rock on babe!!

went to may's church svs today..cos they had sum praise n worship day today..called jam for the lamb..2 solid hrs of praising and worshipping god!!..it was FANATASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!..oh my!!..juz let go of miself and sang at the top of mi voice..we jumped sand screamed shout went totally mad!!..was sweating n my whole body felt so alive..love god man!!..

it puzzles mi y i can express myself like tt in may's church but not in mine..i mean..in hope..i also feel this way..budden cannot express out..i tink its cos scared of how ppl c mi..but aft experincing wat i did today..who cares wat others tink man?..im juz gonna do watever i like in god's sight..juz worship him like how i feel like it..yeah man!!..

i so cant wait to go to KL..gonna go shopping!!..and we r forming a rock band..finding ppl now..budden still gotta learn guitar first..i gave myself 4 mths to learn..by hook or by crook..

sorry for not having a tagboard..gonna change the skin soon..wait a while longer..c my lao gong..hahah

exams r over!!

oh my gosh!!..i cant believe exams r over le!!..its like so fast lor..seems like only yesterday tt i was cramming my head for all the stupid papers..and now..im so free..feels wierd at first..but hey..im not complaining!!..haha..

hmmm..i got a whole list of things to do..gonna learn scuba diving..learn guitar and drums..learn jap..go church etc..so much things to do..but no money!!..i haf no more pocket money!!..haf to go work le..sian..really spoils the mood..budden..i tink i'll get pretty bored if im juz slacking at home for like 7 mths..hahah..anybody got lobang for job?

meisa's gonna go back indo soon..very sad..haiz..gonna miss u gurl..will spend wat time i can wid u for this 2 wks k..and u cant go w/o giving mi my bday present..hahha..gonna haunt u till u do so..

this sat aft dinner mi and matt planning games for the unit..hahah..we discussed it juz now and hohohohooh..gonna be real fun ppl!!..hahah..i really cant wait!!..

tired today

today was my chem and econs paper..had chem in the morning den econs in the afternoon..kept studying this whole day..feeling damn tired now..hhaha..i didnt know how to do the thermochem question!!..i'll never know how to do thermochem lor!!..its juz so difficult!!..and i forgot to study polymerisation and it came out..how suay am i man..oh well..its over now so there's no use crying over spilt milk anyway..dunno bout econs la..was the essay paper and i tink i managed to crap pretty well..but still couldnt finish the paper..haiz..

but kinda happy cos like today our papers r almost ending..we left 2 more days of paper..chem and econs..and after tt..we're free!!..hahah..had cg today too..at guan's house..so really tired now..tink im gonna slp le..tml going kap to study..haha..

hahah

guess wat..im back again..i tink im gonna fail my maths paper 2..from question 23 all da way to 27 i didnt know how to do or i got it wrong..hahah..altogether was like 20 30 marks already?..was so depressed tt i couldnt bring myself to say anything aft the exam..den while waiting for the bus wid may..i cried..i know how to do one leh..juz tt i for got all the formulas..or i got them mixed up..on A lvl i haf to forget the formulas!!..so pissed wid myself..im quite sad now..haiz..

but still, i know tt god still has a plan for mi and tt he can work miracles so.....but can i be upset for a while?..sob sob..i tink im gonna flunk this paper..and its gonna pull down my marks for the overall score..upset..and den im scared for econs too..i tink im gonna do real badly in there too..ok this is not good..

lets tok bout sumthing happier..im going taiwan!!..yeah!!..i've been wanting to go there for my whole life..ok im feeling a tad happier already..hahah..oh well..i dunno..my mind's quite comfused now..shall update u guys later..

sick

yest i saw this preview of nxt wk's true files which made mi sick..the episode would be abt a psychotic father torturing his 6 or 7 yr old son till the son died..oh my god!!..wat kind of man is he?..is he even human?..the poor boy didnt haf an inch of skin where he wasnt bruised or cut up..the father even dripped wax on him and i tink he cut off the boy's fingers!!..and he forbid the mother from going to the boy rescue..in the end the poor boy died!!..everytime he cried cos he was in pain..no one was there to comfort him..no one came to his rescue..form the time he came to this world..he nvr knew wat was love..he lived a life of fear and pain..when i saw tt..i couldnt help it and i cried pretty badly..i hated that father..i wish he'll burn in hell forever..which i tink that's wat he ll get..i kept asking god whether the boy was wid him now..whether he was ok and did he experience love now..every human being is god's creation..wat right haf an idiot misuse life like tt!!..oh man this is really hurting mi bad..i juz cant stop tinking bout the boy..haiz..

