Decisions

I'm really worried what's gonna happen after 3 May. I'm really worried
that somehow I wun be able to support my financies.

I know I shld trust God..and I know that worrying betrays my lack of
confidence that God will provide for me.

Perhaps this is a lesson to strengthen my faith that God can provide
for me in this area of my life too. I've never really been in deep
shit in my finanes, but it seems like I'm gonna know what that feels
like in a few more days.

This sense of deep restlessness within mr plagues me everyday, making
me doubt my decision and almost turning back on my word at times. But
this time, I won't give in. For once, i'm gonna follow thru my decision.

Worse comes to worse, it's time to close that insurance account. Haha.

Relax girl, do not worry :) That Big Guy up there has got everything
under control.

Calendar Girl

Dreamt that I was dying, as I so often do.
And when I awoke I was sure it was true.
Ran to the window, threw my head up to the sky
And said Whoever is up there, please don't let me die.
But I can't live forever, I can't always be
One day I'll be set on a beach by the sea
The pages keep turning, I'll mark off each day with a cross
And I'll laugh at all that we've lost.

~ 'Calendar Girls' by Stars

There's something morbidly intriguing about these lyrics..something
that I've never been able to shake off.

It's the feeling of knowing life seeping thru my fingers every
minute..it's the thought of what am I doing with the escaping sands of
time that consumes my mind.

It's the nostalgic understanding of dreamin of death, and waking up
believing I've died.

It's that insistent tuggings at my inner being telling me - Dont
follow the ways of the world. I have only one life to live.

We can't live forever. If we can comprehend our mortality, perhaps we
would be more powerful.

*Sent from my iPhone

Wait

Sometimes lies seem so easy to believe.

The most recent one: Did He forget me? Cause I don't think I can bluff myself much longer.