the day

it is frighteningly amazing how i could stay at home the whole day and do almost nothing..i guess its cos i haven been home the whole day since a long long time ago..feels as tho its a waste of time..slept from 630pm yest to 830 this morning..goes to show how tired research methodology made mi and the amt of sleep i had to catch up on..

today was self-declared retreat day but it really feels weird not to be out there meeting ppl or doing something..but i guess it was impt that i spent time at home with god..read 1 cor something where paul said that he was preaching the gospal of the resurrection of jesus..and he stated the ppl whom jesus appeared to after he rised up from being dead..den he said this, many of them are still alive, tho some have fallen asleep..

it wasnt till i read thru the whole passage where i realise wat paul meant by some who haf fallen asleep..he was referring to ppl who died i tink, becos of god..and these ppl arent really dead cos they would be risen up at the last day and be with wonderful jesus forever..but when i first read it, i tot that oh gosh! even ppl whom jesus appeared to can turn away from him and renounce their faith..like, u can never really know how strong a person is in his/her faith at any point in time..once we arent careful and let satan gain our hearts a small bit at a time, soon we will lose the battle and backslide too..i really dun wana be like that kind of person..i dun wan to be those kinds where jesus appears to me face to face and i explain him away in some seemingly logical explanation..that would be really stupid..

looking up some courses to enrol myself into for the future..really praying hard that i wun slack my time away nxt time..tho responsibilities over others might not be that great..but i still haf a responsibility over myself..i cannot let god down! no, i muz be diligent in wanting to grow..yes! i decide how much i wan to grow..maybe nxt time, i will bug my shepherd for more shepherdings than ever..hahah..exciting, yet a bit saddening..