Promises

Was supposed to go through past teachings but stumbled across the many stacks of cards that others have written to me through the years.

I stumbled across words, and I wondered whether they were lies. And I hoped that the writer meant every single word at the point in time when he/she wrote my card.

I stumbled across promises, and wondered if I should still keep the end of my promise when the other party has seemed to disappear or forgotten their end.

I stumbled across budding friendships, and I remembered how I've failed so badly at some of them.

I stumbled across affirmations and encouragements, and felt that I'm not worthy of the weight of some of those commendations.

I thought I lost a card, and searched frantically through my stack for it. Found it at last, but found that though I really longed to, I could no longer bring myself to fully trust those words anymore.

The more one cares, the deeper the hurt. I find solace in prayers, and faith.

Someone wrote to me, "I pray that the following year would be a fruitful year for you. And that you'll look back at all you've learnt next christmas, and smile."

No matter what happens, I'll smile.