Contented, Yet Restless

hung out with ziying today, trying to get my life out of the valleys n back into at least the meadows. I'm not even asking for a mountain top experience.

realised how insignificant my life on this earth is when compared to god's awesomeness. sometimes tinking about what I have to do as a child of god scares mi, and I just want to relax and do my own stuff.

stripping away all dreams n visions, I can say that I'm a very contented person.

contrary to popular belief, I'm very thankful for my job. I've got enough good close friends to last me a lifetime. I dun need to put in effort to gain anymore friends, or clarify those with misunderstandings. I've got a great family. I've enjoyed the little luxuries safe Singapore can provide. And I have no lack of suitors. Cross examining my needs, I dun really have anything that I lack.

yet i'm restless. something doesn't feel right. the nagging suspicion that there's something more out there doesn't leave mi. and I can find no valid reason to deny the deity n truth of god having experienced the realness n goodness of god myself.

somehow the lyrics "there must be more than this" rings clearly in my heart. and no matter how much I try, I'm unable to douse the burning impression that I'm made for something more.

and as I look around at the sufferings of this groaning planet, the stark realization of the immense need for everone in this world to go back to god staggers me.

and I, having known how incomparably wonderful it is to be in His presence, feel compelled to go to each n every suffering person and point them to the Sovereign One.

to tell them I have no answer as to why u r suffering, but I know that you need god. to tell them I dun care how much of a weirdo they think I am to be such a jesus freak, because one day they will understand.

as I think of the staggering amount of decisions I have to make, the undesirable task of having to give up my rights as a human, and the changes I have to make as a person, I confess that I'm unwilling to do anything.

god, I just want to slack n do my own things. love those who love me, and screw those who hurt me. lead my contented yet restless life.

but you wouldn't let mi do that huh?

because when u smile at me from heaven, and tell mi how much you love me, I just can't bring myself to slack my life away.

do you know Lord, that Your love is just so addictive. I can't live without it.