useless..

gosh..i feel so useless..like im juz feeling my way thru every single week..i tink maybe i've become like..erm..an 'old' leader?..see..this is my schedule for every single week..work everyday till 3pm..one day for cg..the rest of the days for all the shepherdings..sat svs and sun work..its so monotonous..all these has become like a routine..its was only until yesterday tt i realised tt sumthing was worng with mi..

i guess i ve been occupying my mind with sum other unnecesssary stuff..playing out one scenario aft another in my mind..knowing full well tt i should not be doing so cos this ll happen sooner or later in my life anyway..but still..i dunno y i keep doing this!!..this doesnt lead mi to be fruitful..it doesnt lead mi to accomplishing anything!!..thank god i realised this now..

while toking to xinyi yesterday..i felt really lousy..cos i realised tt i ve not been giving my best to my ministry..ive not really been there for my sheep(s)..ive not really plan for cg..i haven set my goals and stuff..really lousy..oh man!!..i guess its time to stop..stop watever nonsense things tt haf polluted my mind and start to do sumthing productive!!..its gonna be so hard..but i know i can overcome this..i ll become wat god wans mi to become..amen..

thank god for qt yesterday..he really spoke to mi..altho it took a long time for mi to register in my rusty brain..see..i was reading exodus where god told moses how to build all his stuff, eg the courtyard tabernacle etc..and at the end of the chapter..god again described how moses bulit all those stuff according to the instructions tt god gave him..and of course..everything turned out very very well..aft reading tt chapter..i tot tt god was super naggy..i mean..y repeat everything all over so tt i haf to read it twice!?..absurd..but later on(which would be a few hrs later)..i realised the msg behind this story..see..in order to build a tent tt would be strong and able to weather all storms..u gotta haf sure-fire instructions..and where do u get these?..simple..from god..its juz like mi..a CL..im building a tent now..and i wana build a big strong one..one tt woud nvr topple but continue to extend and grow..and i know tt if i follow the directions given to mi by the lord..im sure gonna be able to do this..as sure as i know tt..an egg is an egg?..watever..im juz sure..ive got a goal now!!..im so happy..at least i know where to work towards..and not drift around like a piece of wood in the ocean..so u c..god speaks to us..and he speaks words of wisdom..those who say tt they cant hear god..its a load of bullcrap..its all in the heart..tts where the holy spirit dwells..listen to him..and be amazed..

*i guess i ll stop thinking of u now for now*