down in total disgust marvelling at what I was capable of doing
• I finally understood how basic biblical principles such as accounting are never meant to punish, but to help the person who is doing the accounting
• I am fully aware now of how it feels like to have God's presence withdrawn from me, and it is something that I never ever wanted to experience ever again, not for the sake of anything in this world
• I really, really detest living a double life

I decided to close this chapter of my life sometime in January, but the effects and consequences of sin isnt so merciful..thats the whole deal abt sin you know..it doesnt really hurt at that point in time when you are doing it, but it will destroy you slowly, bit by bit, and for a prolonged period after the act of embarking on that sin..

I did learn many things too!

• God is faithful :)
• God is loving
• God is full of grace and mercy
• The Lord is my healer
• The Lord restores me
• I am who I am - this is me. All the wackiness, my personality and my character, my thoughts and emotions, my values, my convictions and my honesty, this is how God created me. And this is the Jinqi that He loves.
• Maturity does not depend on age, it depends on what you do when thrown into a bad situation

Ok, before my eyes fail me, I better do my thanksgiving for the year. Lets make it short and sweet!

1) God
For loving one as ragged as me. For putting our relationship on the line, risking the notion that I might give you up just so that I can learn to love you better. For your faith in me, and for your healing balm and comforting words. I love you :)

2) Jasmine Loh Huey Voon
Seriously, I cannot tell you how much I appreciate you in my life. Thank you friend, for EVERYTHING. Thanks for your support, your love, your words, your anger, your openess, your time and your presence.

3) Daniel, Pris, Tamar, Gerald, Eelee
Because I know being my leader is not easy HAHA.

4) Wynnie, Ruizhen and Elise
I will make more effort to grow these relationships, I promise!

5) NG1B2
My family in Adults hahaa..Eh, lets strive to know God deeper in our lives! I hope we move from always having fun to always having biblical fun in caregroups. Trust me, the difference is immense, and biblical fun just rocks my socks!

6) DWCG, Y-Budd and Jackies
I love spending time with you guys. You peeps light up my life!

7) Peeps at iGlobal
I think my job here is a huge blessing from God, and the people inside are simply wonderful and make work so much less stressful. And I really wana thank God for allowing me to work with Mr Lee in office. Man! This is a huge thanksgiving point haha. So different when Mr Lee is around to make me laugh, and you give me great advice in my problems! I dunno whether I told you this before but, you are one person who taught me a lot about handling my emotions. Im praying for you!! Come to know God better ok!

8) Youth - My JC and high school peeps
I will never forget all you guys and gurls. Each one of you lit up my life, and I will treasure those memories forever.

Ok, my eyelids are struggling against my will to meet one another and block out light from my pupils..sleep time!

Oh yes, Gerald. You asked me several times whether I regretted coming to Adults, and if given another choice, would I have chosen to stay in Youth. I love Youth a lot thats true, but if I didn't come over, I wouldnt have known what it is like to serve God from my own free will. Youth was part of my life, a wonderful one, but so is Adults. I never regretted at all. After all, I am still serving the same God.

Year 2008 was, hmmmmm, my brain juices are not working..How about I just end with, year 2009 is going to be so so different. God, please take me on an adventure again :)

I Must Stop Procrastinating

Yes, I am going to keep to the above mentioned title.

Reflections tonight!

On the Flipside

Ripped from BK's blog.

Sometimes we tend to ask God, why me? Why must this happen to me? And mostly, we think we hear no answer from God.

So, next time something happens, this is how God is answering you. Hope it helps! :)

Dear Child,

If you never felt pain,
Then how would you know that I am a Healer?

If you never had to pray,
How would you know that I am a Deliverer?

If you never had a trial,
How could you call yourself an overcomer?

If you never felt sadness,
How would you know that I am a Comforter?

If you never made a mistake,
How would you know that I am a forgiver?

If you knew all,
How would you know that I will answer your questions?

If you never were in trouble,
How would you know that I will come to your rescue

If you never were broken,
Then how would you know that I can make you whole?

If you never had a problem,
How would you know that I can solve them?

If you never had any suffering,
Then how would you know what I went through?

If you never went through the fire,
Then how would you become pure?

If I gave you all things,
How would you appreciate them?

If I never corrected you,
How would you know that I love you?

If you had all power,
Then how would you learn to depend on me?

If your life was perfect,
Then what would you need me for?

Love,
God

Just Give Me Jesus

Hiding and Sin are inseparable, just like how Siamese twins were created to be. You can try taking them apart, but they came from the same source, they were born together, breathed in their first breath together, and tho separated, will always be together..

Have been reading Judges on how the Israelites were prostituting themselves to foreign gods and only when the oppression from their enemies gets too hard to bear, will they finally call out to God and ask Him to deliver them.

And this verse touched me so:
And he could bear Israel's misery no longer.
Judges 10:16b

And it suddenly struck me how human God actually is. How He hurts when we hurt, cries when we cry, laugh when we laugh, and burn with anger for us when we are are bullied.

Truth be told, as I stared at this space, I wanted to blog abt how I thought that my r/s with God was a-ok, but the recent happenings made me realise that my r/s was not as ok as I thought, that my r/s with God was not strong at all, and end this post by stating how God humbled me and broke me and now my r/s with Him is so much better.

