Walking Alone

Am waiting for my youtube vid to load so tot to come blog a bit.

Have been thinking about certain stuff recently and realising how alone I really am in this whole spiritual journey thing. And I'm not joking.

When it boils down to the very fundamentals, the only thing that can really help sustain one's own spiritual relationship with God is myself (apart from God la). No other help is really help at all.

Maybe thats why they say, your spiritual life is your own responsibility and yours alone.

At the mountaintop moments, how many people can really truly experience what you are feeling? You could scream God's love down people's ears but even if they do understand, they wun be able to fully experience whatever you are feeling.

In the valley moments, who can truly experience what you are feeling too? Yes you can have friends everywhere showing concern, but how many times have we all had friends who express genuine concern but no matter what they say, nothing seems to work. You are still stuck in that valley time, and your life feels like shit.

I'm not saying that friends aren't important, but at the end of it all, you can still choose whether to heed your friends' advice or not. Ultimately, it's still prayers and a stubbornness to not be stuck in this rut (and God of course) that pulls you out of the valley and back into the meadows.

But in the valley times, I'm slowly beginning to learn certain things about friendships. There are those who really are concern, and those who only speak concern. Those who care enough to ask, and those who always say they care but are not there when you need them.

It's such a morbid thought actually, to think that you could have your friends there with you, but to find that they didn't actually mean what they say about being there.

At the end, its still those old few who stick around me :) And I appreciate you guys the most.

And now, my spiritual struggle to get back to the meadows continue, alone.