changed

ppl asked me have i changed?

yah i tink so.

for the better or for the worse? that one i am not sure.

i just knew something in me clicked when i realized that the one thing i so dearly treasure can and will fail me.

makes me want to set up a wall around myself, and slowly crave a big door with big and extremely heavy gates. when ive got that up, i can choose what to come in, what to go out, and what stays out.

period.

i am just having so much fun watching TLC matches on youtube. pain somehow seems welcoming.

confusion

you know how they always say, write out ur dreams, say what u want now..commit it to god and he wun let you down..you might even forget what you have said, but he wun forget, he will prove faithful and make it happen..by that time when you look back, you will be amazed at how god is faithful.

so what happens to those ppl who wrote down their dreams and ambitions for god with the absolute purest of hearts and hoping to see them happen becos they always trusted that god will fulfill them someday, and it didnt happen? How would you explain to someone who went thru that den?

how would you, explain to a broken hearted person who gave his/her all for god, trusted so much for something to happen, and yet not only did that thing not happen, but the person is so so so far away from that dream?

how would you explain that god did not forget about her, or her dreams?

how would you explain that she is not a failure, when she sees her peers reaching for their dreams, being something that she will never be again maybe?

how would you explain that god still loves her? that god still really really really loves her?

how would you, huh? what words can u use, how understanding can you be? what can u do, and how much can u offer so she will be comforted?

many ppl makes mistakes here then..they say they understand, they say they know, they try to explain god's rationale, try to use meagre words to 'help' their fren understand and know that god still really really loves her..

but little do they know, and im sure that they have no such intention, that every word that they speak is like a dagger that stabs into her heart, with every saying of 'I understand' or 'God still loves you cos.....' is pushing that freaking dagger deeper and deeper into that wound..

nothing anyone says, no logical explanation on earth will EVER be adequate enuf to answer that question of 'why me, lord? why me?'

no mortal on earth, can heal a broken heart like that..so dun belittle god and try to do his explaining for him..he doesnt need you to do his explaining, he doesnt need you to try and raionalise it for the person..he doesnt need you to one day show to that poor broken hearted girl that "no, god didnt forget abt you, i just had something better in mind :)"

so you want to know what you can do? i ll give u a little hint.

be there for the person, dun speak - lose all those rationale and theories you have in mind, all those words that seek to escape from ur lips to the hurting person whom they have targeted..

just be there, and listen. the only thing you shld say is this "i dunno why man, but that big guy up there has his plans. wait it out, however agonizing it might be. i ll be here to listen."

that works for me, im not sure whether it works for everone..all i know, is that we should never try to explain for god, cos we might miss out some impt points along the way.

dun be god man, dun be. you just make her hurt more.

princess

being a princess is every girl's dream! at least i hope haha..i wana be a princess one day too!!

princesses are all so preety :D

anyways, if u want to get mi christmas presents, i m really thick skin enuf to post here some desperate items that i have to get..so if u wana be nice, you can, you know, get them for me..

1) thumbdrive

2) speakers for my com (ask mi for what the port looks like)

3) pink camera pouch

4) soft toys LOL

ok sleep beckons, super tired tonight..cos i watched man u win at anfield yesterday :) that's why we're champions!

jeff hardy

i was browsing thru blogs and went onto ayu's one when i saw the video of Deal or No Deal where the WWE superstars came out and kinda pipe the atmosphere a few notches..thats when i decided to go thru youtube searching for those wwe shows that i love to watch so much!

gosh, and gosh indeed..jeff hardy is just so darn bloody hot!

woohoo!! my champ!!! one of my fav wrestlers of all time!!! The Most Charismatic Daredevil in the history of WWE..

watch him fly!

tag team champs a whole of times - The Hardy Boyz! woots! i liked it better when lita was still around..too bad she got into an affair with edge :( cos i really liked edge too! i feel for matt hardy..i hope he comes back WWE..or is he already back? hmmmm..i haven been catching up with the storyline for almost 2 years now..

too cool

ooh was looking at videos on youtube when i stumbled upon my fav tag team in WWE a long long time ago..when it was still called the WWF!

