unfair

been reading various blogs before a tot came to my mind..ive read blogs of rich kids who spends 1000 a month, ive read blogs of people earning 1000 month to feed their families..i've read blogs that haf became famous, ive read blogs of those who wish to remain anonymous..and the more i read, the more this word pops up in my head..'unfair'..so so unfair..wat an unfair world..

y wasnt i born rich so that i can study overseas?..y wasnt i born into a wealthy family so i can spend more on things that i want?..y wasnt i born preety and slim as that of other gurls?..y was i born with such a skin disease?..y was i born into this small country of singapore?..y was i born to my protective parents who are stifling the life out of mi?..y do wealthy people always get wat they want?..y are rich kids always prettier or more good-looking?..y am i born as mi?..

yet on the other hand..y wasnt i born in some suffering country such as africa?..y wasnt i born into a poor family that needs mi to go out to work asap to support them?..y wasnt i born with some chronic illness or sumthing much much worse?..y wasnt i born into a family who dun care a gist of wat their kids are doing?..y am i born as mi?..

y did god chose mi to be one of his chosen people?..y did he put mi in this family, this school, this country..y did he put mi in hope?..y did i meet frens such as those i haf now?..y did he give my such gifts?..y did he make mi?..

why why why?..sumtimes i feel tts its unfair..sumtimes im jealous..sumtimes im thankful..sumtimes i tink tt it could haf been worse..rite?..maybe the fairest thing tt happened in my life, was that i had the chance to know god..and thankfully, i chose his path..i wouldnt want to sway any where else like those who haf come and gone..maybe it ll only truly be fair, when the world ends..

the best gift that one can give to oneself is the art of forgiving those who haf hurt them..unfortunately, im still unable to give myself this gift..i see u, and im disgusted..i hear u, and i wana walk away..u tok to mi, and i wish i didnt haf to reply..i see ur name, and i wan u to bear the brunt of my anger..i wan u to feel hurt..i wan u to know tt u arent the only one in the world and i dislike u..i wan u to know, that u arent all tt big..and sumtimes in my evil heart, i wish tt u arent enjoying wherever u are now..and den i ll be able say "i told u so"..

unforgiveness eats up the heart..it covers love, patience, joy and all tts good..and replace it with hate and anger..its been so long, yet i still cant forgive..god..god pls help mi..