But that's a lie.

Well, not a total one, but it's still a lie. Because, my relationship with God was very deep, and already very intimate even before everything that has happened in the past few months. I didn't just know it in my head that God loves me and I love Him. I knew it in my soul that God loves me and I was his Little Miss Favoured.

Although I was tempted to veer off course several times, and yes I do admit I toyed with the notion of being rebellious at some point in my 6 years of Christian life, yet, I can say, my heart was undivided towards God. Even when I talked about Vanness and how much I love him, and about all the other guy troubles or grp troubles and as such, there was only one person whom I was dedicated and committed to deep down in my heart - and that was my Great and Tender Saviour.

I have never been able to commit to a single person, much less a group or an insititution and hence, when I celebrated my 5th bday in the Christian terms, I was very much surprised at how I am still, simply, in church. There has to be something about God that has captivated my restless spirit and hasnt let go yet :)

When I cried, God told me He will keep every single tear in jars and next time when I am in Heaven, He will show them to me.

I told God how I love the people around me, and He told me that in Heaven I can have a picnic with all these people whom I love for eternity, and time will never end.

When I felt lonely, God took my right hand and whispered "I Love You" into my ears.

At times when I sat down on my bed, and missed God, He sits down besides me and says, "So, you finally thought of me today" And then I will break down and cry, and tell Him that I'm sorry for neglecting Him today.

As I drooled over the hunks in taiwan dramas and wished that I had someone so romantic for my future husband, God is sitting right next to me, playfully teasing me for my superficialness and I retorting that this was how He created me.

When I sing songs of worship and praise in church, I tell him that I would like to go to our secret place, and He will transport me there while I, sometimes shyly, declare my love for Him.

I always knew God was with me, and that He loves me, and that is why, I dun really care, and have never cared, how the world looks at me, because I know everything will be alright.

I have so many memories with God, how could I diminish our relationship just because I wanted something better to blog about?! So disgusted with myself.

And this closeness I had with God is also the reason why I find it so hard to forgive myself for the hurts that I've bring to Him by prostituting myself to foreign gods. I let my heart be divided. After tasting the abundance of God, I've also had the chance to be exposed to the lack of God when I chose to do something against His will.

And I HATED it.

I detested, loathed, and burn with hatred when I realised I had simply given away the intimacy that I've shared with Him. And it was all for a stupid reason! How I've cheapen myself and brought hurts to Him. And in the process, I've hurt the people whom are close to me as well.

But thank God, true to His nature, when I cried out to Him to save me from my distress, He heard my cries, and He could bear my misery no longer. And so He saved me out of it. But that was not enough, even right now, God is patching up my brokenness, and healing me when I dun deserve it. He's restoring my friendship with one of my most treasured friend and I can't do anything to help Him. All I can do, is to let God be God.

How helpless we human beings are.

And like every story, we all must have an ending. And here comes my ending:

Very Preety Jinqi came running back to her beloved God, and they were closer than when they first started out. So, in a weird way, she's preety thankful for everything that has happened.

I don't care what riches you can offer me, I don't care what other forms of love you can provide. I don't even care if you give me control of the world.

All I want, is Jesus.

Contentment of Being Loved

Here ends another day during which I have had eyes, ears, hands, and the great world around me, and tomorrow begins another. Why am I allowed two?

-G.K. Chesterton

True gratitude means coming to see that everything is a gift, and lift the greatest gift of all.

:)

Birds of the same feather flock together

Isn't that very true? We influence one another, whether we like it or not, whether we are conscious of it or not, whether we are even aware of it, we influence one another as we spend time and interact with one another.

The more time you hang out with someone, you will realise either of these 2 things:

1) You are really similar and hence you hang out more

2) You realise your differences and if two of you are unable to compromise, you just dun hang out so much anymore

And isn't the reverse true as well?

Have you ever had really best friends in pri or sec sch, but overtime, because of the lack of frequency of meeting and the lack of effort being planted in the frenship, the both of you just drift further day by day. 

Isn't it the same with God?

I want to be in the same flock of people who love God, and so, I start reading their blogs, start interacting with them more, and start talking about the love of God in our lives. If you just hang around negative people, you become more negative over time. But if you hang ard positive people, one day, you realise you've become more positive and even joyful as well. 

The point is, I've been reading Pastor Perry Noble's blog, and here are a few things I would like to share with you, all ripped from his blog..I hope you will be blessed as I have been :)

Pastor Perry Noble's insights:

#1 - There is not a formula for growing a church

#2 - I should spend less time focusing on being "right" and more time focusing on being faithful

#3 - Those who you think will always be with you won't always be with you

#4 - I don't always have the best ideas

#5 - God loves His church WAY more than I do 

#6 - People will always misunderstand you..don't waste a lot of time trying to explain yourself.

#7 - Excellence cannot be compromised just because you don't want to hurt someone else's feelings

Bonus - The fights, the sleepless nights, the critics, the spiritual warfare, the long meetings, the frustration..IT'S ALL WORTH IT! When lives get changed..it's worth it. When hell becomes less crowded..it's worth it. When repentance takes place..it's worth it! When marriages are restored..it's worth it. IT IS SO WORTH everything we go through! SO..don't EVER give up! Ever!!