desperate for freedom

its amazing how the human heart works..well, since i dun really wana confide in others wat im tinking..i only haf myself as a judge..so..maybe it aint all hearts but only mine..or maybe..its juz mi..

some ppl say that horoscopes really describe a person's character well..like lets say u are a scorpio, so u are like some passionate time-bomb which explodes at the faces of the ones u dislike..i used to believe this myself too..but i guess..it isnt the horoscope tt defines who u are..its kinda more like..we work to be wat our horoscopes say tt we are..so if im a scorpio and i juz made life hell for someone whom i dislike..i prob ll excuse myself by saying that im a scorpio so i act like tt..makes sense?..

how long has it been?..i said this to emu, i tink tt it is v obvious when i dun like someone..yeah!! she agreed, nodding her head enthusiastically, but depends on the person also la..i said to jiahao..i really try to control and to forgive, but its juz so hard isnt it?..try lor, no one's perfect. juz keep trying..he said..juz keep trying..easier said than done..

it isnt a big secret to those who know mi..that i really make life hell for those whom i dislike or haf done a small thing to earn my wrath..i dun get angry easily, but once i get angry, i stay angry..for a long time..and i hate it..its wrecking mi knowing that i cant stop murderous thoughts from popping into my mind when the person whom i dun like is within seeing range..and as i haf the uncanny 'gift' of spotting people along the streets thru the corners of my eyes..tt is saying a lot..so wat do i do?..now, i try to keep myself as far away from the person as possible so that hurting words wun slip from my mouth..

its hard to forgive ur enemy..its even harder to love them..lord this is crazy!!..how do u expect mi to love them?..its so darn hard!..and im breaking myself into pieces trying even to forgive!!..my mind can turn my best fren into my hated associate overnight..and my anger burns as i run over each small incidents which adds to my fury..and evil tots run thru my mind..i love to see them suffer, my god..im inhuman..i aint all that good myself..wat right do i haf?..take away my evil mind..

im desperate for freedom..