as u ppl can see..im bored..its not the normal kinda bored..i dunno..its like..u purposely wan to be bored so tt u are so sian tt u dun wana tink bout anything else and concentrate on whining bout being bored..u guys know wat i mean?..i tink it happens more frequently for mi now..

yesterday night..i spoke to god in the safety of my room..i felt so damn tired and i dunno..fearful..of wat i dun even know..i feel so erm..fake..its like im this cheerful person on the outside yet inside im so empty..empty yet so full..so wanting to get this burden off my chest.to really pour out to someone..but i dunno who i can find..when i tok to shuyi..i really wans to tell her..but when it comes to tt point..i dunno wat to say..and somehow..i always end up worst..more irritated at myself..i know theres sumthing tt i wan to say..but i dunno how to say it..its frustrating..

but god knows..he knows..slowly..he's peeling off my every layer..helping mi understand wat i feel..and slowly..i can put these feelings to words..slowly slowly..my life's like a dream..u juz drift thru it..tts not good aint it..not good at all..

are there times when somehow u can really sense the devil and all his midgits?..i could feel them yesterday..when i prayed in jesus name to drive them all out of mi..i wan a turning point..i wan to brace myself up..i wan to plan for cg..i wan my sheep to be closer to god and tt i can also be close to them..but..i dunno..oh forget it..i cant find the words to say it..i dunno wats going on inside of mi..