makes mi realise tt there r a lot of this abuse thing out there..where's the love man?..i really wana help every single one out there but wat can i do?..i can only do so much..wat a sad world we live in now..reminds mi of another incident where a grp of american soldiers were caught by the terrorist grps and bullets were pumped into their heads..and those guys were like only 20 sumthing years old..they showed no mercy and this masscare was to give a warning to the US govt..wats the point man?..i really dun understand..sooner or later they'll lose and they'll pay for the innocent lives that were lost..hahah..such a sad world aint it..

jesus..when r u coming back?

a lousy wk ahead

hey i tink this green font is really nice..tink im gonna use it for sum time..hahah..was studying today!!..again..okok..i haf one more wk!!..its gonna be over..i got 2 chem papers 1 major econs paper and 1 i-dunno-how-to-do maths paper!!..i really haf no idea how to study for econs.the essay paper..tts the paper tt im really scared abt..wat topics to study?..crap...

hey peeps guess wat..i finally finished reading the new testament..and revelation's one scary chapter!..its bout wat god's gonna do to the earth and men when he comes back..oh boy i really dun wana be there when it happens..and my heart really goes out to those whose names r not written in the book fo life..those days r horrible!!..now i know wats the meaning of living in fear of god..it really pushes u to reach out to more ppl..cos u really dun wana c them falling into eternal torture..i mean..can u really bear to c ur family members and close frens suffering?..i dun..so i haf to jia pei nu li!!..and by faith..mi and my family ll be there in heaven together!!..yeah!!..haha

the time is coming nearer for mi to experience hardships..cos the exams r gonna end and my parents r gonna try their very best to force mi to give up being a christian..altho not really looking forward to it..but as soon as this stage has passed..i can move on to the stage of reaching out to them..really sorry tamar!!..i guess u r gonna get earfuls from my dad for quite sum time..

i found this new game in newgrounds..quite fun..hhahah..gonna play now!!..hey..i need to rest too!!

evrything's fine

thank god thank god..i tink everything's fine now!!..im really glad and relieved..ok i learnt my lesson..i'll tame my tongue and i'll love everyone no matter wat..

today's sermon was all bout love..shepherding was abt love..even qt was abt love..hmm..i tink god wants to send mi a msg..hahah..i believe its tt i feel as if my love for ppl haf dried up..in the sense tt i dun express out my love anymore..luckily i know this now..this means i haf to change..heh..

thank god!!..ur wonderful!!..

sumthing stupid

im juz plain stupid!!..sumtimes i really hate myself!!..i juz created a big mess between mi and my frens!!..boy if i kept my big mouth shut all this wouldnt haf happened!!..i shuld haf chosen a better time to deal wid this!!..oh my god!!..can u pls shut mi up nxt time!!?!..i really learnt my lesson!!..im never ever gonna speak w/o letting things go thru my big small left and right brain again...crap i hate myself!!

wats done is done..im in big trouble..in the middle of losing 2 good frens and also blowing their frenship away!!..i feel sooooooooooo bad!!..will this dust ever settle?..will we go back to being frens?..will we be stronger than before or will there be non-repairable cracks in our frenship?..either way i haf to bear full consequence!!..i haf to create this in the middle of the exams!!..other than stupid i haf nothing else to describe myself..

i juz pray tt they ll both forgive mi..shuyi said tt love will prevail..pls god pls god..let this happen..comfort those whom i cannot be wid now..convey my msg of regrets and my apologies to those who need it..open up their minds and hearts to rmb tt we r all good frens..frens who haf gone thru not much but haf bonded well..god i pray for their forgiveness and urs as well..n lord i pray for the strength to forgive myself..and to do my utmost to put everything in the right place..lastly lord..i commit this issue into ur hands..and may all be well lord!!

