this is my newest family member!!..meet Mr Spikes!!..isnt he so cool?..i bet he's from mexico..maybe texas!!..woo-hoo!!..

ruisi claire mi choonyee choonmin 

yoyoyo

i wana go jb camp i wana go jb camp i wana go jb camp i wana go jb camp i wana go jb camp i wana go jb camp i wana go jb camp!!..praying hard praying hard!!..pls pray for mi too!!

ps:if a ms nicole au chiok yan is reading this..you are NVR on msn!!..you better send mi an e-mail soon!!

oreos dunk in milk

today was a very very happy happy day for mi!!..its weird but whenever i go to church..i always go home happy..filled with joy and a sense of happiness that you cant comprehand..a peace that few understands..do you understand?..

svs today was really great..first mi and shuyi met to go buy some vouchers for pastor jeff and claudia..den we went to starhub to meet cathy for erm..'make-up' caregroup..hahah..well..it had only the 3 of us soo..anyways..cathy had to go for her holy com ministy so we ended up in fat mamas with xiuhui and rui xia..and den..mat mat brought one of his frens janice to meet us and..janice's our new sista!!!..cool!!!..oh btw..irritaing finally has a new meaning..and tt is matthew..yes!!..irritating=matthew!!..muhahahah..

our church praise has taken on a new approach..sumwhere between punk-rock and pop..some songs were like the songs of nirvana..quite..erm..head-banging?..wellz..i miss the older songs you know..like one way..shout of the king and songs like tt..haha..now we are singing songs like tell the world..im not saying that its not great budden still like the older songs..hahah..esp one way!!..and i feel tt sermon was fantabulous!!..and i agree wid wat pastor jeff said..to be committed to the church..to give wat we can and more..and that if one wans to be a saturday christian..go join some other churches and cock up their visions..one life to lead..i dun wana waste it by spending time on ppl who dun care..its cool seeing ppl coming to know god..to see transformed lives and how much a person can actually grow..but it totally sucks to see some ppl who haf tasted god's goodness and yet still chooses to go against it and bring others down along..but seriously..if god can change mi to be sooo convicted tt he is alive and real and living in mi..i dun see who else cant be convinced!!..serious!!..i tink ppl get too caught up on worldly material stuff tt they can forget their first true love..the lure and charm of the world is soo great..i shld know..i fell for it once too..

anyways it was totally mad after svs..i dunno..i tink its juz mi..im juz on the look-out for fun!!..it juz happens naturally..i mean..when else do i haf the chance to go ard toking to so many ppl at one go?!..to build relationships with so many ppl?and ppl of different cg and unit as well!!..doesnt make sense for mi to juz sit there after svs and do nothing..I JUZ LOVE MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS!!..god is so prominenet here because of his love..hahahah..hmmm..maybe im juz too fun-loving?..

ok i went off track again..wat i wanted to say is that after svs..mi ruis choonmin choonyee and claire went out to heerens to take neo-print!!..and it was very nice!!..we were really crazy lah..juz kept laughing and stuff..i ll post the neoprints for you guys to see.hahah..den went to long john at cine to eat..and toked and crapped till like 9?..before i went bcak to starhub to find jency and go home..gosh..terribly tired nw..juz wana take out my contacts and hgo to slp straight away..i tink all the laughing made mi tired..was laughing all da way back home with the west ppl too..

found out sumthing unexpected today..mi and claire haf sooo many things in common!!!?..omg!?!?..so many things (and ppl) we like..lemme see..hideaki takizawa, strawberry hot man!!..weird thing tt keeps shaking its head..gackt..so much!!..we were like.."ohhh!!!he is juz sooo hot!!..can eat him up alive!!..slurp!!"..wahahha..it was hilarious manz!!..claire you go gurl!!..mi and you haf great taste!!..lets do this another day yeah!!..hahaha..

tired tired..gonna slp..cathy..dun give up yeah!!..dun harden ur heart..i ll always be here if you wana tok and juz complain yeah!!..muacks gurl!!..

