No Expectations

反正是一件以前根本没有的东西，现在又没有了，没什么好伤心的。

Who Am I

it's really weird how I have more of an identity crisis as I grow older.

somehow it seems that I had a clearer picture of who I am and what were my goals when I was still in school..when things were so much simpler.

at 12 years of age, my future was to get into the secondary school of my choice.

at 16 years of age, my future was to get into a junior college.

at 18 years of age, my future was to get into university.

at 23 years of age, my future is a big wad of fuzz wuzz and whenever I decipher a little portion of that mess, I second guess myself and everything just becomes fuzz again.

maybe that's it - I second guess myselfand get insecure about my strengths too much.

I second guess my closest frens' affirmation, my perceived talent for drama and hosting, my career path, my initial desire to serve in Adults, whether I will ever become the woman God wants me to be etc etc. it seems like I used to have plans, and things have totally changed - I seem to be able to only live in the now.

when I convince myself that I'm thinking too much into things, I rmb not to ignore these concerns as they might be from god. but when I decide to act upon my concern, it seems like I'm tinking too much.

sighs.

u see Lord, my life would be a complete mess if u weren't around. because in this mess of uncertainty, u r the beacon of stability that calls out to me. without you, I would be swept away in the concerns of myself.

with You around, i can confidently force my eyes to turn away from the insecure me and onto You.

as I take one small step at a time, let mi be confident that you r holding onto my right hand. ur presence is enough.

So It's Me La

Watever. I don't care, and I won't care next time.

What Is This I'm Feeling

I spent the good part of the past hour staring at the blank TV screen
thinking about how I should deal with this.

Help me Lord.

The Part That Never Changes

祝福也是一种爱.

Insecurities working up again. I don't dare to hope for happyness.

Loving Life

Loving life, loving food, loving mi, loving You :)

Death and life seperated by a kiss.

Can't Do It

Well, after trying out this whole hiatus, taking some time off to tink about life and this entire secrecy deal..I decided its not for me :) I mean, its not even been a month, and I can't keep silent hahah.

Who knows where life is going to take you next? When one day has passed, what will the next day bring?

I'm not a profound person, I don't really plan ahead, I'm not one who forgives easily, I get insecure and jealous at the smallest things, I forget almost immediately stuff that I share to my closest friends, I distrust my gut feelings immensely, and I fail at many many other things.

Growing older came with a price - I grew more helpless.

With life and death standing side-by-side in front of me, fighting between themselves for the victory in every second, I realise I only have time to enjoy the present.

What is closest to your heart, dear Lord? Because if I lose focus on You, I lose focus on everything else.