5 papers down

finished maths yesterday and haf absolutely no mood to study..crap!!..my nxt paper is nxt tues..so i got a 1 wk break..feels like a hloiday already!!..where got xin qing to study?..haiz..but im quite scared for my econs paper..its the essay paper and im really not very good at it..yea i did improve thru this 2 yrs..but still im juz beginning to get the hook of writing essays..and den..i already gotta sit for this major paper..boy i really pray tt i can do it..but i guess i dun haf much worries..cos god has been by mi side helping mi so far..and i know he wun leave mi all alone..when i first did the maths paper..i got a bit scared..cos i looked at the questions and i knew tt by my own capabilities..im gonna flunk it real bad..but i prayed for peace and guess wat..haha..i managed to finish it!!..ok got careless mistake..but w/o His help..i tink im a goner..hahah..

was tinking bout where i wana go aft the As..might seem funny but i nvr tot of such things throughout my 2 yrs..wat i really wanted back den was to go to singapore poly and take maritime studies..i nvr tot of anything other den tt..den i wanted to do marine biology..but i dunno whether i can do it cos i dun take bio..buy anyway there seems to be no sch in s'pore with this course so..yeah..but now..i really feel like going to SMU..take business..dunno y leh..i tink its good to..cos i would at least haf a goal in mind..dun usually set goals..and also..cos competitions real tough..can push myself to study harder..haha..since its like gonna be the last time im ever gonna study chem econs or all tt..so..might as well do it now..u noe..oh well..c where god takes mi..

the weather's been really wierd this few days..its like super hot in the morning and it rains cats and dogs by early afternoon..u wake up sweating and den end up wearing jacket..haha..but it really spoils my mood to go out..cos like its raining everywhere!!..this weather's affecting my mood!!..i juz wana stay at home, on the air-con and slp..i dun even feel like going cg, shepherding..church stuff!!..die die!!..this laziness bug juz bit mi again..i tot i was over it..okok im crapping again..sorry..

cant wait to catch up wid my old frens..i kinda miss my frens..siqi baoyue eileen lily jieshan........sounds wierd cos we haf our own lives now..dunno how they've changed..ppl we gotta go out aft this torturous mth k..looking forward to c u guys!!

chem paper

had chem paper today..wasnt as bad as i expected..haha..very happy..yesterday studied till like 2 and crammed everything in..but couldnt cram in those food chem stuff so i guess i lost like 20 marks le..this is the first time where i haf ans for like 95% of the paper..dunno whether correct or wrong but anyway..they r still some word scrribled there..hahah..quite happy..but cannot say too soon lah..juz paper 3 only..still haf paper 2 and 1..sob sob..tks to all the hard work doing those never-ending tys questions..hahah..and of course tks to god..

oh yeah..today when i was doing the paper i felt this tickling sensation on my hand..when i glanced at my hand, i saw this very big ant on my hand!!!...YUCKS!!..i almost screamed rite there in the middle of the exam hall.it was really very big and fat!!..yucks it was horrible!!..i hate insects!!..y did god made them?!?..

tml is maths..gosh cant believe like its going to be over so soon..hahah..another paper down tml..4 papers down nxt wk..and its almost over..very fast..hahha..i like..anyway..gotta go mug a while forst..rmb all the formulas..

my birthday

heh..was my bday yesterday..4th Nov..ppl pls rmb it for nxt yr k..ahhaha...

well..had a pretty fun day today..except for the exam in the morning...ooo..and i got pressies right aft the exams so was very happy!!..hahah..love presents leh..den went to suntec wid mei may shu and kes..actually we wanted to go to orchard and c wat was there to eat..den shu suddenly rmb tt she wanted to bring us to try this indian fast food restaurant at city hall..so we decided to go there before going to suntec to catch a movie..we alighted from the bus very hungrily and tiredly and was looking forward to sum good food..but we still had to walk a long way before reaching the place..sadly..i didnt enjoy the food at all..didnt suit my tastebuds so i had a pretty cranky time..sorry shu..haha..

when we got to suntec..we realised tt we couldnt watch any movie!!..cos mi and kes had to go off earlier for cg..and we'll confirm be late if we watched a movie..so we ended up at the food court doing wat we did best..eat again!!..and toked a lot of course..it started to rain..a tiny drizzle tt grew bigger wid each min..by the time we walked to the bus stop..the rain was so heavy tt the road there were all flooded!!..and the rain was super heavy!!..so mi kes may and shu decided to share a cab..and we got pretty wet too..

