shagged

im damn shagged now..went jogging ard my estate in the evening and feeling super drained out..i wonder why i can run for so long on the treadmill but not that long when im outdoors..i shld ask wj that question..

still haven got my pictures of the US trip from adeline yet..she's holding them hostage till i go for sergent's chicken rice at food republic with her sometime next week..i shld haf held ur glucosamine hostage instead of releasing it back to u so easily that day!! hmpf..

met eelee for lunch today and gave her a treat at our favourite hang-out place - park mall's sakae sushi haha..its been a long time i ate sushi!! partly due to my mouth, which still cant open and hence eating sushi is such a chore..didnt eat any soft shell crab handroll today cos i cant open my choppers big enuf to stuff it in:( ..getting salmon sushi in calls for a celebration..at best, i shall eat chawamushi till im better lol..

and ive diverted from wat i originally wanted to say..so anyways, i met eelee today, and i got some of my stuff out to her..i guess, when things have turned so bad, the only possible next step is that things are gonna be better..and thats wats happening now..the worst came during the past few days, i survived them, so im gonna survived the next few days lol..

you dunno how u met mi you dunno why
you cant turn around and say goodbye
all you know is when im with you
i make you free
and swim thru your veins like a fish in the sea
im singing

follow me everything is alright
i ll be the one who tuck you in at night
and if you wana leave i can gurantee
you wun find nobody else like me

when i was at my deepest moment, when i was wondering whether i made the correct choice in deciding to use my youth to serve him, when i was counting the many outings i had missed all because of service on saturdays, when i was hurting over the things that im gonna let go, when i felt that i was all alone and no one cared, and when i felt that my frens were too busy for me, i found this song which i had loved when i was in sec sch..i know its not a christain song, in fact, it doesnt even haf a hint of anything godly inside, but i know, that god sang it to me..

all i know is when im with him, he makes mi free :)

ive learnt many things after my trip from the US..and i haf to give a big thank you to this person who helped mi so much thru this awfully painful growing point..i dun tink she knows mi haha, but i read her book - every thought captive, by jerusha clark..it is an amazingly wonderful book that spoke to me in almost every page that ive devoured..im sure that its not a coincidence i started reading her book when i was going thru my stuff..that muz haf been god's work :) so a big thank you goes out to him as well..its ironic, how i bought that book for someone, and im touched by it..

ive somehow learning that im a big mystery all by myself..and im unravelling so much of myself that i didnt know existed, or maybe ive always knew they existed, but im too afraid and ashamed to face them..my thoughts, motives, envious and lonely side, my desires..im starting to know them better, slowly but surely..starting to face them, to get to the bottom of my thoughts, and differentiating my needs from my wants..it is a wonderful feeling to be free again..

at the deepest darkest moment, u find out that, only god knows u the best after all.

i almost drowned, but once again at the very last moment, he came thru for me :) i know who i am now, im a child of god..and thats enuf.

thanks to a lot of my frens..i really appreciated it that u gave mi space when i asked, tried ur best to be there if i needed you..i will share with u all soon!