some time now

ok blogspot is acting weird again..well since its the weekends..its time to do reflection on the new year before i get too lazy and decides to skip the whole thing..y do i wan to do reflections so much , ppl ask..becos i tink its important!!..one year is a loonnnggg time..many things happen in a year..ppl change, situations change, u change, lessons learnt..so many things..if u dun sit down and reflect on the good and bad stuff that happened in the past year..u arent putting a fullstop to the year 2005..its like doing something halfway and u go on to sumthing new without ever finishing..and hence, you tend to end up confused and..well, lost..that's juz for mi tho..im not sure whether u guys feel that way..

2005 to mi was a year of WOWs..hahah..this is the year that i feel that i've grown a lot a lot..there were many changes in my life that moulded mi, taught mi and filled mi..for the 1st 6 months i wasnt doing anything much cos i knew that my As were gonna suck and i wouldnt be able to go to any local universitites..and juz as any other graduated ppl, i started to look for a job..and as far as i could recall, this was the first lesson of the year..i was a CL with lemme tink, 7 sheeps..and finding a job was NOT easy at all..i had to haf days for shepherding, family time, cg, church and many many more..

1st lesson: do not compromise on God..

do not tink that u are still serving and accept jobs that require you to work on sats or full shift..this is very very impt..when u start compromising on little things..they WILL grow to big things..and den u start to not come becos u cant at first..slowly it turns to nvr come also never mind..and den..u dun go cg..and slowly..u backslide..i haf seen examples of this very incident happening..hey my batch is some kind like the experimental batch!!..we are the first to graduate and find jobs and do those stuff..hahah..man it was a tough time finding a job back den..from personal experience..IT WAS REALLY TOUGH..parents nagging u to find one, scolding you when u refuse to take one that requires u working on weekends etc etc..it was tough..but i didnt compromise!..first test of the year..and i passed..thank god..

2nd test came when i got back my As..i was really devastated..never before in my whole life had i got results such as these..not trying to say that im smart or watever..but so far from PSLE to Os, my results had been good..and i guess, i grew proud and complacent..and i tink..i dun need to study i also can get such results one..haha..of course not..i didnt do so well at all..i didnt fail any..but i couldnt get into any local Us..dilemma dilemma..i was tempted to blame god, bawl to him..ask him..WHY HOW WHY!?..but deep within mi i know its mine fault la..and somehow, i dunno where tt strength came from..i entrusted my future into his hands..i was like..god i cant go anywhere, i dun wana repeat so, wat are u going to do with mi now? i need help..and help came, surprisingly and unbelievingly, in the form of my parents..they took things into their hands..they found mi a new school, MDIS mass com..at first i refused their help..i juz couldnt see that they were the help tt god sent to mi..somehow, i juz got into MDIS..and slowly, i saw the plan god has in store for mi..i didnt get good results..but im doing somethng that i liked!!..something that i know my parents ll not let mido if i had good results to do like, business or sumthing..im getting okay grades now..i got into a class with great frens!!..my view of classmates was totally trodden in JC..but my new class gave mi some hope that classmates were meant to be fun after all..

im not saying that u dun need to study hard and no matter wat god ll provide a way..it IS true that no matter wat god ll provide a way..but if u dun do to ur best..den, god's best plan for you cant happen to you..he cant juz spoon-feed you for ur whole life can he?..life is a learning experience..learn!!..do u wan to go up to heaven without knowing anything abt god?..how fulfilling a life lived for him is?..no rite..spoon-feeing are for babies..so grow up!!

2nd lesson: trust God in ALL circumstances..

the rest of the events were in a blur..i couldnt rmg which one came first..juz gonna write down watever comes to my mind..god grew the cg..both quality and quatitive..tho im still striving very very hard..there is still A LOT to learn abt being a good CL tho..was toking to xiang yest..guess i really need to make effort in being with the grp after svs every sat..tho i hate to admit it..i knew abt it a long time ago but to hear someone else put it in words..it sucks!..im prideful i guess..shall work on both parts..making effort to be with the grp, and to be humble..

something else that i learnt in 2005, is to be aware of my own walk with god..forgiveness is a key lesson that everyone shld learn some point ( i hope its soon) in their lives..unforgivessness and bitterness affected mi so much the past year..so so much..that nearing the end of 2005, i was full of anger and bitterness which i wasnt even aware of!!..and boy was it affecting mi..i started to allow warped tots and useless tinkings into my mind..i myself was slowly backsliding from god..without knowing it!!..man satan is evil!..but camp made mi realised this..in camp i wrestled with the idea of throwing away my bitterness for god..it was hard..its not easy to forgive someone close to ur heart..but i did..becos i realised that bitterness and unforgiveness is NOT worth exchanging for knowing god better..no, not worth it..they chose their path, and im not letting them affect mi!!..its stupid to let other ppl affect you!!..i walk on my own path, not on others..the only footsteps that i will follow are god's..no one's else..thank you lord for reliving mi of this burden..u took it from my shoulders and gave mi peace..thank you so much..

another thing i wana thank god for last year is for him giving mi a whole new vision in my ministry..god showed mi the path that i was taking on my own..that it was a path of selfishness..i was unwilling to give up some parts of myself which i valued a lot..and i realise that i was capping myself from god's power..its impt to haf a vision in ur life..becos only den will u put ur best to all ur actions..ok take for example if u set ur target to be 80 marks..so u work hard with the thought of attaining 80 marks, u ll put in the effort to attain 80 marks..sumtimes u get 80, other times u dun..but if u work hard with 100 marks in view..den u ll put in the effort for 100 marks..and even if u dun get 100, maybe u ll get like 90 marks..which is way more than 80 marks..if u dun haf a vision, den u dunno where to work towards..and most prob, u ll get lost..

god grew mi to be closer to my family too..my dad started realising things abt mi that he hasnt seen before..and im so happy for each one of these realisations..it showed mi that god's work is being displayed thru mi!!..that god is working his way into my family..i know i still gotta try really hard..but to see the buds of the fruits are oh-so-encouraging..

i shall set out my resolutions now (not in order of preference):
1) to set quality time aside for god EVERYDAY
2) stop clubbing
3) spend more time with cg after svs
4) spend more quality time with sheep(s)
5) study hard and TRY REALLY HARD to dun pon classes
6) tithe every month
7) read more christian books
8) dun leave stuff to the last min
9) be nicer and more tolerant with parents

many things happened in 2005, juz one year..it showed mi how one year can prove to hold so many changes and learning points..i cant wait for 2006..new things are gonna happen..and im so excited!!..central f are now in AOC..new ppl, new perseonalities..so many new things..i juz cant wait!!..i mean, who knows what's in store for mi in the new year?..i know that i ll grow..