luckily the cab uncle was nice and shared wid us many things from the past..i now know tt back in 1969..there was once a flood in singapore tt was 8 feet tall!!..gosh tt was scary!!..hahah..we reached cg a little late but they were juz starting to play a game..hahha..the games were fun..we had to do sum funny and disgusting poses but we enjoyed ourselves totally!!..the 2nd game was bout this passing the msg game and the msg was in chinese..hahah..mi xiangyu and shuyi were the last members so we were the ones who were supposed to relay the msg..den geral(the gamemaster)..told us to follow her to a place so tt we could tell her the story..and guess wat..it was actually a surprise!!..haha..they had a cake waiting for mi and xiangyu..so touched leh..hahah..they gave us each this keyboard cover from happy house and a sunflower each..cute..haha..cg today was fun!!..i hope tt all future cg would be this fun too and we woule haf more ppl to join us also..hahah..my bday wish to god..

after tt i went to bukit panjang plaza to eat wid mi family..jack'a place again of course..cos haf the membership thingy so we got discount..went to c whether my hamster was still there but it was gone..haiz!!..really liked it leh..my brother gave mi a present..first time leh!!..hahah..was very tired when i came home tt day..but still went online to chat till like 1 sumthing before going to slp..hehe..was a great day yesterday!!..

tks to everybody!!..luv ya loads!!

one more day

one more day to the As..i tried to study gp today..but really dunno how to study gp..wat shld i do?..like read all the past exercises?..gather points?..anyway i prepared censorship and youths..praying hard it comes out tml..its funny but i feel scared..gp's one of my if not only good subject so im really afraid i'll screw it up..those subjects tt u r not so good in..u fun feel tt scared cos u know tt watever u do..its probably the best already..but for the better subs..u constantly worry whether u haf did ur best or not..tts the prob!!..i tink i did wat i could budden a part of mi still feels like its not enuf..its so frustrating!!..

god..juz wana commit the exam into your hands..watever the outcome..it still in ur plan..so..it muz be the best for mi..tho now i really feel like going uni..i seriously doubt whether i can make it..i used to dun care in the past..but i dun wana waste my 2 yrs in hell for nothing..at least i wana go somewhere i like..study sumthing i wan..not to go to a poly when i could haf gone 2 yrs ago..haiz..i dun wana waste my time and money..and i seriously dun wana disappoint my parents..how..im freaking myself out now..god!!..pls give mi peace and calmness!!..always remind mi that u r wid mi thru these exams..tt everything is in ur hands..tts enuf..heh..i tink i can do it..with his strength..

guess wat juz happened!!..shuyi called to pray for mi and comfort mi!!..tts not a coincidence ppl..tts god toking and comforting mi thru shuyi..amazing god tt i haf!!..haha..i feel more assured now..tks shuyi..u r really a godsend..hahha..i can do this..i can make it thru this exam..and i'll emerge victorious and move on to more challenges..love ya lord!!..

i got loads of sms today wishing mi good luck and all da best..wana say thank you ppl!!..but theres a small prob..c i lost my hp..so i lost all ur numbers as well..so everybody whom i know..when u read this can u send mi ur no.?..really appreciate it!!..

tml we're gonna haf cg..to let the j2s take a breather..hehe..looking forward to it..and im going jack's place again tml..motive: to celebrate my bday!!..hahah..hint hint..hmmm..since my bday is on gp day..i guess i'll haf an extra angel beside me..hahaha..can help mi more in the gp..okok i know im crapping!!..wana wish everybody out there all the best k!!..the lord will help us thru!!

to shuyi..tks a lot for the prayer!!..actually wanted to pray for ya too budden a bit not convienient..i'll pray 4 u later k!!..and we having shepherding tml rite?..

geral

2 more days to my A lvls..its finally coming!..tt means its gonna be over soon..hahah..so really gotta push myself real hard these few days..yest kes and staggy nagbon(hahaha) came to my house and study..and i found out tt staggy nagbon is really really really NAGGY!!!..hahah..but was glad to haf company when i was studying..dne wun be so bored..but chem is soooo hard!!!..i wana cry when i was doing it!!..but today haf tuition so haf to finish 2 chapters!!..haiz..

went down to pj yesterday to check on the gurls aft they git their results..wasnt really worried for crystal cos i knew she can do it..tt gurl is so hardworking..haha..dunno how such a lazy bum like mi can be her shepherd..to geral..juz read ur blog..trust the Lord k..haf said everything else to u le..dun wana be naggy..heh..

went back to check on my fone but the auntie still hasnt found it..haiz..really sad..went to check the price of my fone at the sonyericsson fon shop yest..costs 398 bucks w/o plan..hmm..its quite an ok price..dunno whether i shld buy a not..but still..gotta work first..haiz..