sick

im terribly irritatingly sickeningly horribly disgustingly sick!!..since sunday!!..since CL camp!!..its tues evening now and my nose is still producing the transparent gooey stuff called mucus and refuses to stop!!..i haf used one whole box of tissues and tts how many?..lets see..royal premium tissues-softer and better absorbance 200 pulls/2 ply..200 pieces of freaking tissues tts supposed to be of better absorbance!!..this is definately not working..where do my nose gets the materials from my body to produce the mucus anyway?..if i ever find the organ tt provides my nose with this stuff..i ll immediately haf surgery to remove it and den mash it up and throw it away!!..gosh this is killing mi!!..and you know where all the excess mucus is stored?..all ard my eyes!!..making my eyes tear and so fricking itchy!!..i tired of putting up with fake sneezes tt nvr come and stand in queue so tt they all come out together a few hrs later!!..my voice has decided tt after 18 yrs of work..its time for a vacation and i dunno when it ll be coming back!!..it has decided to let its cousin who happens to be a guy take its place instead!!..voice!!..pls pls come back!!..i miss you soooo much!!..pls pray for mi..

late late late

gosh i haven blogged for sooo long..days past by like a flash and time doesnt wait for you at all..been wanting to blog since like 5 days ago?..boy am i lazy..

anyways..nicole went back to hong kong today le!!..so sad!!..its so sudden..so w/o warning tt it totally shocked every single one of us..yesterday we had a farewell party for her..a bittersweet parting if i may put it in such words..i totally love you gurl..you ll remain my SB for life and after life too..hehhe..remain strong in god k..rmb everything happens for a reason and do ur best there in hk..you know tt god ll be watching out for you so you dun need to haf any worries at all..juz believe and haf faith..i miss you already!!..sorry i couldnt go to send you off today!!..you muz come back singapore k or i ll go to hk and scold you manz..heh..

wellz today is also the day tt my maid went back to indo for 3 weeks..so i haf to be a housewife for 3 weeks..damn!!..i hate this leh!!..tt means aft my work i haf to go home immd to fetch my sis from her school..ok this worries mi a bit cos im thinking of how to haf shepherding and cg..sighs sighs..muz discuss this with shuyi..

ok from here on ll be some random rumblings so if you want to like switch off..its totally fine with mi..

i juz went for the spring care leaders refresher camp durin the weekends..was supposed to be a 2 day 1 night stay but as usual..i cant stay cos of my parents..crap..and i didnt even went for the 2nd day la..i was sick!!..and really cranky..being sick totally sucks..and guess wats greater!?..my mom chose to use this day(when im really sick and cranky) to come to mi with one of her urm.."open-hearted" toks..great choice mom..she always does tt!!..and all this toks is only she toking anyway..like i nvr get to say anything!?..so i decided to ignore her and guys..this is not a good way to treat ur parents..she juz kept going on and on and on and i wanted to scream at her tt its my life and you shld juz stay away!!..im nineteen already for god's sake!!..but thank god i didnt do tt..in the past i would haf done tt but nah..not now..i was so pissed off after she finished tt i locked myself in my room and screamed..damn sumtimes i really hate my parents!!..like seriously hate them!!..AHHHHH..i juz pray tt they become christians soon so that my horrible lifestyle ll end!!..so you see..i had a super bad day today..

god you always tell mi to haf patience with them..to look at them thru ur eyes..tt they are my parents..authority over mi tt you haf given to mi..and tt if i persevere..they ll be saved too..but god..its juz so damn difficult!!!..you know..their reasons totally make no sense to mi..i tink it makes no sense to themselves as well..lemme give you an eg ok..they say tt they give mi all their blessings to go to church and all the camps and workshops and stuff..but tt i juz cant stay overnight..so i ask them y..and they say because we are ur parents..den unable to hold it anymore..i told her..im sure you urself dunno the reason y..does it make even the slightest bit of sense?!.NO!!..how how how?..how to haf patience with them?..jesus from this i realised tt you are really really great..i cant believe tt you tolerated all those midgits who made fun of you and crucified you..how did you do it?!..amazing!!..

