reality

i haf juz finished watching full house..a nice ending..i like it..but again..my feelings are all jumbled up..and suddenly..im reminded y i had stopped myself from watching any more romance dramas a few years back..i used to love these dramas..i watched as many as time allowed mi to..its been so long tt i cant even rmb the last romance drama i watched..

but as fate would haf it..i chanced upon my mom watching full house on scv one day..i sat down on the bed and tot i would catch a glimspe of it..a mistake..i got the vcd..and i finished it within 3 days..cried my heart out and got so immensed that the real world doesnt seem to exist at all..

wat i hate abt romance dramas is the ending..the sweet ending where the leads get together and live happily ever after..not saying tt i aint happy abt it and want them to break off..but when i see that final scene..when i see the credits roll..im reminded that im being brought back to reality..the actual world in which im living in..the things i haf to do today..the roles i haf to carry out..nothing is as it seems in the show..nothing..the world is so tough..the world aint so nice..my life has to move on..and i haf to take control of my life once again..

i always wanted to be an actress when i grow up..if not juz doing sumthing tt relates to television..because i wan to see, to experience the actual filming of the show..to see the cameras in front of my face..to see the actors reciting their lines..to see the bright lights that fill the room..to see the make-up artist at work..so tt i will know that none of wat i had seen in the shows are true..that they are all frauds..stuff that happens in the shows can nvr happen in real life..things dun happen tt way..i want to know..no i need to know..tt life isnt all that simple..where a guy loves a gurl and they live happily ever after..it doesnt happen..the world is too complicated for such a simple thing to exist..

i love watching the blobbers at the ending of the shows..or juz seeing pictures of the actor, director and crew at work..because i need this confirmation that it is juz a show..there are ppl working there..there are more ppl than juz the leads..i haf to know tt the story isnt true..that it is juz a fake..and now, its time to go back to ur lifestyle..u haf things to do..u haf to study..u haf to plan for cg..u haf to shepherd ur sheeps..u haf to work out ur nxt move..move on, move on..

i tink theres sumthing wrong with mi..hahha..y do i insist tt simple things dun happen?..y do i insist tt love isnt all that easy?..ah i rmb..god nvr intended for this complicated world..god nvr intended for love to be soo hard to survive..i guess in every human being's heart the yearning for true love is there..some seek it in other humans..some labours after it in their careers..some seek it in their wealth..but there is never complete satisfaction is there..because it aint the same in the shows..we all long to be in the shows..to treat our life on earth as a play..come in from the left and exit thru the right..no worries abt anything at all..juz follow the script and things ll turn out fine..every step is worked out for u..

god is there true love in the world tt happens in the movies?..god pls remind mi never to watch a romance drama again..i cant afford to let my emotions get into my head..i cant afford to make a mistake of turning away..i cannot allow satan to use this against mi..fill mi with ur love god..and once again tell mi..tt everything is so simple..i juz haf to follow ur script..

give mi some time to get back to my usual self..leaders are human beings too..sumtimes we need to feel for ourselves..