Too Cool! with Scotty Too Hotty (ooohh delicious) and Grand Master Sexay (oozing so much sex appeal that it shld be considered a sin)!!

ahhh so sad now they are no longer there :( I miss the previous WWE when there was still like Goldust, The Rock, Stone Cold Steve Austin etc..

presenting too cool!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BzI3idDYLPg&feature=related

my desire

you want to be real, you want to be empty inside
you want to be someone laying down your pride
you want to be someone somday
then lay it all down before the king
hello dewen, i know you read blogs
you want to be whole, you want to have purpose inside
you want to have virture, and purify your mind
you want to be set free today
then lay it all down before the king
by highlighting now.
this is my desire, this is my return
this is my desire, to be used by you
just wana say,
you want to be real, you want to be empty inside
and i know my heart is to feel you near
and i know my life
it's to do your will
it's to do your will
thanks for being my fren.
this is my desire, this is my return
this is my desire, to be used by you
my world was dying,
all my life i've seen
where you've taken me
beyond all i have hoped
and there's more left unseen
but with frens like you, its not.
Lord, this is my heart's cry.

dewen, how do u read blogs? do the same.

superabundant

this is a whole lot of photos which i found in my com, or the fotos i took with my new cam!! super a lot..and im lazy to upload anymore, so here's all of them!

First - the outing with wynnie hendra david and matthew which was a super long time ago.

woohoo! rose among the thorns!

Second is when i chilled out with jasmine loh huey huey aft her exams..and the day when i told her all that i had learnt from god :)

happiness at cafe cartel in the form of brownies with ice cream and a truckload of fries..eeww calories :(

my beloved fren.

Next up is when cg went to sentosa, opps wrong, vivo to chill..sat and crapped at toastbox..

where eugene ate a whole loaf of bread! before starting to pose ard.

shuai ge!!! hahaha..upon which, hendra refuses to lose out..AND started taking NARCISSTIC fotos of HIMSELF..he took my cam and shot himself from a whole lot of angles..and its really a whole lot..

before long, we realised hendra's secret potential, and david began taking professional shots of him!! woohoo!! hendra's the man!

me and eugene looking super chui after the event..since we are unable to take a nice shot, we decided that we shall take one when we look nicer during service the next day! hmpf!

and so we did :D

and den i began wanting to take fotos with my cgmates..

david and me!

ok kehan is not from my cg, but he was walking past so i grabbed him for a shot..

wynnie my love!!!!!

hendra posing as usual.

conversation

me: Hendra pose leh!!

hendra: no no dun wan. pai seh la *poses*

chanced upon baowei too..how long haven seen him! and so we stayed and chilled out at starbucks, while it poured buckets outside..

and since it poured buckets outside, we decided to take spastic shots..XI NU AI LE!

priscilla is SUPER FUNNY in the last shot!! we were laughing our heads off!

we were bored, so we decided to do FINGER ART!

ok enuf..im tired..going to sleep nitez peeps!

transition

transiting from being the oldest to being one of the youngest is sure bringing on a whole lot of new surprises..

relinquishing of responsibilities and being able to use the excuse of not knowing to get away from seemingly bad situations..yet, somehow i still miss feeling like the one in control..

maybe i shld enjoy being younger :)

spas

i swear, i have one of the most spastic ppl on the face of this earth as a fren..

me: eh i cant play now, my brother using the disc.
wj: wah y he playing, ask him go get a life la!
me: isnt that saying ourself? we also gonna play
wj: no. we different, we are working. this is our life.

that is just the appetizer ok. conversation continues

wj: eh i know. i tell you what, later you use the disc already u keep. den tml ur brother ask u where issit you say "i dunno, how i know! you play one what!" . den the next night, you take out and play. when you brother ask you "where you get the disc?" you say "i buy one la! den?! you buy meh!"

me: what if he ask for the box?

wj: tell him "throw away already la! where got ppl keep box one? you buy tv keep the box one meh?!"

OMG, that is DAMN LAME! you rock my socks off my balls, bounce them off the walls and onto the floor man mr lee! hahahah..

when things come

when things come, they will go too.

i found something someone said yesterday to be very true - somehow they dun prove to me that relationships can still be maintained after someone leaves.

when our worlds go on different paths, everything changes, strong walls crumble, and we scramble to build new walls in hope that they will remain strong after all.

when things are so fickle, what is the point of having relationships at all. it just doesnt make sense.

and as i said - god is the only one who cares.