it takes two hands to clap

i tink im like the most lousiest christian on the face of this earth..most ppl usually tink tt as leaders..we dun go thru any trials or temptations..they we are forever happy-go-lucky and tt we ll always always haf success in our ministry..or tt even if we do go thru these..we breeze thru them easily cos we are leaders and juz because we haf much more perseverance and are more spiritual..hey i dun blame you..i used to tink like this too when i was a new believer in Hope..i always believed with my very heart and soul tt i ll nvr ever be a leader cos i juz dun haf the makings and tt im juz not spiriual enuf..come on mi?!..no way!!

well here im gonna tell you the truth abt all leaders and tt we are humans too..(to someone:sorry to burst ur lil bubble gurl)..i tink tt leaders are sooo misunderstood..i know i haf gone thru a lot of temptations and i know of other leaders who haf gone thru similar stuff..i realised tt being a leader doesnt gurantee tt you would stay in church forever and continue to serve god..tt stupid satan wun stop lying to us and gaining his foothold so as to pull us down..i tink tt we go thru much more emotional struggles than many think..

i mean..tink of it..as leaders you take care of ppl ritez..you look after them as their spiritual mentor..you guide them care for them and challenge them..do you get paid for this?..not on earth tts for sure..and you meet ppl who dun wan to be looked after..they tink tt they can survive on their own..and they turn their backs to you and slap away ur arm of frenship..come on man..i dun owe you anything..it doesnt make sense does it?..to give away so much of your life..your time and efforts to help ppl who may not wan ur help..you sincerely want to help them but they juz walk away..

and it also doesnt make sense tt you haf to sacrifice sooo much in order to be god's leader..you cant haf 'worldly' fun anymore if you know wat i mean..i like fun..seriously i love fun..especially bad fun..but you dun do it anymore cos now you know tt you a christian and as a leader..you haf to set an example for your ppl..god says tt you shld lead a blameless life so tt no one can find fault with you..no..it doesnt make sense at all..

see..being a leader isnt all fun..it gets depressing at times..when you suffer from sheep bite or when you see ppl wandering away..or when you do sooo much for your grp tt you feel like you dun haf much time for urself anymore..sumtimes you become so tired that you feel like giving up everything..to juz walk away and let someone else to come do the job for you..sumtimes you juz tell god tt he chose the wrong person and you juz aint cut out for the job..yes it gets tiring..and it all doesnt make sense when you juz give and give and give..

but when you put god's word into the picture..suddenly everything makes sense..the picture isnt complete until you find the last piece of the jigsaw puzzle..i tink back to the times when i was without god..and it totally sucked..i tot of the time when i juz threw away everything and walked away from the church..the sorrow and pain i had given to all my leaders and my dear shepherd..yes i haf done this before..and i can do it again..but no..i wun..cos im grateful to my lord..for the joy and peace tt he haf given to mi..how he helped mi to be who i am now..wat matters to god also matters to mi..and ppl matters..no matter how sucky or how much they hurt you..they still matter to god..and hence..ppl matter to mi..

really really am grateful to him for putting ppl in my life to guide mi..when i was going thru this..if it werent for them..you wouldnt see mi in Hope anymore..i heard this today.."what i haf in god is better than wat i dun haf in life"..think bout it..the world is fun..its fricking fun!!..but there's only one word to describe giving ur life to Him..meaningful..and tts all tt matters when we are resting on our bed..breathing in our last breath rite??..

so nxt time if you haf tots such as i cant be a leader cos you're not good enuf..or you tink tt leaders dun understand ur predicament cos we are sooo much more spiritual..pls stop..you are soo wrong..