anyways i haf come to a realisation tt i ll not keep quiet bout god anymore..like i used to keep silent when my parents or close frens ask mi bout church stuff..but i tink tt by like not saying anything makes them tink tt i do not know anything bout my life and tt i juz go there for fun..nah nah..i dun juz go there for fun..i know who i am now..i know wats my purpose in life and i chose this purpose..so i ll do it and speak aloud..i dun wan ppl to tink tt i dunno anything bout my life or tt cos im still a teenager so im very blur and hence was easily influenced to go to church..no way man..i found my identity..and my life is meaningful now..and i ll say tt..no more keeping quiet le..hmmmm..this is gonna be scary but..come on god is with mi!!..no fear!!..heh..

guys(as in like the opposite gender) are really weird..they can be good frens one min and the nxt..they totally ignore you..huh!?!?..you nvr know wat they are tinking!!..at first they appear normal..as usual..their individual character..but when sumthing else happens they switch off..strange strange strange!!..i nvr ll know wat they are tinking!!..tts y guys + girls can nvr be really good frens..oh well..it may be possible if the guy is a lil girly..wahahhah..

im really sick now..my nose is like a tap tt is spoilt!!..it doesnt stop dripping!!..crap!!..and i feel like sneezing the whole time!!.how am i supposed to go to work!?..i wana take mc!!!..and my eyes keep tearing cos of this flu..and i got a bad sore throat!!..its pain and rough at the same time..and when i haf sore throat..it means tt im in danger of having asthma as well!!..AHHH..help!!..this seriously sux!!..

gosh i hope i can go for jb camp..pls god pls!!..let my parents allow mi to go!!..i wana go for camp!!..its fun and where ppl get refreshed!!..and i paid already!!..pls lemme go!!..

ok i cant tink of anything else to say..and i haven blogged bout the time i went pulau ubin!!..read the nxt entry for tt bit..byez!!

now wat?

god sumtimes i wish i werent so lazy..den i can accomplish more things..den i can start to really plan out my life..den i wouldnt slack my life away!!..den maybe i could be leading a much more fruitful life den now..

im like such a failure..praying w/o faith has no use..but im juz too lazy!!..hmmmm..maybe i wasnt cut out for such stuff..nah..tts juz tt stupid guy putting weird tots in my head again..doesnt he ever take a break?..gosh..

come on god..i need ur help!!..pls pls pls do sumthing to help mi change my slacker's lifrstyle yeah!!..i cant stand myself anymore..sighs..

im weird!!

You Are 50% Normal (Somewhat Normal)

While some of your behavior is quite normal... Other things you do are downright strange You've got a little of your freak going on But you mostly keep your weirdness to yourself

it takes two hands to clap

i tink im like the most lousiest christian on the face of this earth..most ppl usually tink tt as leaders..we dun go thru any trials or temptations..they we are forever happy-go-lucky and tt we ll always always haf success in our ministry..or tt even if we do go thru these..we breeze thru them easily cos we are leaders and juz because we haf much more perseverance and are more spiritual..hey i dun blame you..i used to tink like this too when i was a new believer in Hope..i always believed with my very heart and soul tt i ll nvr ever be a leader cos i juz dun haf the makings and tt im juz not spiriual enuf..come on mi?!..no way!!

well here im gonna tell you the truth abt all leaders and tt we are humans too..(to someone:sorry to burst ur lil bubble gurl)..i tink tt leaders are sooo misunderstood..i know i haf gone thru a lot of temptations and i know of other leaders who haf gone thru similar stuff..i realised tt being a leader doesnt gurantee tt you would stay in church forever and continue to serve god..tt stupid satan wun stop lying to us and gaining his foothold so as to pull us down..i tink tt we go thru much more emotional struggles than many think..

i mean..tink of it..as leaders you take care of ppl ritez..you look after them as their spiritual mentor..you guide them care for them and challenge them..do you get paid for this?..not on earth tts for sure..and you meet ppl who dun wan to be looked after..they tink tt they can survive on their own..and they turn their backs to you and slap away ur arm of frenship..come on man..i dun owe you anything..it doesnt make sense does it?..to give away so much of your life..your time and efforts to help ppl who may not wan ur help..you sincerely want to help them but they juz walk away..

and it also doesnt make sense tt you haf to sacrifice sooo much in order to be god's leader..you cant haf 'worldly' fun anymore if you know wat i mean..i like fun..seriously i love fun..especially bad fun..but you dun do it anymore cos now you know tt you a christian and as a leader..you haf to set an example for your ppl..god says tt you shld lead a blameless life so tt no one can find fault with you..no..it doesnt make sense at all..

