the void

wat is the definition of a void?..dictionary.com says its containing no matter; empty..completely deviod of anything..claire says its like particular area feeling emptiness lor..den i dun tink that's the word to describe mi now..

haf u ever been trapped in a circle?..tried finding ur way out by following the walls but sooner or later u realise that u are back in the exact same spot where u started off before..and no matter how much u try to find the exit and push urself to the bone, yet u still always come back to the same spot..and den all u can do, is sit down, and cry..becos nothing else matters except getting out..and i wana get out..

haf u ever known that u are doing something wrong..and u try hard not to do it anymore..but the feeling of doing something wrong is so, nice..it makes u happy..and u dun really care abt the consequences as long as u haf that moment of happiness in ur life..at that moment u are happy and everything is so wonderful and that's all that matters..but after that..everything goes terribly wrong..and u haf to pay for ur actions..and sometimes the payment takes so long..but when the same thing comes up again..u are still willing to do it..

haf u ever stopped urself from doing something u liked..and its like cutting off a piece of ur flesh..but u know that its good for you..yet u are so so much in pain..but u know that in all that pain, somehow somewhere u can find security..that the pain is a process of learning..of healing..its like when u extract ur wisdom tooth..y do u do it?..even tho if it doesnt hurt so much but u know that if u dun take it out, it will start to hurt ur gums really badly..and so u go for surgery..and after tt it hurts even more and u cant eat solid food for abt 2 weeks, waiting for it to heal..and den after it heals..everything's fine..but the process of healing, is terrible..

i want to be a void..nothing is definately better than something now..