Love

I love You, Lord, because you never shortchange, forget nor forsake me.

Even when the Israelites keep turning to other gods, you never forsook
them. You waited patiently and sent Judge after Judge to save them.

So I know you will wait patiently for mi. And I'll wait patiently for
you to heal me, replace him in my life, and bring me up to be a better
child of yours.

Come with me

"Come with me", you said. And you stretched out your right hand and
look at me expectantly.

And I, ashamedly, look at your outstretched hand, n hesistated.

"Come with me", you repeated. "Come with me" you said again.

And finally, "Yes"

*Sent from my iPhone

A choice

Reading Joshua, and constantly reminded that I have had no part to
play in how far I've come.

even for the israelites, tho yes they did go to war and killed some
men, but the lord killed more enemies thru hailstones, hornets, fires
etc. How majestic is the Lord, that he fights for us.

Life has not been going all too well I admit. Feeling lethargic due to
a lack of concrete vision, hence not knowing where to invest my energy
into.

I don't want to keep falling into this deep hole of shit, getting
deeper till I lose control of my own inhibitions.

I hope it's not too late. At least I can still control them, somewhat.

Lord, what do u want mi to do?

On a random note, I felt like a fangirl watching Big Bang performing
yesterday. Man they are such good performers.

*Sent from my iPhone

Angry

yeah..that's the word. I feel really angry. Angry at the way I am
ignored.

Some friends they call themselves. When I need them, where are they?

*Sent from my iPhone

Overwhelmed

Suddenly gripped with a torrent of emotions..caught unaware and thrown
into a state of emotional typhoon.

what is life meant to be? what is work meant to be? why am I so afraid
of work tml? why do I feel like the mountain of workload is going to
devour me when i sit at my desk tml?

is there more to life than life? where's the excitement, passion and
love that the world proclaims? how come that the only ever perfect
portrayal of fulfillment happens only in movies but never in reality?

as I grow older, I start to understand more of my helplessness..I
start to see how we can never work to find contentment..that the only
true contentment comes from knowing Jesus the Lord.

how much I fear for my loved ones and closest friends who still
refuses to accept God..what if I perish tml and they are still not
saved? will the Lord have mercy on them? How do I make them understand
the urgency and anxiety I feel for them? How do I make them understand
how much I love them?

As I type these, my vision gets blurer..and I realise how long I have
not had release. I am sure the devil used my new work, my new found
busyness to keep my emotions compressed, contained within myself..so
much such that I can combust from within..

I'm thankful for this little space..it's where I can pen down all
these doubts and thoughts so I can clear my mind once more.

And now I'm starting to get a tad anxious. Father, give mi a vision,
lemme know Your calling. For your smile is my greatest comfort. Your
rewards, my greatest motivation.

Help mi Lord, as I face my work tml.

Lazing

Lazing ard, letting my thoughts run wild.

I guess it's not a good thing. Better wash up and go talk to God.

*Sent from my iPhone

Be kind to your servant

Lord I know I'm not the best servant..I skive at times and even tink
of quitting.

But Lord, please be kind to me and let me get attached before he does.

Thank you.

*Sent from my iPhone

When wisdom comes with age

I used to really disliked it, loathed it even, when older people
looked at me and said, "You'll understand when you grow older."

I hated that statement.

But now I look upon some younger ones, those bursting with life,
idealism and passion, and I understand what they mean.

I understand the older people didn't look down upon me as a small
child, but they looked upon me as someone who can do better than them,
but need a little reality check in life. I understand they view
themselves as a guide for mi, telling mi their precious life
experiences and mistakes so I can learn from them.

After so many years in the Adults Ministry, I've come to see how
childish I was. Yes, childish, not childlike, as I thought I was.

And now, I pray that I'll always always rmb to be humble, to not
interrupt when the elders are speaking, to not feel insulted by their
criticisims, because I know they only want the best for me.

It's true, you get wiser when you are older.

*Sent from my iPhone

Routines

It's tough being a Christ Follower..but I know that's the best way to
live.

Humbled. Father I am more aware of my need for You.

*Sent from my iPhone

The Cross

It's no secret that one of my favourite activities is sleeping..I need
a lot a lot of sleep. And I totally love sleeping.

But if I had never experienced being awake, being alive, I probably
wouldn't really understand how wonderful sleep is.

Isn't that life? Without highs, there wun be lows. Without failures,
there wouldn't be successes. Without law, we wouldn't need a Saviour.

Recently God's been repeating this same thing to me - The door God
shuts, no one can open. The door that God opens, no one can shut.

Perhaps He's referring to my work life, or perhaps to my love life, or
lack thereof a love life.

No matter what it is, I'll persevere till I see the good will He has
planned out for me, fulfilled.

Sparked to be back

wow wow wow..the last post was in June..right after I started work haha..work's been so busy that i've cut off this little space of release..perhaps thats why ive been pent up these few months.

there's only one word to sum up the new job - crazy.

i can never complete my work.

but that's another story for another day..because right now, I've been thinking about something..and about someone..i've kinda forget how it feels like..

this time, I'll be brave enough to pray.