see..being a leader isnt all fun..it gets depressing at times..when you suffer from sheep bite or when you see ppl wandering away..or when you do sooo much for your grp tt you feel like you dun haf much time for urself anymore..sumtimes you become so tired that you feel like giving up everything..to juz walk away and let someone else to come do the job for you..sumtimes you juz tell god tt he chose the wrong person and you juz aint cut out for the job..yes it gets tiring..and it all doesnt make sense when you juz give and give and give..

but when you put god's word into the picture..suddenly everything makes sense..the picture isnt complete until you find the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle..i tink back to the times when i was without god..and it totally sucked..i tot of the time when i juz threw away everything and walked away from the church..the sorrow and pain i had given to all my leaders and my dear shepherd..yes i haf done this before..and i can do it again..but no..i wun..cos im grateful to my lord..for the joy and peace tt he haf given to mi..how he helped mi to be who i am now..wat matters to god also matters to mi..and ppl matters..no matter how sucky or how much they hurt you..they still matter to god..and hence..ppl matter to mi..

really really am grateful to him for putting ppl in my life to guide mi..when i was going thru this..if it werent for them..you wouldnt see mi in Hope anymore..i heard this today.."what i haf in god is better than wat i dun haf in life"..think bout it..the world is fun..its fricking fun!!..but there's only one word to describe giving ur life to Him..meaningful..and tts all tt matters when we are resting on our bed..breathing in our last breath rite??..

so nxt time if you haf tots such as i cant be a leader cos you're not good enuf..or you tink tt leaders dun understand ur predicament cos we are sooo much more spiritual..pls stop..you are soo wrong..

waiting

i have been waiting for you for days!!..i cant wait to hear from you again..this is stupid!!..why do i keep tinking of you?!..theres no point in this!!..am i too immature?..am i too childish?..wats wrong wid mi?..i cant haf you..but i cant stop my stupid brain from wandering to the times we had..to the things we said..to the times when we feel so amazed tt we haf such a relationship between us..oh my god!!..you are constantly in my mind..its driving mi crazee!!

i cant stop reminising the things you loved to say..the phrases that you always used..to the times when u laughed at mi..and times when you laughed with mi..u came into my life..and you left too soon..you lifted mi up..but i feel miserable now..i really really miss you..when can we see each other again?..when can we tok face to face once more?..5 yrs?..10 yrs?..nvr?..y did god put you into my life and took you away so fast?..i miss you..

i miss the days we toked when we were bored..i miss the times when i didnt know wat they were saying..i miss the times when they brag abt their achievements..i miss the times when they flirted ard..i miss the days when they would find all sorts of chances to slack..i miss the lunches and dinners..i miss their jokes and smiles..i miss how they commented on mi, the way i dress and how i looked..i miss them!!..

this is stupid..i shld put them all behind mi..oh well..back to reality..

thank you lord for wat you said to mi today..and for the wonderful ppl tt u haf put in my life..i wun give up..not yet anyway..go back to hell satan..

parents sux

im nineteen years old already and my parents treat mi like a small kid!!..im fed up with this..wats their problem man?!..excuse mi!?!??!..i know how to choose my own frens and i know whom to go out wid!!..you havent met my frens before so you cannot judge!!..how do you know who's dangerous and who's not!?..oh puleezzee!!..lemme make my own choices can?!!?..you two make mi sick!!..tooooo overprotective!!..its sickening!!..

you always want openess in communication!!..hahahh!!..dun fool urself!!..you make us lie to you!!..cos of ur protectiveness!!..its horrible!!..its terrible!!..i cant stand it anymore!!..which 19 yr old has to reach home by a sad sad time of 10.30?!?!..wat time do you reach hm when you were my age?!?!?!..you were together at such a young age!!..how can you judge?!..how did u know you were the rite one for each other?!..how do you know?!?..

im sick of it!!..utterly sick of it!!..no more openess!!..it doesnt work..doesnt work at all!!..i cant wait till im totally free of ur crutches!!..hate you guys!!..