Bothersome

I remember a quote by Mother Teresa that goes:

"I know God would not give me anything that I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much"

Oh boy, how much do I identify with that right now! Circumstances and the environment around me has been so depressing and negative lately, I feel like the pinnacle of entire-world-destruction symptoms is weighing down on my shoulders..In preparation for this, I stock up an entire arsenal of joyfulness and happyness within me, which I keep filled up every morning through reading the bible, praying to God, watching hilarious variety shows on my iPhone (best technology ever invented, serious), and reading uplifting christian books. Oh, and hearing FT Island songs on my iPod.

But the minute I step into this lair, it feels like I've stepped into the arena to battle off Satan's endless, mindless midgets. It's like playing the last stage of Moo Moo you know, or TD. No matter how many you kill, they just never seem to stop..every morning I thought my arsenal is adequately filled, but its been emptying faster and faster with each passing day..gosh, its tiring. Right now I even got to take lunch time to reload for the 2nd battle after lunch.

God, not that I want to doubt, but, are You sure that I am that great? Cos I seriously don't think so. I think You give me more credit than I deserve.

Bothersome to be a Christian at times. Every single time I want to do something that is not quite right, I feel unease. But what can I do? This is the path I have chosen, and I will stick to it until the day I die.

It's funny how I never seem to be so sure of anything in my life except this one thing - No matter how tough it gets, I will never stop trying to be the best Child of God I can possibly be.

Kinda masochistic isn't it?

Take today for example, I was all set to go do something to get out of this deceiving labyrinth but was reminded by some 'friend' to check my motives before doing it. I HATE IT! HATE having to check my motives every single time because when I do that, I KNOW I would end up NOT doing what I had initially wanted to do.

Some 'friend' that is. Thanks for making sure I never run out of God's Will. One of my truest friends ever. One day when all these nonsense has passed, I suppose I would thank you.

So, sulking and whining about how unfair this whole entire deal is, I decided to take the suicidal step by reading the bible. How dumb. Reading the bible will just convict me of my wrong motives and turn me to doing the right thing.

And here it goes, the Word of Life:

"Therefore, remember that formerly you who are Gentiles by birth and called "uncircumcised" by those who call themselves "the circumcision" (that done in the body by the hands of men)— remember that at that time you were separate from Christ, excluded from citizenship in Israel and foreigners to the covenants of the promise, without hope and without God in the world. But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near through the blood of Christ."

AND

"And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit."

Reminder point:

God died for me, I am no longer the sinful person I was. And I should be working to build myself into a holy temple where God can reside in. Doing things that are borne our of a wrong motive is not a good step if I want to be a holy temple.

Sighs.

God, I can't bear to disappoint You. So, here it goes...... I must do my best in all circumstances, even shitty ones.

I just want Him to be happy with what I'm doing.

Any friends wanna help fill up my arsenal?